Eggshells
by LongTimeFan
Summary: "Sir," Janet called, pinning the commander with a look. "Colonel O'Neill has just spent days killing anyone and everyone who came near Sam. His hormone levels are still dangerously high and he hasn't even begun to deal with what has happened. If anyone tries to stop them, I'm not sure he has enough control right now to simply disable them." Please see author note inside.
1. Chapter 1

AN1: This story is likely to be a tense one folks. It deals with the effects of a mission that went so very wrong and includes references to rape. I will try not to be too graphic but there will be some details given after the fact. There will be course language also … sorry but strong emotions and reactions here and can't see our characters in this sort of turmoil without some coming out.

Disclaimers: The following is a work of fan fiction based on the television series Stargate SG-1. It is in no way intended to infringe on the copyrights of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/US, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions or anyone else who may have legal rights to the characters and settings. I claim no ownership of the characters. Only using them for a short time and will return them in relatively the same shape as when borrowed.

* * *

Following the officer into the conference room, Doctor Janet Fraiser watched the shudders that visibly ran through her. "Sam?" she called softly, trying to bring Major Carter's attention to her. Receiving no response, she touched Sam's arm. "You okay?" Wide, panicked eyes brushed over the doctor before again darting around the room landing on the various persons stationed in it.

Struggling to draw a breath, Sam felt sweat trickle down her back and between her breast. Clenching her fists, she dug her fingernails into the palms of her hand hoping the pain would ground her.

"Major Carter?"

Snapping her head toward the familiar voice, Sam forced her eyes to focus on the large man standing a few feet from her. The analytical portion of her mind told her that General George Hammond was not a threat. The baser, emotion driven portions of her brain screamed for her to find safety.

"Major," the voice called again, softening in its tone. "If you can take a seat we can begin."

The two portions of her warred as they had been for days on end.

"Carter."

A hitched breath passed Sam's lips as her eyes darted across the room toward the sound of safety. Locking eyes with the man on the other side of the room, she instinctually took a step toward him. "Sir?" she whispered.

Warily keeping an eye on Sam, Janet darted a glance toward Colonel Jack O'Neill, ensuring he was in better shape. Moments passed as the two soldiers stared at each other, until the doctor saw a slight easing of Carter's shoulders and a more natural flow of breathing begin in her frame. "Let's sit down," Janet murmured softly, hesitantly laying her fingers on Sam's arm.

The touch was enough to cause Sam to flinch and snap her head toward her friend. Allowing the swift intake of breath she had held at the touch to escape, she nodded jerkily to let Janet know she could do that before her eyes went back toward her commanding officer. His nod toward the conference table was almost unperceivable before they moved in tandem toward the chairs.

Watching as the pair eased into seats, George assessed their cautious movements. He knew that by the time Jack has set down, he had determined how much of a threat each of the room's occupants posed and a plan had been made to take out as many as possible if necessary. He had no doubt that if the next hour did not go well, there could be casualties without a single shot being fired. Frowning, he raised an eyebrow at the doctor and the men who had escorted Jack into the room. The silent question if this meeting was a good idea was answered with a nod and a slight wince.

More mixed emotions.

Forcing his countenance to relax, the General purposely laid his hands flat on the table in clear view. "Major, Colonel," he began softly, his eyes landing on each of them as he said their honorifics. "Doctor Jackson, Teal'c and Doctor Fraiser seem to think you are ready for this meeting. Quite frankly, I am not so sure. Do you believe you are ready to talk about what happened to you while on PX9-493, and," his tone stressed the conjunction, "do it without causing yourselves harm?" The words 'or harm to others' was left unsaid but hung in the air.

Brown eyes met blue ones before coming back toward the commander. "Sir," Jack acknowledged without making any promises or commitment. "SG-10, Major Carter and myself were detained in what I can only describe as some sort of prison camp." The words came out flat and detached from any emotion. "They wanted us to help them devise a way to defeat a warring faction on the other side of the planet."

"And you refused," the General surmised, catching the short nod of affirmation from his second.

"They tried to... persuade us," Jack answered, a flicker of darkness passing over his features at the faltered words. His gaze flickered toward Sam before moving back toward his superior. "After several beatings, we were injected with a substance that Carter believed was intended to increase our willingness to help them."

The General's eyes moved toward the medical doctor. His silent question was answered.

"The injections affected their endocrine systems sending their hormone levels through the roof. As you know, the endocrine system releases basic hormones and controls virtually everything in the body; sleep, metabolism, reproductive systems, emotions and about a hundred other things, including the ability to determine if any situation is a threat or not."

"Fight or flight," Daniel Jackson said flatly.

Nodding, Janet continued. "I ran a test for catecholamines on both of them. It indicates the amount of epinephrine, norepinephrine and dopamine in their blood. The body releases these as a reaction to stress or fright and prepares the body to respond accordingly. When they came back, Major Carter's levels were elevated more than 400% of normal while Colonel O'Neill's level was nearly that high. I'm not sure, but I can't imagine this," nodding toward the two officers, "was how they expected it to affect them."

"It didn't affect everyone the same way." Carter's low words brought attention to her. "Most of the others in the camp," she continued as her eyes held firmly on the table before her. "They were more compliant. Some were more interested in," she paused, her struggle to swallow evident to others, "other things."

The revulsion in the timber of Sam's words sent tingles down Janet's spine.

"They led me into a room where they had tied Carter down and then let six others in," Jack stated, his tone even but his eyes shuttered. "They were going to rape her and make me watch."

Uneasy eyes darted around the table before the General shifted. "You defended Major Carter," he surmised. The busted knuckles, cuts and bruises on Jack's hands, arms and face told him it had been vicious and prolonged.

Dark eyes lifted toward him. "I killed every one of the sons of bitches."

A hitched breath broke the silence.

"Oh god," Sam breathed, jerking upright and staggering a few steps across the room.

"Sam," Janet called, rushing next to her. She froze when Sam spun on her, a fist raised.

"So help me Janet, if you touch me right now..." The words trailed away but the unspoken threat did not.

The sound of a chair crashing into a wall nearly drowned out a growled feral threat. "Don't even think about it."

Jumping upright, Hammond snapped "Airman stand down," at the SF who had moved to address Major Carter's actions only to be met by a much more lethal Colonel. Catching more movement from the edges of the room, he barked again. "Everyone stand down."

Drawing a breath as the security detail moved back and he saw a slight easing of O'Neill's stance, Hammond looked toward Teal'c and tipped his head toward his second.

Stepping in front of Jack, his hands clearly at his sides to show he was no threat, the Jaffa locked eyes with his friend. "O'Neill, it would be best if we postponed the rest of this until Major Carter is feeling better."

The Jaffa's words drew Jack's gaze from the SF and broke the hard lines of his jaw. Looking back, he spun and moved to stand in front of Sam. Waiting until she looked at him, he spoke. "What do you need?"

"Out of here," Sam whispered harshly, moving closer to him. "Away from the concrete and glass. This room, the walls, them." Frightened eyes darted to each of the items in question including the security detail that had been constants since they had come back. "It's too much like there," she added, her voice more of whimper than a whisper.

Laying his hand on the slender one that had gripped the front of his shirt, Jack squeezed it and nodded. "Then let's go."

"Colonel, I can't let you..." Hammond called toward the retreating forms.

"General," Daniel cut off the senior officer. "Teal'c and I will stay with them. Keep them from doing anything." The unsaid words of 'to others' hung again in the air. Seeing a slight crevice in the General's unyielding veneer, he added, "Please sir. Just for a bit."

Looking between the archeologist and the spot where the military officers had been, Hammond pursed his lips. Glancing at Fraiser and reading her opinion, the big man slumped in concession. "Take a radio and stay in touch. Don't leave the base," he added, the military part of him still screaming with the part of him who considered these people family for whom he would do everything in his power to make the situation better.

Seeing Teal'c accept a radio from the security force personnel closest to the door, Daniel nodded quickly before following Jack and Sam out of the room.

"Sir," Janet called, pinning the commander with a look. "Colonel O'Neill has just spent days killing anyone and everyone who came near Sam. His hormone levels are still dangerously high and he hasn't even begun to deal with what has happened. If anyone tries to stop them, I'm not sure he has enough control right now to simply disable them."

Snatching up the phone, Hammond barked. "This is Hammond. Colonel O'Neill and the rest of SG1 are headed to the surface. Let them through. Do not interfere or detain them unless they attempt to leave the base."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Oh boy. Fasten your seat belts. I'm afraid my muse is going to be hard on my favorite team members again.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: A huge thank you to everyone who sent a review and/or followed this story. I know I owe some notes and I will send them soon. I appreciate your kind worlds and support. Enjoy.

* * *

Tearing his eyes away from the slowly changing numbers of the elevator, Daniel swallowed hard at the agitation evident in Sam's demeanor. He winced at the thought of the bruises she was causing due to the white knuckle grip she had on Jack's arm. Moving his gaze to Jack's features, he was not surprised to see no indication of the pain she had to be causing him. "We're almost there, Sam," he intoned softly, trying to calm her.

"I just need to get outside," Sam breathed, running a shaking hand through her hair.

As the numbers ticked to one, Daniel nodded at Teal'c as they prepared to step out first to ensure the SF's had received the message to let them pass. Moving quickly as the door opened, they were unprepared for Sam to dart between them.

"Carter!" Jack yelled shoving his way through the men on the other side of the door. Darting to the external doorway that was already starting to close, he barely saw her retreating form as she ran around the corner toward the path leading up the hillside. "Damn it Carter, hold up!" he yelled, running after her.

Behind Jack, Teal'c and Daniel were trying to catch the pair. "She's going to the summit," Daniel yelled, angling off to the second path that lead there to ensure she didn't cut back.

Pounding up the hill, Daniel ignored the pull in his chest telling him to slow down. Slipping, he caught himself from falling. From a distance he could hear the sound of the others climbing intermingled with occasional curses, yelps and calls to slow down. Somehow he had the feeling it wasn't doing any good.

Pulling up on the plateau where the two paths met, he leaned forward to catch his breath. As they weren't there, he figured they had detoured to a small meadow a short ways back. Starting at a much slower pace back down the main path, Daniel couldn't help but think back to Jack's vicious, feral protection of Sam and her tangible fear, bordering on hysteria after they had come through the gate. Although they had yet to hear more than the little they had just heard in the conference room about what happened to them, the ripped clothing, busted knuckles, cuts, and bruises told a story in of themselves. The black strips of bruising around Sam's wrists, ankles and neck alone made him shutter every time he saw them. He could only imagine how hard she had to be struggling against the restraints to cause that type of damage and what other damage might lie under her clothing. He had a pretty good sense of the damage to Jack's body as he had been in the observation room when Janet had treated him.

Getting closer to the others, his pace picked back up as Sam's sobbing pierced the air. Sliding to a halt as the rest of his team came into view, Daniel's throat clenched at the sight of her on her hands and knees crying so hard her whole body was trembling. Between the sobs, anguished, broken words choked out. Instinctively, he started to move closer to comfort her but was pulled up short by Jack dropping to his knees in front of her.

"My fault... made you kill... oh, God... please don't hate me... please don't send... me away... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Jack."

"Carter," Jack called, pulling on her arms to get her upright. Straining to hear, he barely made out her garbled litanies of "I'm sorry" and "don't hate me" that continued to fall from her lips with the sobs before crushing her to his chest. "God Sam," he breathed, her pleas ripping his tattered soul even more. "It's not your fault." Nudging closer to pull her tighter against his entire body, he pressed his head against hers and began rocking, oblivious of the tears that had dripped from his own eyes.

The sight brought tears to Daniel's eyes. As Teal'c moved closer to him, he saw a similar sadness and brightness in the Jaffa's eyes. In silent agreement, the two moved a short distance away. "Damn it, Teal'c," Daniel finally breathed. "How do they come back from this?"

***SG1***SG1***

Hearing the click of the radio, Daniel's head snapped up from the piece of ground he had been staring unseeingly at for some time.

"This is Teal'c," the Jaffa acknowledged the call, his voice low.

"Teal'c, I'm close," Janet called back. "I have two SF's with me with the items you requested."

"I shall meet you," Teal'c answered, his features telling Daniel that he should stay with Jack and Sam.

"Roger," Janet answered, looking back at the men behind her. "Teal'c and I can take this. I need one of you to take the samples back and the other may return to the bottom and keep anyone else from coming up here," she ordered.

"Yes, Ma'am," they acknowledged, setting down the packs before one left.

Watching them briefly, she turned back to see the large man approaching. "How are they?" Janet asked, returning the nod she had received in greeting.

Settling one pack on his back, before picking up two others, Teal'c replied, "MajorCarter has been asleep for several hours. O'Neill continues to keep watch."

"Well, that's a beginning I guess," Janet breathed, shifting the small pack on her own back before following the Jaffa back up the hill. Neither had slept more than an hour at a time since they had returned. "Wait here," she ordered the SF.

Coming into the meadow, Janet ran assessing eyes over the other occupants. Daniel nodded to her as he moved to help Teal'c pull the sleeping bags and camping equipment from the bags. Turning, she eyed Jack who was leaning against the stone facing on the back part of the area with Sam curled into his side. A hitched breath escaped her lips at the haggard, haunted look on his features. As if sensing her scrutiny or hearing her reaction, his face morphed into a flat mask as his eyes settled on her.

Taking a few steps closer, she shrugged off the pack on her back. "Colonel, I need to draw blood from you and Major Carter to see if your hormone levels are continuing to drop. Your body can't stand this much longer and if they aren't dropping, I will need to try something else," she explained.

She assumed it must be okay as he shifted his eyes toward Sam and brought one hand up to her head. "Carter," she heard him murmur as she pulled out her supplies.

"Doc's here. Wants blood," Jack said as he felt Sam begin to move. Nodding slightly, she moved one arm across Jack's body to give Janet access before closing her eyes again.

Wrapping a tourniquet around Sam's upper arm, she ran assessing eyes over her. "Sam, as happy as I am that you are finally trying to sleep, can you stay awake for a minute for me?" Seeing one eye open in answer, a smile pulled on Janet's feature. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Sam breathed, turning her face to rub it sleepily against Jack's side.

"How's the pain?" A shrug told her it was still there. Releasing the tourniquet, Janet let the vial fill before pulling the needle and pressing a cotton ball to the small puncture wound. "You've got some fresh blood on your hand," she observed, shifting her eyes from Sam's hand to her face as she finished putting on the band aid to keep the cotton ball in place.

Frowning, Sam sat up a little to look at her own hand. "Must be from when we climbed up," she surmised showing Janet the small tear on her palm. "It's fine," she shrugged, leaning back against Jack.

Pulling some antiseptic from her kit, she raised an eyebrow at Sam and held out her hand for the injured limb. "Any others?" she asked cleaning the tear.

Feeling Jack nudge her to sit up, Sam frowned at him as she did. "What?"

"Let Doc take a look at you. I've gotta go," he replied, tipping his head towards the woods to explain what he needed.

Sitting back to allow Jack to get up and leave, the doctor warned him she expected him to come right back. "I need your blood too, Sir." Catching the hand wave thrown back in acknowledgement, she turned her focus back to Sam. "How you doing?"

Her question caused Sam to avert her gaze and clench her jaw. After a few moments, she hesitantly licked her lips. "I don't know," she finally answered quietly. "Hurting, confused, numb." Snorting, she shook her head. "At least I'm not scared out of my own skin any more." Flickering her eyes toward Janet to judge her reaction, she looked away and winced at the sympathy there. "Please don't."

"Don't what?"

"Look at me like that; like I'm some sort of victim," Carter breathed out, her eyes closing at the implications of the word.

"Sam..." Janet began, only to be cut off.

"I'm tired. If you're done, I'm going to go lay down," Sam interrupted, nodding toward the sleeping bags laid out by the small fire.

"Fine. Do you need anything for the pain or to help you sleep?" Janet countered, pulling back to engage her purely professional mode.

"To be here, outside," Sam said before slowly rising and moving toward Daniel and Teal'c.

Watching her approach, Daniel ran assessing eyes over the obviously exhausted and pained woman. Once Sam had made it to a soft weeping, Jack had maneuvered both of them back where he could lean on the rock facing. It had taken a while but he had managed to calm her enough where she finally fell asleep. It had not been nearly enough.

"Hey," he called softly as she passed him. He nodded slightly at the small smile thrown his way in greeting. It was the first time in days he had seen something other than fear, pain and uncertainty on her features. "Janet had them bring up some sandwiches and fruit," he said, gesturing to the small cooler beside him.

"Water?" Sam replied, easing herself onto a sleeping bag.

Handing her a bottle, Teal'c held onto it until she looked at him. "You should eat," he nudged.

Nodding, Sam looked over Teal'c's shoulder toward the tree line. "I will when he comes back," she said before focusing on removing the bottle cap.

Silently pulling back, the big man kept his eyes on the woman before him. While she was no longer flinching and retreating from them, her demeanor was not that of the woman he admired and cared about. This one was wounded, timid and unsure. When her eyes trailed back to the woods, he spoke quietly. "O'Neill will return."

"Why would he?" she said flatly. "He could loose everything because of me."

"Jack doesn't blame you Sam," Daniel interjected gently, cutting off her self-derision.

"Maybe he should."

The anguished whisper snapped Daniel's head up toward Teal'c and Janet. Glancing down at her watch, Janet raised her eyebrows in silent question. The Colonel had been gone for more than ten minutes.

"I will let him know it is time for him to rest," Teal'c stated, gaining his feet.

***SG1***SG1***


	3. Chapter 3

AN1: A huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, review or follow this story. It always amazes and humbles me when others enjoy the stories I write. You get a little glimpse into Jack on this one. Remember - language and topic warning still hold.

* * *

Moving away from the camp, Jack picked up speed with each step. He needed to escape. Get away from his own pain and from hers. Trouble was, he wasn't sure there was enough distance in any universe to allow that to happen.

Leaning against a tree, he rubbed a hand over his face. As much as he wanted to escape he also needed to stay close. To protect her and keep her safe. Because he hadn't before. The self-recrimination pierced his heart, sending pain cascading across his chest.

The feeling that someone was watching him caused Jack to tense and spin. Locking eyes with the Jaffa warrior standing a short distance aways, it took him a minute to relax his hands from the fists they had curled into.

"I'm not going to run off," Jack said gruffly, turning partially away from the larger man.

"You do not run," the big man acknowledged watching Jack's body language. "Even when others would." When his words brought no reaction, Teal'c took a step closer. "Major Carter wished for me to find you as you had not returned."

"Doc done with her?" Jack asked, glancing at his watch in surprise at how long he had been walking around.

"It would appear so. Major Carter has not gone back to sleep and refused to eat. She said she wished to wait for you."

Watching as Jack nodded before frowning and looking down, Teal'c hazard a guess at what was wearing on him. "It is not easy to kill a man with your bare hands."

Wincing, the Colonel looked away.

"You were protecting Major Carter," Teal'c said, hoping the reminder would help to bring his friend back from the dark shadows of self loathing that he could see creeping across his features. "I would have done the same if I had been there."

"See, that's the thing," Jack answered, picking up a tree limb and testing the weight of it in his hand. "I didn't protect her. Some of them still got to her." Glancing sidewise, he watched as Teal'c's jawline tensed. "They split up. I couldn't keep all of them away from her."

"No one could have O'Neill."

"Well, I should have," Jack snapped back, suddenly swinging the tree limb in his hand and banging it harshly against the nearest tree. "It was my fucking job to protect my team," he growled out, slamming the branch into the tree several more times, ignoring the jolts coursing up his battered body with each impact. Dropping his hands, he let the end of the limb slip through his fingers. "Besides, tell that to Faber's family. See if it makes a damn bit of difference to them," he growled harshly, his eyes falling shut at the memory of the young officer who was dead needlessly.

"Nothing will ease their grief," Teal'c acknowledged flatly. "You protected Major Carter, O'Neill. She would have died from internal injuries if that many men had successfully penetrated her. They would not have been gentle." Looking away, he tried to hide his own grief.

"Jesus," Jack whispered, Teal'c words causing bile to bite into the back of his throat. "I can still hear her screaming." Raising haunted eyes, his voice was rough and haggard. "I got to her as soon as I could. I swear I did Teal'c."

"Of that I have no doubt," the big man said gently, moving closer.

"Afterwards," Jack swallowed, "When I got her free from the table, she went wild, kicking the bodies, screaming, fighting me. I finally got her to stop and I pulled some clothes off to give her. When she put them on, it was like the Carter I know disappeared and she turned into this fragile, wounded shell that I had to protect at all cost. When others came in to get the bodies," Jack stiffened, "I didn't give them a chance to get near her. One got close and I snapped his neck. No hesitation," he added, "on him or anyone who came after him."

"And in the infirmary?" Teal'c asked.

"I guess you guys zatted me in the gateroom," he surmised.

"You would not allow anyone to approach," Teal'c explained, "and you would not surrender your weapon. We had no choice."

Giving a brief nod to say he understood, Jack continued. "When I woke up, I saw a man leaning over Carter."

"And you felt you needed to protect her again," Teal'c stated, his eyes softening with understanding and compassion. "Lieutenant Faber was merely checking the intravenous needle in her arm."

Rubbing a hand over his face, Jack muttered, "In my head she was on that table begging me to help her." Dropping his hand, he winced. "Hammond say when they would have to lock me up for trial?"

"He did not." The click of his radio forestalled anything more he was going to say on the matter. "Teal'c here," he said into it.

"It's Daniel. Did you find Jack?"

"I did," Teal'c acknowledged. "We will return shortly."

"Good. Daniel out."

***SG1****SG1****

Following O'Neill into the campsite, Teal'c saw Major Carter's body slump when they came into sight. She continued to watch him as he came closer and eased himself on the sleeping bag close to her.

"Doc," O'Neill called rolling up the sleeve of his BDU so that she could draw the blood she had indicated she needed. As she kneeled down beside him on the opposite side of Sam, he gave her a self-depreciating smile. "Afraid I messed up your handiwork," he said, holding up his other hand to show her the blood soaking through the bandage.

Jack heard her murmur of agreement before silence fell between them. As she began to gather up the tourniquet and vial of blood to move away, he quickly reached out and laid his hand on her arm to stop her. "Janet," he called softly. Waiting until she looked at him, Jack swallowed at the sorrow he saw buried in her eyes. "I'm sorry about Lieutenant Faber. He didn't," Jack winced before continuing, "deserve what happened to him. If they charge me, I'm not going to fight it." Seeing her features pale, he withdrew his hand. "Just thought you'd like to know."

"Colonel," Janet breathed, her eyes darting toward the others to see if they had heard what the Colonel had just said. Before she could say anything else, he turned away.

"You eat something?" Jack asked, looking at Sam. Seeing her head shake, he cast an eye toward Daniel, nodding at the cooler. "Whatcha got?

"Chicken salad, bananas, apples," Daniel replied, lifting a sandwich to show him.

"Half?" Jack inquired, his focus back on Sam. Seeing her agreement, he watched as Daniel unwrapped the sandwich and handed it to her. Reaching up, he accepted the other half before holding his hand out for Janet to change the bandage. "Go on," he urged Carter to eat. "I'm gonna wait til Doc is done."

"Thanks," Jack murmured to Teal'c as he accepted the bottle of water being offered. "Pop that would you?" he asked holding it up for the cap to be removed. Drinking half of it, he winced as the bandage pulled away from his knuckles. "Damn that smarts," he breathed.

"I'll have to butterfly that spot," Janet said, pointing to the oozing spot below his index finger.

"So," Jack said, looking toward Daniel and Teal'c. "How'd it go working with Major Griff and the rest of SG-2?"

Sharing a look with the Jaffa, Daniel caught the subtle nod of agreement that there may not be another opportunity to relay what they both wanted to say. "Jack," he began, his tone relaying the fact that he knew what he was about to say would not be appreciated. "Teal'c and I, well, we wanted to say we were sorry. If we'd been..."

"Daniel." The sharply barked word shut off anything else the archeologist was going to say.

Seeing the younger man's expression, Jack blew out a breath as he deliberately laid the sandwich on his leg. He did not need the platitudes and additional guilt. "Look," he finally said, his voice low. "The shit that went down on that planet would have happened if you had been there or not. Two of SG-10 died and the other two are almost as messed up as we are," he gestured to Sam. "As bad as it is," Jack paused, a wince visible on his features before he looked away and steeled his jaw. "It's better you weren't there," he finally added.

"You would not have hurt us," Teal'c stated firmly, hazarding a guess at Jack's line of thought. "And we could have helped to protect MajorCarter."

"Maybe or they could have just killed you for no damn reason like they did Matson," Jack spit out, yanking his hand from Janet and rising. Stalking a few steps away, he fought to control the ragged breathing coursing through his body. Closing his eyes, he tried try to stop the memories as he clearly remembered the shock and surprise on Doctor Matson's features as he registered the blood pouring out of his chest. Lieutenant Werner had locked eyes with him silently begging for him to find some way to stop what was about to happen.

Jack had been helpless to stop it. A hand on his arm snapped him out the memory and caused him to jerk away.

"Colonel."

Doctor Fraiser's calm voice washed over him. Swallowing hard, he rasped out with no conviction behind the words, "Yeah, that's me." A silent 'for now' echoed in Jack's head.

Waiting until Jack looked at her, Janet sent him silent support and tipped her head back toward the sleeping bag. "Let's finish your hand, Sir."

Fatigue coursed through Jack's body causing it to sag and stagger. Catching himself, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair before he dropped them. "Yeah, sure," he muttered, allowing her to take his arm and lead him back. Sinking down, Jack laid down and draped one arm over his face as he gave Janet the other. Instinctively he knew his actions were causing the others concern, but he didn't have the energy to deal with it.

Looking over as she began to wrap gauze around O'Neill's hand, Janet noted the stark whiteness of Sam's features and the fact that both Daniel and Teal'c had moved closer in support. Glancing down, she taped the end of the wrap in place. Laying his hand down, she patted his arm. "Get some rest, Sir," she said softly before gathering her things and rising.

"Sam," she said lowly, kneeling next to her. "You should sleep too," she urged, taking the barely eaten sandwich from her unresisting fingers. When Carter's eyes did not move from the Colonel, she added, "He's had even less sleep than you," she offered in explanation. When conflicted blue eyes were raised toward her, she added, "He'll be okay."

"Will he?" Sam whispered hoarsely.

Daniel, Teal'c and Janet looked at each other. Her simple question had so many layers with it, many of which were beyond their power to know the answer. Physically, his injuries had been cleaned and bandaged, and would eventually heal, some leaving scars as a legacy to the event. Psychologically, he would be forced to seek treatment, but whether he would participate in it was something else. Emotionally, he could do his typical ignore, stuff, and pound his feelings into submission or the guilt and self hatred could kill him. Professionally, while his actions on the planet could be defended, it wasn't clear if his actions in the infirmary would be forgiven. If he was pardoned, they weren't sure Jack would forgive himself. If he was charged with murder, he could loose everything - his commission, command, pension, and freedom.

Swallowing, Daniel reached out and turned Sam's face toward him. "No matter what happens, we'll be there and get him through it. Okay?"

**SG1**SG1**SG1**

AN2: Okay, all in favor of giving Jack a hug raise their hand. Hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Continued gratitude to everyone taking time to read, review and follow me. I'm afraid for those of you who held up your hand last time, you're going to have to do it again on this one. Language and situation warnings still apply.

Coming to awareness, Jack heard the subtle awakening of nature around him in the pre-dawn morning. Listening intently to get past the rustle of the leaves on the trees and the birds calling each other, he could hear the subtle rustling of cloth upon cloth as someone shifted in their bed.

Sitting, he gently pulled the cover from his watch to see the time before glancing around at the rest of the camp. He was not surprised to see Carter watching him. Since they had come back, if they were in the same room, she had not stopped watching him. Trouble was, he had no idea why she was doing it. Was it from fear of him or concern for him? Was he being perceived as a threat that must be constantly monitored or as a touchstone that there were no nearby threats?

Frowning, Jack rose. "It's only oh-five-thirty Carter. Go back to sleep," he told her softly before heading off into the woods. When he came back a short time later, she was sitting up waiting. Stopping only long enough to pull a bottle of water from the cooler, Jack moved toward the eastern edge of the plateau to watch the sun rise.

Easing down on the rock, Jack winced has he tried to unscrew the bottle cap. He wasn't surprised when Carter's hand pushed his out of the way and loosened it. "Thanks," he said, watching as she eased herself down on the rock next to him. Seeing her gingerly movements, he grimaced at her discomfort. "How you doing?"

"Stitches in certain places suck," Sam said lowly, the small smile on her lips didn't reach her eyes. "So far, no signs of infection or other things," she said lowly, a shiver running through her. "Janet is going to want to do another examination later."

Jack's jaw clenched at her words. Looking out at the brightening horizon, he struggled to keep the water he had just swallowed down. When he felt like he could speak without spewing liquid, he said lowly, "Carter, Sam," he altered. "I don't know what is going to happen or if I'll get another chance to say this, but..."

"Don't," Sam interrupted, reaching for his hand and sliding her hand into his. "I would not have made it out alive if you hadn't been there and did what you did," she paused, looking down. When she looked back up, her eyes were brighter. "I cost you so much," she added, her voice thick with emotion.

"That's crap, Carter," Jack countered. "You didn't do anything," he barked, his voice harsh and unyielding.

Pulling her hand away, Sam stiffened. "You're right, sir. I did nothing," she stated back, self derision in her tone. "Nothing," she said again dejectedly, gaining her feet and moving to leave. Her advancement was stopped by a hand on her arm.

"Christ Sam, that's not what I meant," Jack groaned, pulling her arm to get her to sit down again. When she did, he slid his hand back into hers, his thumb sweeping the back of her hand gently before releasing it. "I meant you didn't make me do anything. That was all me." Looking away, a frown flittered over his features.

Slumping, Sam rested her shoulder against Jack's. Silence descended between the two as the sun broke the horizon and began its slow and silent advancement into the sky.

***SG1***SG1***

Sipping the water that had been handed to her, Sam grimaced as the pills scraped her throat going down. She realized that she made more of a face than she realized when her name was called. Looking up, she met Janet's questioning gaze. Shaking her head a little, she told her it was nothing new. "Sore," she said, gesturing toward her throat with a wave of her hand.

"Trouble swallowing?" the doctor asked, gently touching Sam's throat.

Flinching from the pain, Sam forced herself from not pulling away from the exam. "Not bad," she hissed out. "That hurts," she added in explanation, reaching up to stop Janet's hands from pressing any further. "Kinda bruised there," she added with forced levity, her words falling flat.

"Any trouble breathing?" Janet asked, pulling her hand back. Seeing Sam's negative reply, she nodded. "It's probably a little swollen from the bruising and the amount of pressure that was placed against it, but I want to scan it later to make sure nothing else is going on," she explained. "I'm surprised you didn't crush your trachea," she added quietly, dropping her eyes.

Drawing a shaky breath at the implications of her own words, Janet forced back the shudder that threatened to run through her body. Now was not the time for her to give into her feelings. Straightening her shoulders, she let out a slow breath. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Stiff, sore," Sam answered, shrugging off the rest. Seeing a raised eyebrow and the unvoiced 'and,' Sam sighed and looked at the surrounding countryside. She didn't want to feel right now. "Not as jumpy," she finally offered, her gaze drifting toward the others by the fire. "Looks like breakfast is ready."

"At some point, you're going to have to talk to someone," Janet said after a moment, seeing straight through the diversionary tactic.

"Not now," Sam answered flatly. "Not until we know what's going to happen to him." With those words she stood and moved toward the fire.

As she reached her teammates, the radio broke the quiet.

"SG1 this is Hammond. Come in."

"General," Daniel responded, "Jackson here."

"Doctor Jackson. I and two SF are approaching,"

"Roger," Daniel replied, his eyes cutting to Jack who shrugged. In a few minutes, the older man appeared into view. When he did, the team gained their feet.

"Sir," the Colonel said, reading the silent message that was being relayed by the security forces staying close to the General and waiting for further orders. "Beautiful morning isn't it, sir," he added, his tone relaying a forced lightness.

"SG1, Doctor," George replied, running appraising eyes over the group. "I trust you had a restful night."

Seeing their heads shake, Janet answered. "Yes, sir. They got more sleep than any other night since their return," she added.

"Good," Hammond replied letting the word hang for a moment before turning towards Jack and squaring his shoulders. "Colonel O'Neill, Colonels French and Nelson are coming from the Pentagon to conduct an inquiry into the events surrounding your last mission. It will be their findings that will determine whether or not charges will be brought against you. However, you will be detained until that decision is made."

Although his tone was official, Jack could see the sorrow hidden in the older man's eyes. "Yes, sir," O'Neill responded calmly. He had already reasoned the purpose of the General's trek. He was flattered actually that he had made the climb to pass on the news himself. "Brig at Peterson?" he asked wondering where he would be held.

"I don't think that will be necessary, do you?" George parried back. Seeing a flash of relief and gratitude, he sighed. "Jack, this isn't my choice."

"I understand sir. I appreciate you allowing me to stay on base," Jack answered.

"General Hammond, sir." Sam's voice brought attention to her. "Colonel O"Neill isn't responsible for what happened. I am."

"Carter."

Ignoring the barked name, she continued. "Sir, if I had been a better solder..."

"CARTER!"

Faltering at the angry roar, she flinched when her commanding officer was suddenly towering in front of her. Watching him, she swallowed at the anger she saw on his features. Looking deeper she saw regret and pain in his eyes.

"Damn it, I am only going to say this one more time. You are not responsible," he bit out, each word clearly enunciated and stressed. Blowing out a breath, he ran a hand over his face. "Fuck." Dropping his hands he visibly shuddered at the memories that deluged his mind. When he continued his voice was low and raw. "Carter. You were drugged without warning by friendlies," sarcasm dripped from the categorization, "interrogated, tortured, beaten, drugged again, stripped, tied down, gang raped, and about killed yourself trying to get away. Just what part of that do you think is your fault?" he challenged, ignoring her flinch and Daniel's quiet 'oh god' at his words. A part of him felt bad for confirming to Daniel what he suspected in such blunt terms.

Denial and panic flashed across Sam's face. "If I..." she began again only to be cut off.

"It is not your fault." Jack voiced again, softer but still pressing. "None of it."

Emotions warred across Sam's pale features. Catching herself from arguing further with her superior officer, she finally whispered back, "It's not your fault either, sir."

A resigned sigh escaped O'Neill. "Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong." A sad, mirthless smile pulled on his mouth.

Seeing the brightness of tears in her eyes, he caressed her face with his eyes. "Do you trust Daniel and Teal'c?" Her immediate nod and whispered yes caused him to continue, as the tension drained from him. "Let them and Doc help you," he said. "I'll deal with this."

"Jack," Daniel interjected. "Teal'c or I will be at the hearing with you."

Shaking his head negatively, Jack didn't take his eyes from Sam. "Take care of Carter."

"O'Neill," Teal'c challenged.

"That's an order," O'Neill said sharply, glancing at the two men. "It may be the last one I ever make and I damn well expect it to be followed. Stay with Carter."

********

Pushing the record button, Colonel Albert Nelson sat back and nodded to his counterpart from the Pentagon before shifting his eyes across the table. "In the room, Colonels Albert Nelson, Tom French and Jack O'Neill. Inquiry into Stargate mission to PX9-493 and subsequent events," he recited for the record. "Time is oh-nine-ten."

"Colonel O'Neill, since our arrival yesterday, we have read your official report but now we'd like to hear from you what happened," Tom French stated, rolling a pen between his fingers. Looking across the table, he scanned the stone features of one of the the most decorated officers in the Air Force and couldn't help but wonder just how much had been left out. He wasn't a fool. He'd written his share of post action reports and knew that for every word that was put on paper, a hundred more went unsaid.

Looking at the two men who held his fate in their hands, Jack shrugged slightly. "Not much more to tell," he stated flatly. "Everything you need to know is in that report."

Frowning, French glanced down at the papers in front of him. "Colonel, our job is to understand what led up to the incident in the infirmary."

"Incident," Jack muttered mockingly, glancing away, his jaw tensing. "Is that what the Pentagon is calling it these days?" he challenged, hard eyes turning back to the other two. "A Lieutenant of the Air Force died in a non-combat situation, hell, checking on an fucking IV, and you call it an incident?"

"Colonel," Nelson snapped. "Jack," he altered, softening his tone. "I've known you for close to thirty years and I can't for the life of me fathom why you got out of your infirmary bed and snapped the neck of a junior officer who was no threat." Seeing Jack wince at the statement, he lowered his eyes for a moment before looking back up. "Help me understand this...please."

Jack felt a wave of fatigue pass through him. Hell, how could he explain something he didn't understand himself? Slumping, he ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, sure," he finally said. "What do you wanna know?"


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Not too graphic, but some language. That man, Jack… tsk, tsk. A little shorter chapter I'm afraid but it was a good stopping point. Continued thanks for the kind words, favorites and follows!

***SG1***SG1***

"Walk us through it," Colonel Nelson urged.

Rubbing his hands on his face before dropping them, Jack let out a breath. "SG10 found a device they wanted Major Carter to look at. Said it was some sort of particle accelerator or something," Jack said, gesturing that it really didn't matter what the machine actually did. "Daniel Jackson and Teal'c were off world checking out ruins SG2 had found, so when the call came in from ten, General Hammond authorized Carter to go. I tagged along." Catching the other men's eyes, he saw they understood what Jack was saying. He went to make sure his teammate was covered. "Major Hitch and Captain Shelby met us at the gate and took us into town. Lieutenant Werner and Doctor Matson were talking to some of the town leaders and were to meet us at the lab."

"Did you notice anything out of order? People wise," French asked, seeking clarification.

Shaking his head slowly, Jack replied. "Not really. Saw a few folks, seemed nice enough. Curious, maybe a little leery, but nothing that screamed 'hey we're really a bunch of homicidal, narcissistic wackos'."

"So, Major Carter examined the device," Al stated, looking up from the report he had made a few notes on. "It was a fake?"

Nodding, Jack shifted in his seat. "Yeah, Carter took a look and said that while it looked legit, it really wasn't. Something about the force and velocity, machine wasn't configured to achieve the rates necessary. About that time, the door opened. We figured it was Matson and Werner coming, but the room filled up with some of the local goons."

"And they took you into custody?" Seeing Jack's nod, he added, "And you didn't resist?"

Jack looked down and let out a breath. He had wracked his brain over and over to see when the mission had gotten out of hand and how it could have been avoided. This was one of the moments he questioned that if he had given a different order if things might have turned out differently. "No," he finally said flatly. "I ordered everyone to stay calm and do what they said."

"Why?"

The word irritated Jack. Snapping his gaze up, his tone was harder when he answered. "Because they were humans and despite what you may believe, it isn't that fucking easy to pull a trigger on one when they aren't really causing you any harm."

Jack snorted at the hand gesture telling him that Nelson had meant no offense. Swallowing down his anger, he pressed his hands onto the table and allowed the coolness to seep into his palms. "They took us to a detaining area. Matson and Werner were already there. They locked us up and we waited until someone came to tell us what the hell was going on."

"One cell or several?" French asked, the sound of his pen scratching on the paper echoing softly in the room.

"Three," Jack asked cautiously. "What does it matter?"

"And where was Major Carter put?"

Narrowing his eyes, he ran them over Colonel French trying to read him. He had heard of French before, but nothing indicated he had any hidden agenda. But, that was the problem with hidden agendas - they were hidden. "With me," Jack finally answered.

"Your choice or theirs?"

A muscle twitched in Jack's jaw. "She's my second," he said, a bite in his voice.

A hum of acknowledgement met Jack's statement as French made another notation on his page. "Go on," French added, looking up.

"We sat around for an hour or so and then the mayor came to see us. Said he was sorry to have to keep us there and if we gave them what they wanted, said we could leave." Jack's tone was dry and flat. "They wanted us to give them weapons and teach them how to win the civil war that had been going on for over thirty years."

"Why you? Why did they think you would help them?"

Jack raised a hand and let it drop. "Reputation preceded us?" he quipped dryly.

***SG1***SG1***

Leaning against the door, Daniel frowned as he watched Sam lay unmoving on the bed of her quarters. Looking at the large man sitting in a chair at her feet, he received a slight shake of a head in response to his silent question. She had not left the room since they had come in from the mountain almost two days prior. Moving further into the room, he crouched beside the bed.

Running his eyes over her features to see if she was awake or asleep, Daniel squelched the instinctive wince as his gaze trailed over the shadows under her eyes that led to the greenish fingertip bruises along her jaw disappearing into the deep purplish band around her throat. Swallowing, he swept over the scabs on her arms and locked his eyes on the similar bands around her wrists.

As bad as the physical injuries looked, the thing that tore him up the most were Sam's eyes. The Sam he knew was no longer there. In her place was a lost wounded soul that he wasn't sure would be able to fight her way back.

Drawing in a breath, Daniel closed his eyes. There had been very few times he had wanted to kill another human without provocation. He would execute the ones that did this to her without hesitation. Snorting, the fleeting thought that he should feel bad about that passed through him only to be squelched by a heavier, more pressing need for some sort of retribution on her behalf.

"Daniel?"

Her soft question snapped his eyes open. "Hey," he said quickly, trying to cover the rough edge to his voice by coughing. "Came to let you know Janet is expecting you and to see if you were ready for some lunch."

A grimace shifted over Sam's features. "The Colonel?" she asked, deflecting the conversation away from herself.

"Still in the briefing," Daniel said lowly, forcing a small smile on his face. "You know Jack. He's probably got those other two squirming in their chairs."

A hum answered him as Carter eased herself upward, obviously in discomfort. "Need a hand?" Daniel asked lightly, holding one out.

"Maybe two," Sam answered dryly. She was not surprised to see another one appear in front her. Flashing a grateful look at Teal'c she took both of the hands and allowed the two men to assist her to her feet. "Would think by now things wouldn't hurt so much," she breathed, a rare confession of her misery.

"Janet say...," Daniel stuttered, gesturing at her body.

"Severe bruising, some tears, stitches," Sam answered, blushing slightly and looking away in embarrassment. "Not sure of anything else right now," she added, her voice low, hesitant.

Shifting uncomfortably at the unspoken implications, Daniel saw a similar pained expression flash across Teal'c features. Swallowing, he forced his features to relax. "You want me to get a chair?"

"Gawd no," Sam countered, forcing a tight smile on her face. "Sitting is worse." Squeezing their hands, she released them. Taking a few hesitant steps she paused at the doorway. "Stay close, okay?" she threw over her shoulder, her voice tight with a hint of desperation.

"We shall be," Teal'c's voice rumbled from behind her, close enough that he could feel the subtle shivers that ran through her body.

Moving down the hallway, Sam tried to squelch the nervous flutter in her stomach. While part of her knew that the SGC was safe, another part could not help but find the similarities between the base and the facility on the planet. Each had the same narrow halls, concrete walls, dangling metal light fixtures that left shadows in corners and damp cold feel of the air. Drawing in a breath, she choked on the familiar faintly musty smell. A shiver ran through her body, causing her to wrap her arms around herself.

As three airmen came around the corner and approached, her steps faltered and her breathing became shallower and faster as adrenaline coursed through her system. Instinctively she began to look around for possible weapons and escape routes as a whimper escaped.

"Sam," Daniel called, stepping in front of her but being careful to not touch. Trying desperately to make it look like they had just stopped to have a conversation, he noticed Teal'c move beside them, effectively blocking access from anyone in the rest of the hallway. "Hey, look at me. Focus on me," he murmured, moving his head in time with hers to catch her eye. "You're safe. They won't hurt you."

"Ma'am, sirs," the lead airman said as the group passed single file.

Listening to their fading steps, Sam closed her eyes and tried to get her breathing under control. "Damn it," she choked out, a humorless laugh escaping. "How messed up is this?" she asked, the strain of trying to contain her fear evident in her thick voice.

"Perhaps it would help if DanielJackson and I assisted you," Teal'c said, offering her his arm. "I have noticed that touching O'Neill seems to offer comfort."

Looking at the big man in gratitude, Sam gave a slight nod. "It grounds me," she explained softly. "Let's me know I'm not there. Not alone."

"I know we're not Jack," Daniel said gesturing toward Teal'c, "but maybe we can do the same."

Blinking back the wetness that threatened to fall at the sheer gentleness and compassion coming from the two men near her, Sam nodded. Slipping a hand into the crook of Teal'c arm, she did the same to Daniel when he moved beside her.

Drawing a breath into shaky lungs, Sam forced her shoulders to relax. Tightening her grip slightly to tell them she was ready, the trio continued slowly down the hallway.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Poor Sam. Sigh


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Okay gang, we are getting into more of the events on the planet. Things are referenced, alluded to, but nothing too graphic. Fortunately or unfortunately, sometimes our mind can fill in things even without details. So, take a deep breath. Not Sam's piece yet, but there is more than one type of horrendous act going on in this story. Situation and language warnings still in effect.

***SG1***SG1***

"Major Jonathan Hitch, SG10," the middle aged man recited into the microphone for the official record.

"Thank you for your time today Major, and my deepest condolences on the loss of your team members," Colonel Nelson stated, sizing up the dark haired man before him. He had not met him before but his service record indicated he was a solid officer. "I know you are still recuperating from your injuries so if at any time you need a break, please let us know."

"I'm fine, sir," Hitch stated squaring his shoulders and ignoring the timbers of pain running through his torso the move caused him. Waiting until the Pentagon officer broke eye contact, Jon glanced toward O'Neill and nodded slightly in greeting. He had not seen his superior officer since they had each been removed from the general area of the infirmary and placed in separate isolation rooms. Getting a silent skeptical inquiry into his true wellbeing, Jon allowed a slight shrug and smirk to escape. Leave it to O'Neill to see through someone else's bullshit screen.

"Colonel O'Neill has detailed events for the first part of your detention. He stated that after all several attempts to persuade you, everyone was doused with some sort of liquid and that your team was taken away. Can you tell us where you were taken and what happened?"

Shifting slightly, Hitch nodded. "We were taken to what they called a training facility." Eyes flashed toward O'Neill to measure his reaction to his words. "It was more like slaughter pens."

"What was their purpose?" Colonel French asked.

Looking down, Jon trailed his fingers across the top of the table for a moment, absently looking at his bruised and scabbed knuckles. "Ever seen one of those cage matches in wrestling? You know where two guys are put into a ring with wire around it and it's supposedly no holds barred?" Waiting until he saw the two Colonels indicate they knew what he was referring to, he continued. "It was like that, except there were at least six in the ring at a time and it there were no rules, no limits. If you survived, you got to walk out of it." Frowning, a slight shudder ran through his body with the memory. "That's uh... how they determined who were the best fighters for their cause." Verbal quotation marks of derision surrounded the description. "Essentially you were expected to beat the others to death," he summed up. Looking away and ducking his head, his breath hitched in his chest. "It was fucking brutal," he added hoarsely.

"Your team was forced to participate."

A short nod confirmed the statement before he cleared his throat. "Shelby first, then me. Right before you go in, they stabbed a needle of something into your neck. Think it was that stuff that we were sprayed with." Spreading his hands, he pressed them on the table. "It messed with me pretty bad." Closing his eyes, he shook his head and shifted. "Lieutenant Werner, Doctor Matson... I, uh, didn't see..." He stopped snapping his mouth shut.

"They shot Matson when he panicked and tried to escape. Werner was in with guys almost twice his size and experience. He didn't stand a chance," O'Neill said quietly. Nothing would be served by saying any more than that; by passing on details of how the younger man knew he was going to die and yet tried so hard to stay alive. How he had barely made it ten minutes from the time he had been shoved into the pen until he was lying lifeless on the floor being stomped on like trash as the others continued to fight and kill each other. Locking eyes with the Major, Jack sent his condolences for the loss and apologies for being unable to stop either man's death.

"You saw it?" Matson's voice was course and haunted.

"Carter and I were shoved into a room next to the one that Matson and Werner were in. There were windows all around it and we could see everything." A brief wince of pain flashed across his face before he steeled his features and continued. "You," Jack watched Hitch who was staring at him with glassy eyes, "were in the cage in front of us when we got there. I didn't see Shelby anywhere."

"Do you know why you and Major Carter were kept separate?"

Jack shook his head. "At the time, I thought we were next." A crease imbedded itself in his brow. "They kept saying how much they were looking forward to seeing me in action," he spit out, his jaw clenched.

"Did you try to escape?" French asked, running appraising eyes over O'Neill before noting on his paper the clenched fists and bouncing leg indicating his stress. He felt more than saw the brown eyes boring into him.

"Little fucking hard to do with your hands tied and your own damn gun pressed into your back."

"The same?" Nelson asked Hitch raising his hand to let him know he was referring to his wrists being tied up and being held at gunpoint.

Nodding, Hitch confirmed the same. "They took them off right before they shoved me into the cage."

***SG1***SG1***

"Hey Sam," Janet called out as she neared the bed the woman was easing herself onto. "Hurting?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Oh yeah," Sam breathed out, easing herself back. Blowing out a breath to try to block out the misery, she asked, "Why is it worse now?"

"Could be an infection," Janet said somberly. "I'm more inclined however to think that its because your hormones are rebounding some, dropping below normal," she added when she caught Daniel's questioning look. "Fewer endorphins to help her body deal with the pain." Nodding to the men to indicate they could go, she refocused back to Carter. "Let's take a look and see what we need to do. Okay?"

"We'll go scope out what's for lunch," Daniel said lightly, reaching down to squeeze Sam's hand. Stepping back, he tipped his head for Janet to follow him. "How long?" he asked as they stepped away from the bed.

"Give us at least forty-five minutes, maybe an hour," she said quietly. "I may have to give her a mild sedative before I can examine her."

"She, uh," Daniel winced looking away for a minute before returning his gaze. "She had a panic attack coming over here."

"Damn," Janet breathed, glancing back to make sure she was okay. "Anything else?"

"She said that touching one of us helps her. Let's her know she's not going to to be hurt again."

Nodding, Janet swallowed and raised stricken eyes towards Daniel. "I'm not sure we have the resources here to help her. And," Janet paused, drawing a shaky breath. "Sending her someplace else without knowing what's going to happen to the Colonel will kill her."

Squeezing her arm, Daniel gave her a tight smile. "It's enough for now." Switching his gaze to the bed, he added softly, "It has to be."

Swallowing back the tears that she wished she could cry, Janet drew in another shuddering breath. Closing her eyes briefly, she mentally shook herself. "You're right." Squaring her shoulders, she returned to being Doctor Fraiser. "I'll call you when we're done."

Moving back to the bed, Janet gave Teal'c a tight smile in response to his slight bow before he left. "Okay," she said lightly, catching Sam's eye. "Let's start with something simple, shall we?" she asked pulling the stethoscope from her pocket.

Listening to her lungs and heart, Janet kept an eye on Sam's reaction. "Lungs are clear," she said reaching for the blood pressure cup. Wrapping it on her arm she began to pump it up as her eyes tracked over to where Sam's eyes were focused. It was the bed Carter had been in when she was first brought back from the planet. Refocusing on the dial she released the valve and read the pressure before returning her gaze to Sam's features.

"Do we need to move to a different room?" Janet asked her softly, watching as she stared at the bed across the aisle on the other end of the room. "Sam?" she asked tightening her grip on her arm to draw her attention. "You okay?"

Carter glanced briefly at the doctor before returning her gaze. "Where was the Colonel?" she asked softly. "Which bed?"

A frown creased Janet's brow. "Over here," she replied gesturing behind her. "Why?"

"Was the curtain drawn?" Sam asked, her fingers gripping the sheet below her to pull herself into a sitting position.

Shaking her head, Janet couldn't figure out why she was asking. "I don't see what..."

"Was the curtain drawn?" Sam snapped hoarsely, her eyes tracking along the railing above the bed in question.

"I think so," Janet answered hesitantly. "Sam, what is it?"

"He couldn't have known it was me there," Sam whispered, her eyes becoming unfocused as she fought to remember something. Her eyes suddenly widened and her breathing picked up. "Oh my god," she choked out, panic and horror evident in her tone.

"Sam," Janet called, alarmed. "What is it?" she asked looking around for a threat. Seeing none she took Sam's hand. "You're safe."

Shaking her head emphatically, Sam pulled away and drew her legs up to roll into a ball. Ignoring the tears running down her face, she began to rock. "I screamed. I called for the Colonel. When Lieutenant Faber…." Sobs choked off any other words from escaping.

Closing her eyes, Janet swallowed. She had hoped that she wouldn't remember. "Shh," she said easing on the bed to wrap her arm around Sam's shoulder and pull her close. Catching the eye of the passing nurse she quietly gave an order for a sedative.

***SG1***SG1***


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Once again, I continued to be humbled by the number of reviews, favorites and follows to this story. Thank you all.

We are continuing with SG10's story here so language and situation warnings still in effect. Also, forgot to mention, Nelson, French, Hitch and any other original character are purely fictional. Any resemblance to other fictional or real persons is purely accidental.

***SG1***SG1***

Glancing at his watch, Colonel French was startled to see that they had been in the interview room almost three hours without a break. They had walked through the initial portion of SG10s mission to try to find any prior indication that all was not as it seemed. There had been little that would have warned the younger officer of the upcoming danger. Balancing if it was easier to finish this portion before lunch or bring Major Hitch back in, he glanced again at the time and made up his mind.

"What happened after you left the cage?" Colonel French asked quietly, noting the paleness and trembling in Major Hitch.

"I was... er...," Hitch paused, drawing in a breath to steady himself. Shaking his head, he grimaced. "It's fuzzy," he said quietly. "All I really remember is seeing Kevin and thinking that I could take him."

"You attacked Captain Shelby?" Colonel Nelson pushed for clarification his eyes scanning the report for something he missed.

"No," Hitch snapped emphatically. "No, I wouldn't hurt my team." Looking toward O'Neill, he sought confirmation that his commander believed him. Seeing a slight nod, Jon drew strength from the quiet support and understanding on his face. "I just thought it, but then, I don't know, something clicked and I realized who it was." Staring at the floor in front of him, he added, "He was pretty messed up. Bones sticking out," Jon gestured to his forearm, "barely able see, broken ribs, bleeding, exhausted." A shudder ran through Jon's body at the memory. "In shock, revulsed, a little nuts. Pretty much like me." The graveled confession hung in the air.

A moment of silence settled in the room before Hitch shifted, his fingers following the grain on the tabletop. "We didn't see anybody else until the Colonel came to get us," he added quietly, his eyes again flickering toward O'Neill.

"How did he find you?"

Shaking his head, Jon straightened in his chair. "Didn't ask. All I know is that he showed up with a gun and a GDO so we had a shot of getting the hell out of there."

"Where was Major Carter?"

Jon let another breath leave his body to still it. "Major Carter was with the Colonel," he said quietly.

Exchanging a glance with French at the deliberate choice of his words, Colonel Nelson pursed his lips at the sudden stillness of the Major's face and body. "Major Hitch." Waiting until the junior officer met his gaze, he continued. "We are not here to judge, only to understand." Seeing a flicker of something in Hitch's eyes, he pushed. "What about Major Carter? How was she?"

"The Major was with Colonel O'Neill, sir," Hitch repeated. "It's not for me to speculate how the Major was, sir."

"Major Hitch." The implied order in Colonel French's tone echoed off the wall.

Resolutely, Hitch held his gaze. "Respectively sir, I need a break," he stated, holding his ground while reminding them of Nelson's earlier statement.

Seeing the narrowing of the French's gaze, O'Neill snorted to break the stalemate. "Oh, for crying out loud," he growled, to draw his peers' attention. "If you want to know where Carter was, read the damn report and leave him alone."

Snapping attention to O'Neill, Nelson read the deadly stillness emanating from his body. This was not tension from discomfort or being overwhelmed by emotions. This was Jack O'Neill getting ready to throw himself into battle to protect someone under his command. Locking eyes, he read the silent threat in the brown eyes boring into his. Breaking his gaze, he turned to his Pentagon counterpart. "We'll find out later," he said lowly. Turning back towards the other men in the room, he cleared his throat. "Time is twelve seventeen. Inquiry is breaking for lunch," he said, reaching over and shutting off the recorder.

Seeing the slight nod from O'Neill, Al let the breath he was holding slip out of his body. The scrapping of chairs told him others were standing.

"Major," O'Neill called, moving closer to the younger man. "You okay to head back or need a hand?"

"I'll make it, sir," Jon answered, his voice low. Starting to turn away, he paused, his eyes darting to the Pentagon officers to make sure they were occupied before settling back to O'Neill. "Sir," he said softly, "Can I ask you a question?" Getting a nod to go ahead, he looked back down. "How do you do it? Knowing you're capable of..." Hitch bit back the sob that threatened to escape.

Jack flinched at the meaning of the words and the raw self loathing on the younger man's face. Looking down, he clenched his jaw and tried to squelch his own pain long enough to try to save another. "Major," Jack finally breathed, reaching out to stabilize the swaying man. "You did what you had to do to survive and get yourself and your team home. You gotta forgive yourself for that cause it likely won't be the last time you have to do something damn unpleasant to make it back."

"How? How do I do that?"

The raw plea stabbed at Jack's soul. The only outside sign of the new wound was a tick in the side of his face. "I don't have all the answers," he said gruffly, an apologetic shrug accompanying the words. Clearing his throat, he continued. "All I can do is focus on the ones that were saved because of what I did," a frown creased his forehead, "and try every day to find some way to make up for the rest," he added haltingly.

Sniffing, Hitch looked away. "Does it help?" he choked out.

"I have to believe it will," Jack said lowly, his eyes assessing Hitch. Seeing a tentative nod, Jack squeezed his arm before dropping his hand. "Let others in Jon, don't shut them out. Talk to Doc Mackenzie's guys. Tell your wife as much as you can. Hug your kids. Don't let this destroy everything."

Hitch gave the older man a short nod. "Yes sir."

Seeing a question if he could go, Jack took a half step back and nodded. "Have the airman help you," he ordered, gesturing to the door. "Fraiser will have both of our butts if you pass out on the way." Watching the younger officer leave, Jack felt a wave of fatigue pass through him. Catching himself against the table, he was surprised by a voice from behind him.

"You gonna take your own advice?"

Jack turned his eyes back to the doorway. "I'm long past saving."

Snorting, Nelson shook his head. "If that was the case, none of us would be here."

***SG1***SG1***

Pushing the pasta around on his plate, Jack blew out a breath and dropped the fork in the tray before him. He had been escorted back to his quarters and a tray brought to him for lunch. Nelson had told him it would be at least two hours before they reconvened. The soldier in him knew he should take the opportunity to catch some shuteye. Trouble was the non-soldier part of him was telling the soldier part to shut the hell up.

A knock on the door brought his attention to the room entrance. "You can wait outside," Fraiser ordered, stepping out of the way so the door could be closed.

"Doc."

"Colonel," Janet greeted him with a tight smile. "How are you feeling?" she asked pulling several items from the pocket of her lab coat and laying them on the table.

Shrugging, Jack eyed the vials. "What's going on?"

"Blood work," she answered, gesturing for him to give her his arm. "The others are experiencing some rebounding of their hormone levels," she explained. "Need to see if you are going to do the same."

"Hitch make it there upright?" he asked, watching her insert the needle.

A hum of agreement answered him as she let the tourniquet on his upper arm loose. Flipping vials, she added, "He's sleeping now." Glancing upward, she kept her voice neutral. "Must have been pretty bad this morning."

Pressing on the cotton ball and bending his arm to stop the blood flow after she pulled the needle out, Jack shrugged it off. "Pretty standard for these types of things." Licking his lips nervously, he threw the doctor a glance. "How's Carter?" An eyebrow raised at the subtle faltering of the doctor's movements at the question.

"Hurting," Janet breathed out. "Physically, emotionally, psychologically." Turning her gaze to him, she hated what she was about to say. "She remembered, sir." Another raised eyebrow had her clarifying, "That she called out for you. When Lieutenant Faber was there."

"Shit," Jack breathed, hanging his head.

"I had to sedate her afterward." Janet watched as he nodded slowly acknowledging her actions. "She sleeping now. Daniel's there in case she wakes up." Licking her lips, Janet sank into a chair near him. "Sir, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep her here. She needs more help than I can give her."

Jack's head snapped up at the words. "What?"

"Physically, she's healing, no sign of infection, pregnancy or any known sexually transmitted diseases. We won't know absolutely on some of those for a few weeks yet, but right now, things are looking good. Once her hormones stabilize, there is no reason for me to keep her under my care."

"And the rest?" Jack asked, gesturing to indicate he was wondering about the non-physical impact.

"She refuses to talk to anyone about what happened. She's having panic attacks, barely eating or sleeping. When she does try to sleep she has nightmares."

"What do Daniel and Teal'c think?"

"They're worried."

Swallowing, Jack picked up his fork and shoved the pasta around on the plate again. "Carter's a fighter. She'll get through this."

"I'm not so sure, sir," Janet breathed. "Right now she blames herself for everything that happened on the planet and in the infirmary. If you get charged and loose your commission..." Janet trailed off, shaking her head. Looking down at her hands, she added quietly, "I've already had to put Captain Shelby on suicide watch. I'm not so sure Sam shouldn't be there also."

Jack's jaw flexed at the statement. "Daniel and Teal'c are with her."

Janet nodded. "And that's the only reason I don't have her under observation."

Dropping the fork, Jack leaned back and ran his hands through this hair. "So what next? What does MacKenzie say?"

Shaking her head, Janet winced. "Sam won't talk to him. Tells him she's fine." Snorting, she shook her head again. "You taught her well." Swallowing, Janet looked at her hands. "If Sam doesn't begin to deal with this soon, she may never move past it. She'll never be cleared for duty again until she does, that's for sure. It wouldn't surprise me if MacKenzie requests to have her transferred to the Academy Hospital soon."

Jack winced at the truth of Janet's words. "Is there anybody else that might be able to get through to her?"

Chewing her bottom lip, Janet thought. "No one with full clearance right now, but there's a consultant that is close to the necessary level," she said carefully, raising eyes to him. "She's works out of Bethesda and specializes in trauma cases. I could request that she be upgraded and brought in. But," Janet stressed, to stop the Colonel from speaking. "Even if she is granted clearance, there's no guarantee Sam will meet with her until things are settled with you or that Sam won't be transferred someplace else for care."

Looking away for a moment, Jack nodded. "Talk to Hammond."

***SG1***SG1***


	8. Chapter 8

AN: This chapter is Sam's story. It's hard, but again tried to not be too graphic, but also left no illusions here either. Please heed this warning and take care of yourself. I had to find a happy place for myself after this one too. Created a totally sappy, fluffy scene in my head about Jack and Sam to erase the images this wrought. Encourage you to do the same.

Needless to say, language and situation warnings still in effect.

***SG1***SG1***

Catching sight of the persons coming in the room where the investigative hearing was getting ready to recommence, O'Neill shifted his eyes toward the two Colonels watching the newcomers. "Hell no," he snapped, drawing the men's attention. "There is absolutely no reason for her to be here."

Sharing a look with Nelson, Tom French took a moment to nod a greeting to Major Carter and the others who had joined them before focusing on O'Neill. Assessing the tension radiating from the man, he deliberately kept his voice low. "We need to hear what happened to Major Carter when she was isolated from everyone else."

Snorting, Jack rolled his eyes. "Look, we both know the only thing in question here is whether or not I knew what I was doing when I snapped Faber's neck. There's no question that I did it... hell, look at the video. She," Jack corrected himself, "they've got nothing to do with that. She should be in the infirmary for god's sake."

Staring down the agitated man, Albert Nelson squared his shoulders before saying, "I think she has everything to do with what happened that day."

"You son of a..."

"Sir," Sam called out, interrupting him and trying to break Jack's heated focus on the Colonel. When his eyes flickered to her, she continued. "I need to do this," she said, her voice low, rough. Licking her lips, she looked down. "I don't know if I can, but I need to," she added, the whispered words rushing out with her breath

"Colonel O'Neill."

Jack started at the General's voice. Realizing for the first time that Hammond had followed Fraiser, Daniel and Teal'c into the room, he fought to get his anger under control. "Sir."

"Major Carter has until this point been unable to file a report or debrief about the mission. She has graciously agreed for me and Doctor Fraiser to be in the room so that she doesn't have to go through what happened multiple times." He pinned Jack with his eyes seeing the objections about to start again. Taking a brief moment to look toward the Pentagon officers so they knew what he was about to say was a warning to them as much as an assurance to Jack, he added, "She will be treated with the utmost respect at all times and I have assured her that we can stop if it is too much. Doctor Fraiser will also be monitoring her condition and at any time can and will stop this hearing if it's in Major Carter's best interest. Am I making myself clear?" he asked glancing again at the subordinates.

Three "yes sirs" echoed in the room.

Shuffling the papers under his hand, Colonel French cleared his throat. "Doctor Jackson, Teal'c, if you'd be so kind," he said gesturing toward the door.

The General caught the flicker of panic in Carter's eyes as she looked toward the two men standing in her peripheral vision. Making up his mind, he said, "Doctor Jackson and Teal'c are following orders to stay with Major Carter. Now, unless Major Carter wishes for me to counter those orders..."

"Let them stay," Sam rushed out, flashing the General a relieved glance before darting her eyes back toward O'Neill. "They have a right to know, sir" she added, silently asking Jack to agree.

Locking eyes with Sam, Jack struggled to keep the objections choking him from escaping. Reading her silent plea to let her do this her way, Jack fought the anger back so that she would know it was not directed at her. Allowing some of the tension to seep from his muscles, he gave her an almost imperceivable nod in affirmation of her wishes and at the same time silently warned her that he would not allow it to go on too long or go too far. Her eyes indicated she had received the message.

Looking over his shoulder toward the rest of his team, Jack nodded a greeting to them. He had not seen or spoken to them since the mountain. Running eyes over them, he read the fatigue and concern in their countenance. Hearing Nelson start the recording and acknowledge the room participants for the record, he swung his eyes back to the front and wiped all emotion from his face. He had no doubt this was going to take everything he had to not react to what he was about to hear.

***SG1***SG1***

"Major Carter," Colonel Nelson said, looking up from the paper on the table. "Let me start by saying that we are fully aware of the trauma you have experienced and it is not our intention to make it worse for you. That said," Nelson paused, catching a sarcastic look from O'Neill before refocusing on the junior officer, "It is important that we understand anything that may have impacted Colonel O'Neill's behavior and that might explain what happened in the infirmary." Seeing her flinch at his words, Nelson swallowed. Shifting slightly, he glanced toward French noting the tension in his jaw. Neither of them were comfortable with what they were about to do.

"Colonel O'Neill has taken us up to the point where Lieutenant Werner and Doctor Matson were killed. I believe you and the Colonel were still in some sort of waiting or observation room."

"Yes sir," Sam said, closing her eyes briefly at the memory. She had averted her gaze when she saw that the young officer was quickly going to loose the battle he was fighting. The only saving grace was the fact that they had been unable to hear anything. Opening her eyes, she felt and saw O'Neill gaze upon her.

"We were being held at gunpoint, our hands tied," she said, averting her eyes toward the Pentagon officers. "They were," Sam swallowed, "disappointed that Lieutenant Werner did not win. Said they hoped the next round would prove to be more entertaining." Sam dropped her eyes to the floor. "One nodded to a guy in the back of the room and he opened the door. Two others came in and grabbed my arms."

"They took you from the room," French hazarded. "You resisted?" seeing a nod, he made a notation. Looking up he asked, "What about Colonel O'Neill?"

Sam's eyes darted to Jack, the memory of his cursing and protests at her being taken ringing in her mind. "He objected, said they could take him and leave me alone."

"Did he try to stop them?"

"He tried. He, uh..." Sam shifted. "They hit him in the back of the head with something. I saw him going down as they drug me out." She gripped the arm of the chair at the memory, her eyes absently noting the whiteness of her fingers as they curled around the steel. Forcing her fingers to unclench, she watched the color seep back in.

"Sam?"

Janet's voice snapped her attention to the doctor. Realizing she had been quiet for longer than she thought, she nodded to let her know she was okay. Sweeping her gaze back to the officers, she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, sirs." Straightening her shoulders, she let out a breath. "The men took me down a hallway. I thought I was going to the cage that Major Hitch had been in."

"They took you someplace else," Nelson stated, noting the tense expressions of all of the room's occupants.

"Three other men came into the hallway. They," Sam stated, her body stilling, a frown etching itself into her forehead, "surrounded me. They were," she shook her head and cleared her throat at the memory of the lecherous stares "not interested in my fighting skills," she spit out, a tinge of bile in the back of her throat.

"Someone stabbed a needle in my neck," she continued, her hand trailing up to the spot. "I tried to see what they were doing but they grab my legs, arms, carried me down another hallway into a room."

"You fought them," French said quietly.

"I couldn't get any leverage," Sam stated, her eyes on her hands clasped in her lap. "I tried," she whispered, her eyes raising toward Jack.

"Not your fault, Carter," Jack murmured, his eyes locked with hers.

Watching the exchange, Nelson pursed his lips. Shifting to make noise, he drew Carter's attention back to them. "The room, is that where Colonel O'Neill found you?"

Nodding, Sam took a deep breath to try to steady herself. "They.. uh.. strapped me onto a table, cut my clothes off," the words tumbled out in a single breath, her eyes tracing the lines of bruises around her wrists.

"Is this when they brought Colonel O'Neill in?"

Jerkily, Sam shook her head. "They started," Sam looked up, biting her lip, wincing, "groping," Sam shook her head again, "hands, mouths ... er, biting."

"Damn it." The breathed words rang quietly in the room.

"Then one," Sam's voice hitched, "climbed on top of me. Oh god," she gasped, her body hunching to instinctively protect herself. "It hurt so bad," she whispered, a tear streaking down her face. "I tried to get him off, to get away," she choked out.

"Major?" Colonel French called softly. "Do you need to stop for the day?"

Sniffing, Sam shook her head and straightened her shoulders. Drawing a breath, she shook her head again. "No sir. You need to know," she said huskily, her eyes straying again to O'Neill.

"Carter," the warning growl drew everyone's attention.

"No, sir," Sam pushed, her head shaking to reinforce her words. "I need to do this."

Sitting up at the exchange, Nelson shared a look with French. "Major, I will remind you that Colonel O'Neill cannot order you to do anything right now. If he did something..." Nelson trailed off at the look of horror on Carter's face.

"No," Sam barked, interrupting him. "Sir," she added, remembering who she was speaking to. "Colonel O'Neill did not hurt me in any way if that's what you are implying," Sam said, her voice stronger than it had been since she entered the room.

"Then what do we need to know?" French asked, his voice soft, prodding.

A frown creased Sam's forehead again. "After that one..." Sam gestured randomly, clearing her throat, "another one climbed on top of me." A ragged breath passed her lips. "I don't... er... . remember much other than I kept screaming at them to stop and trying to get loose... and... the pain." The sound of ragged breathing echoed in the silent room. "I remember them laughing," she whispered, "taunting, not leaving me alone." Shaking her head, Sam brushed the tears off her cheeks. "Another one started to climb up and he was pulled off. I didn't know why at first," she said, her voice strained, "and then I realized it was the Colonel, he was in the room."

Ignoring the shuffled movements behind her, Sam continued. "I screamed for him to help me, pleaded with him to let me off the table," Sam whispered, her eyes locking onto the stone profile of her commanding officer.

"He was able to do that," French stated.

A jerky nod affirmed the statement. "I," Sam rubbed her forehead. "was out of my mind," she said, her voice husky and broken. "Shaking... hurting... bleeding. Part of me knew it was the Colonel but part of me didn't. I tried to fight him, get him to let me go. I begged him."

"You begged him to get you out of the room?" French queried, trying to understand what she meant.

Sam shook her head, her skin almost a translucent white. Taking her hands off the arms of the chair to clasp them, she could not hide the tremors running through them. "No, not that."

Frowning, Nelson shook his head. "I'm sorry?"

Locking eyes on Jack, Sam whispered, "I wanted the Colonel to kill me."

Swift intakes of breaths mingled with nervous shuffling in the room. The only two who were not moving were the two involved in the original incident.

As Jack's head lowered, she could see the flexing of his jaw. Sam fought to keep a sob from escaping her mouth at the pain she was seeing and feeling. "I'm so sorry, sir."

"I'm sorry sirs, but that's enough," Janet interjected, stooping by Sam. She was alarmed by the slight trembling of her shoulders and the gray tinge that had begun to seep into her features. "Sam, honey, let's go back to the infirmary," she coaxed, laying her hand on her arm to draw her attention.

"I made him promise, Janet," Sam rasped out, her eyes unfocused. "I made him promise that if he couldn't stop it from happening again, he had to kill me." Shaking her head, a hitched breath escaped. "It's my fault. I screamed. He was just protecting me."

"Shhhh," Janet soothed, before glancing back. "Teal'c," she called. When the big man stepped forward, she added softly, "She's going into shock. Can you carry her?"

Nodding, he moved to the other side. Kneeling down, he called to Sam. "MajorCarter, we must go now," he urged. When she looked his way, his features gentled. "Are you able to put your arms around my neck?"

It took a moment for Teal'c's words to register. Slowly nodding, Sam did as she was bid to do. Gently sliding his arm under her legs and around her back, the big man stood. Pausing only long enough to nod once to O'Neill that he would care for Carter, the big man strode from the room, Janet close behind.

Clearing his throat, Colonel Nelson looked at the other men standing around the room, their features mirroring his own sorrow and horror at the events. "Recording ended... er... sixteen fourteen," he quietly recited, shutting off the machine.

Stepping closer to Daniel, General Hammond squeezed his arm. "Go on, son. I'll bring Colonel O'Neill in a minute," he said gently. Looking back toward the two Pentagon officers, he added, "I think it would be best if Colonel O'Neill stayed in the infirmary tonight." Not waiting for a reply, he turned back towards his second in command who was standing like a statue beside the table. "Jack?"

Haltingly, Jack looked toward his superior.

"Come on, son. Let's go."

"Sir," Jack said, his voice deep, thick, haunted. "Permission to dial PX9-493 and nuke every one of those sons of bitches off the face of that fucking planet."

Sighing, George glanced down. Looking back up, he slowly shook his head. "I wish I could, son. God help me, I really wish I could."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Thanks again for your support. I know the content is not always easy to think about or read. Hopefully you can stick with it. I'll try to get them to a better place eventually. Don't forget to go to that happy place we talked about.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: All of us need a little break from the mission. That said, we are picking up immediately following Sam's debrief. This chapter and the next are going to look a little bit at the secondary traumatic effects to those around Jack and Sam. No one is unscathed.

***SG1***SG1***

Watching as Jack moved slowly down the hallway to the infirmary, Daniel swallowed the lump that had taken residence in his throat. As much as he was hurting, he knew others were in worse shape. If he had any doubt of that, it was confirmed by the steadying hand the General had on Jack's arm. When the pair reached him he simply said, "Janet's examining her and getting her settled."

Nodding, Jack seemed to draw a breath and square his shoulders. Looking around, he frowned. "Where's Teal'c?"

Looking down, Daniel shifted before answering. "He's taking a break. He isn't handling what he heard so well." Raising his eyes toward the General, he added, "Might want to put an extra guard on the control room tonight." While he tried to keep his voice light, the truth of the implied statement hung in the air.

A tight smile pulled on the General's features. "I'll keep that in mind."

"What happens now?" Daniel asked, a frown pulling on his face.

"The inquiry isn't over," George said, looking to see Jack's nod that he was aware of that. "I'm not going to allow Major Carter to go back in there. There's no reason to put her through any more," he added, his voice quiet. Shaking his head as if to force a thought from it, he gave the men a tight smile. "She will be given the best care possible."

Shifting, Jack cleared his throat. "Fraiser told me she is going to ask to bring in somebody from Bethesda. A specialist."

Holding up his hand, George simply said. "Whatever she needs." Seeing the flash of relief pass across Jack's features, he added, "and that goes for you too Jack."

"Thank you, sir," Jack said softly. "Just make sure Carter's cared for."

Swallowing, a frown crossed the General's features. "Jack," he began, pausing to find the right words. "They're going to try to use your relationship with Sam against you. Say you're too close. You know that don't you?"

"I know."

Daniel flinched at the tired acceptance in Jack's tone. "General, Jack didn't do anything that any of us of wouldn't have done in that situation."

"Maybe," George acknowledged the possibility of Daniel's words. Giving him a tight smile, he added, "Let's hope they see it that way."

"I've sedated her," Janet said coming to a stop next to the three men. "She was pretty distraught by the time we got here," she added quietly. "She'll be out for a couple hours at least." Running an assessing eye over the others, she stopped on Jack. "When was the last time you slept sir?" she prodded gently.

Shaking his head, Jack grimaced. "More than an hour or so?" he asked cheekily. Getting a 'you know what I mean' look from the doctor, he confessed, "Couple days," rubbing the back of his neck.

"I told Colonels Nelson and French that Jack would be in the infirmary tonight under your care," Hammond stated. "I think it will do him and Major Carter some good."

"I agree," Daniel stated flatly. "If nothing else, maybe Janet can give you something to sleep." He ignored the glare thrown his way.

"That's entirely possible," Janet said, taking Jack's arm to lead him inside. "Come on Colonel. Let's you and I spend a little quality time together."

Rolling his eyes, he allowed the doctor to pull him closer to the doorway. Pausing, he tensed as they crossed the threshold. Getting a look from Janet, he jutted his chin at the other staff in the room. "They ready for me to be in here?"

Darting her eyes toward the staff that had paused to stare at the Colonel, Janet swallowed before plastering a smile on her face. "Their professionals. They'll be fine," she said, her voice a little louder than before to let the staff know they were talking about them. It seemed to work as the nurses and orderlies resumed their previous tasks. Putting pressure on his arm, Janet urged Jack towards an examination bed.

***SG1***SG1***

Coming into the gym area, Daniel paused as he heard the sound of gloves hitting a bag. From the force of the blows, he was glad he was not on the receiving end of them. Taking a few steps forward, he nodded at the passing airman before coming to a stop behind Teal'c. He could see the sweat shining off the big man's arms and soaking his teeshirt.

After he had escorted Sam to the infirmary, Teal'c had paused only long enough to make sure he was no longer needed. Although Teal'c had tried to hide it, Daniel caught the look of distress that passed over the big man's face as he turned away from Sam.

Waiting until Teal'c paused to take a breath, Daniel called his name. "Here. Looks like you need this more than me," he said holding out a bottle of water.

A grunt as another fist hit the bag answered his statement. Looking down, Daniel tried a different tack. "Janet has sedated Jack and Sam, give 'em both a chance to get some rest. We're suppose to bring them something to eat later."

More fists hitting the bag resounded in the air.

Pursing his lips, Daniel shuffled. "Think it's only fair to warn you that I told the General to put more guards in the Gate room." Seeing a slight falter in Teal'c's rhythm, Jackson pressed. "Jack said to tell you to not do anything without him, and since he's indisposed..." Daniel trailed off, letting the rest of the statement dangle.

Moving into Teal'c's peripheral vision, Daniel assessed the emotions flickering over the big man's face. "Somehow, I don't think the people on the planet are who you hate the most right now," he said quietly.

The words brought Teal'c's hands to a rest on the bag to stop its swinging.

"You want to talk about it? "

"In my time with Apophis many such incidents occurred," Teal'c said flatly, his gloves still resting on the bag.

Looking down, Daniel scuffed his shoe against a spot on the floor. "Like Sam's?" he finally asked. Seeing a slight nod in reply, Daniel averted his eyes back towards the floor. "You?" he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"No," Teal'c breathed. "But I did nothing to stop them." Turning from the bag, he grabbed a strap on one glove with his teeth and yanked to loosen it. Putting his hand under his other arm he pulled his hand from the glove and looked at the red knuckles. "If the woman survived, it was considered a blessing on her and she was released." Yanking off the other boxing mitt, he added, "I am no longer sure that is true."

Shock flickered across Daniel's face. "You think it would have been better for Sam to die?" he asked, his tone low, deliberate. Swallowing, he held his breath waiting for Teal'c's answer.

The blunt question drew the Jaffa's gaze. "I do not wish death for MajorCarter." Turning, Teal'c moved over and hung up the boxing gloves on a hook. "There was no consideration of the woman; no thought of what would happen to her once she was released." Looking around the empty room, he added, "She ceased to be of our concern."

"She was a thing, a tool," Daniel stated flatly. Watching the slow subtle movements of the punching bag, he added, "It's what they teach you... to be a good soldier. Dehumanization; separation between you and them," his eyes slowly trailing to Teal'c back. "So you can do what is deemed necessary. We all have done it." The words left an acrid taste in his mouth.

A glance from Teal'c had him clarifying, "Not what was done to Sam. No," Daniel said, a wince creasing his forehead. "But other stuff, just as bad, in a different form," he breathed, raising eyes to the Jaffa.

Walking over to grab a towel, Teal'c ran it over his face. "I wish to seek retribution for what has been taken."

"Jack did that," Daniel said softly.

"It is inadequate," Teal'c stated flatly.

Pursing his lips, Daniel nodded slightly. "Teal'c" he began, pausing, "nothing can undo what has been done. And we need to be careful... for Sam's sake." Seeing a slight canter of the other man's head, he continued. "Her head's messed up right now; they took a lot from her in every sense of the word. She's blaming herself for everything including the fact that Jack killed those men. We," he gestured between them, "have to be careful we don't do anything to add to that guilt."

"Neither MajorCarter nor O'Neill have done anything wrong," Teal'c replied.

"Not everyone agrees," Jackson countered. "Besides, it's irrelevant what anyone else thinks. It's what they think that matters and right now, neither think they're worth much. It's going to take some time for them to work through it."

A sigh passed through Teal'c frame. "At times, I am unsure if that is possible."

Shifting uncomfortably, Daniel allowed a breath to pass. "We have to think it is," he said softly. "At least we have to act like it is when around them." Forcing a small reassuring smile on his face, he held out the bottle of water. "Here. By the time you get cleaned up, it'll be time to head back to the infirmary."

Staring at the bottle for a moment, Teal'c finally reached for it. Taking hold of it but not taking it from Daniel's hand, he locked eyes with the archeologist. "If an opportunity presents itself to seek redress for what has occurred, I will not hesitate to take it."

Scanning the determination in the Jaffa's face, Daniel swallowed thinking of all the possible meanings to his words. "I know," he finally said. "And I'll be right there with you."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Hey, I said break from the mission, not break from angst. :) BTW, take one step forward if you wish to volunteer to go with Teal'c and Daniel.

AN3: Also - I was asked about frequency of posts. Will continue to try to get a chapter out per week but upcoming work schedule and holidays could impact this. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks for your patience.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Still the same evening here as the last chapter. Again, a thank you to everyone for the follows, favorites, and reviews to this story. I know it is not an easy storyline.

***SG1***SG1***

A knock on the door brought General Hammond's head up. "Doctor," he said waving her hand to indicate she should come in. "How are Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?"

"Resting," Janet sighed, coming to a halt in front of his desk. "The Colonel is understandably showing signs of stress and suffering from lack of sleep. Major Carter's hormone levels are slowly returning to normal." Squaring her shoulders, she added, "Sir, I do not believe it is in her best interest to continue in the hearing."

"I agree," George said, his voice firm. "I've already informed Colonels French and Nelson."

"Thank you, sir."

"How are Captain Shelby and Major Hitch coming along?"

A frown crossed Janet's features. "Major Hitch is doing a little better. He asked to meet with Doctor MacKenzie. I'm sorry to say that Colonel MacKenzie and I agree that Captain Shelby needs to be transferred to the Academy Hospital. He's showing signs of severe depression and at times is almost catatonic. Doctor MacKenzie will oversee his treatment there." Shifting the folders in her hand, she held one out. "The transfer request, sir."

Nodding slowly, he took the folder. "I'm sorry to hear that." Looking at the other one he raised an eyebrow. "Something else?"

Pausing, Janet looked down. "You should know that on this one, Doctor MacKenzie and I do not agree." Seeing the General give an indication he understood the situation, she continued. "I am requesting that a specialist from Bethesda be brought in for Major Carter." Thrusting the folder out, she continued. "Tiffany Rogers, doctorate in psychology, retired Air Force.. She currently has level nine clearance and has fifteen years experience working with trauma survivors."

Glancing through the file, Hammond pursed his lips. "She's combat experienced," he noted, flipping a page.

"Yes sir," Janet replied. "She was also held hostage for awhile when her chopper was shot down during her first tour." An eyebrow raised at the implication of there being a second tour after the hostage situation. Nervously licking her lips, she slowly added. "It is possible she knows what Sam is dealing with in ways Doctor MacKenzie will never understand." Glancing away, Janet brought her gaze back to the General. "Sam needs to see that it's possible to move on with her life and that she can still be an effective soldier."

"I'll make the request tonight," Hammond said softly, closing the folder.

***SG1***SG1***

Leaning against the elevator wall, Janet ran a hand across the back of her neck. She knew things were beginning to catch up with her emotionally now that she no longer had to be so focused on the physical injuries. Hearing the ding of the elevator indicating it was stopping, she forced herself to stand straighter.

"Hey," Daniel called gently coming into the small space.

"Hey yourself," Janet replied, an answering small smile on her face. "You find Teal'c?"

Sobering, Daniel nodded. "Yeah. He's getting cleaned up." Looking down, he added, "Told him to take some time."

The dinging of the elevator told them they had reached their destination. Stepping aside, he gestured for Janet to proceed him. "They still out?"

"Should be," Janet breathed, a sigh escaping her lips. The sound brought Daniel's hand to her arm.

"You doing okay?" he asked gently.

Looking away, Janet fought the sudden tears that appeared in her eyes. Drawing a breath, she glanced back. "They don't teach you in medical school what to do when two of your closest friends are in so much pain and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it." The brittle levity of her tone did not hide the underlying tremor.

Frowning, Daniel slid his hand into hers and squeezed it. "You are helping them."

Nodding, Janet squeezed his hand back. "Some," she conceded.

"When have you slept last?" Daniel asked, noting the dark circles under her eyes.

A smirk pulled at Janet's lips. "You stealing my line?" she asked in jest.

Chuckling, Daniel turned them toward the infirmary. "Maybe," he conceded. "Still doesn't make the question any less valid."

Stopping at the doorway and noting that both her patients seemed to be resting quietly, she let her shoulders drop slightly. "If they stay quiet, I'll sleep tonight," she promised.

Nodding, Daniel tipped his head to indicate he was going to go over and sit with them. He was stopped by Janet's hand not letting his go.

"How are you really doing with all of this?" The form of her question told him she was not convinced by his appearance of calm acceptance.

A sad smile at being caught pulled on his lips as he looked down and shook his head. "Barely holding on," he said softly, before moving away.

Easing onto the stool beside Sam's bed, Daniel let his gaze travel to Jack. Assuring himself that he was actually asleep, he brought his attention back to her. He was surprised to see blue eyes watching him. "Hi," he said softly.

A frown crossed her features. "What happened?"

Shaking his head, Daniel said, "Nothing. Janet brought you back and sedated you." Nodding toward the other side of the room, he added, "Jack's here too."

Rolling over, she sat up to look. "Why? What's wrong?"

Hearing the concern in her voice, Daniel touched her arm. "Nothing. He just needs some sleep," he said gently, increasing the pressure of her arm to get her attention. "Really," he said, when she brought questioning eyes back towards him.

Waiting as she scanned his features looking for any sign he was keeping something from her, Daniel felt her let the breath she was holding escape. Nodding, she laid back down. "Hungry?" he asked.

A grimace met his question.

"Soup?"

Seeing her acquiescence, he smiled. "Be right back. You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, turning her head to watch the Colonel.

***SG1***SG1***

Coming to awareness, Jack paused a moment listening to the subtle sounds around him. Remembering he was in the infirmary, he opened his eyes to confirm it. Frowning at the muted lighting and minimal personnel, he flipped open his watch cover to check the time. 'So much for supper,' he thought swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. Catching the rise of the duty nurse across the room at his action, he waved to her. When she neared, he gestured over his shoulder. "Bathroom," he said, before sliding to his feet.

Pausing to regain his balance, he ran his eyes across the covered form on the bed near his. "She been asleep the entire time?" he asked, jutting his chin toward Carter.

"No, sir," the Lieutenant answered lowly. "She has been awake several times since she was brought in. Nightmares."

"She tell you that?"

Shaking her head, the nurse smiled tightly. "Not hard to tell sometimes."

Acknowledging the comment, Jack headed for the bathroom. When he came back, he heard the low murmur of voices from Sam's bed and saw that the lamp above the bed had been turned on. Angling over there, he stopped a few steps away. Waiting until the nurse looked his way, he asked, "She okay?"

Sam rolled from her side and began to push herself up in the bed to a sitting position. "Colonel," she said softly in greeting.

Running his eyes over her pale face, he watched as she brushed fingers across her cheeks. Moving, he nodded in reply to the nurses' silent invitation toward the stool sitting beside Sam's bed.

"You okay?" he asked sitting down. Seeing her nod in response, he did not miss that her eyes didn't quite meet his. Looking around he asked, "Where's Daniel or Teal'c?"

"I told them to get some sleep," she murmured. "At least one of them have been with me since we came back in." A frown passed over her face. "They have to be tired." Flickering a glance down the room, she added, "You and Janet are here."

Following her line of sight, he spotted another body on a bed on the other end of the room. "Doc?" he asked, cantering his head in direction of the bed.

Sam nodded.

Looking around, he noted the absence of any other patients or of SFs. As if reading his mind, he glanced back toward Sam when she said, "Janet ordered them into the hallway."

"Ah," Jack said softly, dropping his gaze to his hands. The silence around them lingered, broken only by the low hum of the machinery in the room.

Laying back down, Sam rolled on her side to face the Colonel. "You okay?" she asked softly. Getting a slight nod and half smile in response, Sam let her gaze trace the features of his downturned face.

"I'm sorry, Carter," Jack said after a few minutes. "For earlier," he winced. "Didn't want you to have to do that."

"Will it help you?" The quiet hoarse question broke the silence that had settled again.

A slight shrug answered her. "You're not going back in." There was finality in Jack's tone. Jack's fingers reached out to Sam's hand gripping the side of the bed. Trailing them across her knuckles before tapping them to encourage her to release it, he added, "Hammond's decision, not mine."

Forcing her fingers to relax, she flexed them so they brushed against his. "Not sure what else I can say anyway." A frown crossed her forehead. "I don't remember anything else until," her breath hitched, "here," she finally finished. Flickering her eyes up briefly, she saw an answering frown on Jack's face. "Janet called it disassociation."

Nodding slowly, Jack tried to remember what he knew about it. "Not uncommon with what you went through, and that it could," Jack stopped himself from finishing his original thought. The sudden stillness of her fingers told him she knew what he had meant. Shifting, he changed what he was going to say. "We weren't safe." A flicker of relief went through Jack's mind that she did not remember all that had happened.

Dropping his hand from the bed, O'Neill raised his eyes to Sam's. "Fraiser's bringing in somebody to help you. You need to let them, talk to them." Seeing a flicker of panic cross her face, he pushed on. "You've got to deal with this, Carter. Find a way to live with what happened. You can't let them win."

Struggling to keep the tears away, Sam whispered, "So do you."

Jack fought back the urge to argue with her, he flipped the cover on his watch again. "It's only oh-two-ten. Go back to sleep," he said, his voice even. "I'll be there," he said gesturing towards his bed.

When he started to rise, a hand snagged his arm. "You have to promise me you'll fight this."

The choked, whispered plea caused Jack to close his eyes against the pain coursing through him at the memory of another promise she had pulled from him days earlier. The pressure on his arm tightened. "Please."

Opening his eyes, they trailed over the fingers clenching his arm until they were white. Reaching up, he forced his fingers under hers, pulling them away from his arm and wrapping them in his own. Squeezing them slightly, he released her hand and moved away.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Now you really didn't think I was going to miss an opportunity for Jack and Sam to interact after I went to so much trouble to get them in the infirmary together, did you? Besides, Jack needed a kick in the rear. He was being a little too passive. We are heading back into the hearing next week for those of you waiting to find out more of what happened not he planet.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Okay gang, we are heading back into the debrief hearing. Jack is being…. well, Jack. So, warnings for language and implied situations.

In reading past chapters to ensure some continuity, I have spotted errors and typos. Those are all mine - apologies about them. I'll get them fixed one of these days.

***SG1***SG1***

Sliding into the chair he had spent the better part of two days sitting, Jack nodded in greeting to the other two men in the room. He didn't envy them their positions. But then again, he didn't exactly feel sorry for them either. In fact, right now, he just wanted it over.

"Jack," Albert Nelson said, returning the nod. Glancing toward his counterpart, he silently asked him if he was ready. Seeing his agreement, he started the recording.

"Let's start back when they took Major Carter. What happened after that?"

"Usual," Jack breathed out loudly, a hand gesture accompanying it. "I said something about their mothers, they slammed a gun into the back of my head and kicked the shit out my ribs and kidneys." The statement caused several eyebrows to raise. "What? You expected something else?"

Reading the slightly defiant, slightly angry mask of brittle indifference on O'Neill's face, a shared look confirmed to each other that it was going to be a long morning. Clearing his throat, Tom French tried again. "How long before you realized that Major Carter had not been taken to the same place as Major Hitch?"

Sighing, Jack traced the grain in the table. "Not sure," he grunted. "Took a little nap when they hit me," a hand raised toward the back of his neck. "They were hauling Carter out, next thing I know, they're kicking me." Silence fell for a moment before he cleared his throat. "Must of got tired cause they pulled me up and shoved that damn needle in my neck before pushing me out the door. We went down a couple hallways and stopped in front of a door. One of them wrapped his arm around my throat and jabbed the gun in my kidney while another one undid my hands. Before I knew it, they'd shoved me in the room and locked the door."

French glanced at Nelson at the tight, pained expression on O'Neill's face.

"Carter was screaming." The hushed voice echoed loudly. "She was... He was...," Jack shook his head, gesturing vaguely. "The others saw me and started mouthing off." His fingers curled into the palms of his hands. "I had to get to Carter." He tried to focus on the feeling of his nails cutting into his palms to escape the echoes in his head. Taunts, bones breaking and flesh hitting flesh intermingled with Sam's screams, pleas and cries created a never ending horrific symphony of sounds in his mind.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

The call snapped O'Neill's head up and made him realize he had zoned out. Shifting, he nodded to indicate he was back with them.

"You killed the men," Nelson said, careful to leave all judgement from his voice.

"Yes," Jack breathed, looking down at this hands and rubbing absentmindedly at the indentions in his palm. "After," another gesture, "I figured out how to get Carter loose. She fought me, wasn't sure what was going to happen." Dropping his hand, he added, "I pulled some clothes off the other guys for her while she tried to clean up as much as she could." Wincing, he added, "She was out of it, bleeding."

Nodding French shifted his paper. "She told us," he reminded him. "You promised her something."

Frowning, Jack settled his face into stone as bile pulled at his throat. "She wanted me to kill her. Said that she couldn't go through that again. I told her that we'd get out of there, alive."

"You told her you'd stop anyone from raping her again." A jerky nod confirmed the statement. "There was only one way to guarantee that."

The harsh truth of the words hung in the air. Kill them or her.

Feeling his teeth grind together, Jack worked to ease the pressure in his jaw. Breathing out through his nose, he raised an expectant eye toward Nelson and waited.

***SG1***SG1***

Pushing the tray along the lunch line, Daniel randomly picked up some fruit for Sam to eat. Absently, he noted that the room was fairly empty due the lateness of the hour. Sam had seemed especially high strung this morning when he had arrived a little after seven and he had waited until Teal'c had come in after eight before he left to get her something to eat. Her uneasiness fed into the churning in his own gut. He had felt unsettled since waking up and it had not gotten any better when he found that Jack had already left the infirmary by the time he had gotten there.

Frowning at the selection, he finally decided on some bran flakes. Setting the bowl on the tray, he picked it up and moved it to the counter with the beverages. Putting a glass of orange juice on the tray, he reached for a travel cup. Flipping the lever, he frowned when nothing came from the pot. Shifting to the other one, he bit back an explicative when nothing more than a trickle came from that one. Turning to catch someone's attention to bring more coffee, his hip jostled the tray, sending the orange juice into the rest of the food. Biting back a curse, he felt a wave of anger pass through him. The feeling intensified when the tray slipped from one hand, clattering back to the metal slide bars. Snapping out a curse, he sent the tray flying down the rails. The sound of clattering dishes brought all other sounds in the room to a halt.

Daniel closed his eyes against the sudden tears in his eyes and let his head fall to his chest. Grief was a bitch that sometimes hit you when you least expected it.

"Doctor Jackson."

Daniel nodded to General Hammond's soft greeting.

"Come on, son. Let's go for a walk," the General said, gesturing for someone to come clean up the mess while gently taking the younger man's arm.

Escorting him to his lab, Hammond waited while Daniel slumped onto the desk chair and rubbed his hands over his face. "General, I'm..." Daniel stopped when Hammond waived him off.

"I've been waiting for it to hit you," he explained, easing his frame onto a stool at the high center counter. "You've been so busy trying to take care of everybody else, you haven't let yourself deal with anything."

"I just feel so useless," Daniel breathed, his brow creasing. "You know?" he asked glancing toward the older man before diverting his attention away from him.

"Oh yeah," Hammond chuckled. "Probably more than you ever dreamed." A curious glance made him continue. "Son, every time a team leaves through that gate to face god knows what on the other side, I feel useless." Seeing the objection on Daniel's face, he held up a hand to stop him. "But then I have to remember that being here, keeping the home fire burning so to speak, is just as important, just in a different way."

"We rely on that," Daniel said quietly, settling his glasses on his face. "When we're out there, facing god knows what," he said dryly, pulling a smile from the older man at the use of his own words. "It helps to know that when it all goes to hell, there's somebody back here rooting for us; that won't give up until we're back."

Cocking his head, George let Daniel's words echo away. Smiling he watched as the meaning of them hit the speaker.

Daniel dropped his head for a moment before looking up. "And we teach what we most need to learn," he murmured, feeling tendrils of emotional calm seep into him.

Chuckling, Hammond gained his feet. "Sometimes it helps to remind ourselves." Moving to the doorway, he said, "Along with chucking a dish or two occasionally." Looking fondly at the younger man, he added, "Take some time here." He gestured to the room. "Get settled. I'll have someone take Major Carter some breakfast."

***SG1***SG1***

"Come on," Jack snarled, his hand slapping the table. "What the hell did you expect me to do? Say hey, come on over, have a seat, let's chat? The bastard was too fucking close and she was freaking out."

"You said he was trying to move the bodies."

"Yeah, well, saved him some work," Jack snipped, averting his eyes.

Pinning O'Neill with his gaze, French narrowed his eyes. "Why the hell didn't they just shoot you and be done it?"

Feeling the anger drain from him at the sudden question, Jack shook his head slowly. "Damned if I know," he said softly, haunted eyes raised to meet those of the Pentagon officer.

The quiet confession calmed the tension. Shifting, Nelson looked at the pen in his hand. "You wanted them to."

"Yes. No," Jack stuttered, countering himself immediately. Running his hands over his face, he dropped them. "I don't know what I wanted. All I knew is that I had to get Carter the hell out of there, find SG10 and get all of us home."

"You where there two days?"

"I guess," Jack breathed. "It's a little fuzzy. They... uh... brought us some food and water, but other than that, left us alone. Fraiser thinks it was spiked with whatever it was they injected us with."

"So how'd you get out?" Nelson asked, scanning the report in front of him.

Shifting, Jack placed his hands flat on the table. "One of the guards, young guy," a frown passed over Jack's face, "left me an opening when he brought the food." Shrugging, he added, "I took it."

"What about Major Carter?" Colonel French asked, scanning for any notation of her in the report. "I don't see what she was doing." The stillness of Jack's body told him he had hit a nerve.

"What I told her," Jack said flatly.

"Which was?" French pressed. The tick of Jack's jaw caused him to run the scenario through his head. After a moment, he said, "You used her as a decoy. To draw the guards attention away from you." A wince told him that he had deduced it correctly. "I see," he said, making a notation.

"And she was okay with this, given everything that had happened?" Nelson asked, skepticism tinging his words. Watching as Jack averted his face while searching for how to respond, he frowned.

"Major Carter is one of if not the best officer I have ever served with," Jack finally stated, his voice firm, his eyes locking with the Colonel.

"Still, that was asking a lot of her," Nelson countered, pushing.

Squaring, Jack's eyes narrowed. "And your point?"

***SG1***SG1***

Coming up behind the woman reading a chart at the nurse's desk, Major Paul Davis cleared his throat. "Excuse me. Doctor Rogers? TIffany Rogers?"

Turning, the chestnut haired woman glanced briefly at the two SF standing behind the officer who had spoken her name before settling on him. "Something I can do for you," running over over his nameplate, "Major Davis?"

"The Chief of Staff would like to speak with you ma'am."

Somehow she knew he was not speaking of the hospital chief of staff. "May I ask why?" she said, her shoulders straightening.

"If you would just come with me, ma'am," Paul urged, gesturing for her to proceed him.

"I'm afraid I will need a few minutes. My patients..."

"That has already been taken care of Doctor," Major Davis assured her.

Eyeing the men, Tiffany pursed her lips. "Am I under arrest?"

"No, ma'am," Davis replied. "But I really must insist," he pressed. Seeing her hesitancy, he added, his voice low but urgent. "Doctor, it is a matter of national security. Please," he said again, stepping aside for her to move.

Reading the sincere expression on the younger man's face, Rogers ceded. "After you," she said.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: As I cannot respond individually to guest reviews, let me just send a special thank you to each of you who have taken the time to acknowledge this story and to send me your thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thanks again for all the support for this story. A gentle reminder that warnings are still in effect for language and topics.

***SG1***SG1***

"I'd like to go back to my quarters."

Glancing up from the chart in her hand, Janet looked at Sam and frowned. Mentally noting the paleness of her features and the nervous twitching of her fingers against the blanket, she slowly closed the chart. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," she said flatly. A glare had her add, "You can't keep isolating yourself.

"I'm not," Sam protested, trying to ignore the jab of conscious at the lie.

Easing on the side of the bed, Janet looked at her. "It's normal for you to want to," she said softly.

Blowing out a breath, Sam nodded. "I just need..."

Janet tilted her head in encouragement when Sam didn't finish her sentence. "What?"

Running her hands through her hair, Sam shook her head and gave a tight smile that bordered on a grimace. "Nothing. I'm fine."

Shifting the chart in her hand to the bed, Janet stated, "You talked to Colonel O'Neill last night." A nod confirmed the statement. "You've been restless all morning." A shrug acknowledged the accuracy of the statement. "Those two have anything to do with one another?"

Licking her lips, Sam pinched the cover between her fingers before letting it go and smoothing it. "He made up his mind about something last night," she said slowly. "He sat for hours watching me. Then he asked if he could go back to his quarters."

Not sure what Sam was getting at, Janet waited.

"He knew I was awake but he didn't say anything," Sam added, her eyes flickering to Janet. Clearing her throat, she shifted nervously. "Earlier, I made him promise to fight against them bringing charges, to defend," she winced at the word. "Explain," she amended, "his actions." Looking away, she added lowly, "He was angry when he left."

Looking down, Janet nodded. "And you think he was angry with you?" A grimace answered her. Patting her leg, Janet stood and picked up the chart. "Colonel O'Neill is dealing with a lot of things right now," she said carefully. "I seriously doubt that being mad at you is one of them."

***SG1***SG1***

"You obtained a weapon," Colonel French cited from the report under his hand. Looking up, he said, "How?"

"No one expected us to get out. No guard outside the door. We wandered about a bit but finally found an exit," Jack explained. "There was a guy with one there," he gestured as if the rest should be evident.

"Did you exit?"

Jack shook his head, shifting. "Wasn't sure if Hitch and Shelby were still in there."

"Wouldn't it have been better to get Major Carter to safety first? You were keeping her in danger for the sake of two men who for all you knew could be dead."

Brown eyes snapped up toward French. "We don't leave people behind." The terse words spoke of an absolute.

"Major Carter was in agreement?" Nelson asked, drawing Jack's attention.

"She knows that," Jack said gruffly.

"You had a severely injured team member with you," Nelson stated. "Did it occur to you that you were risking her life by not taking the opportunity to get her out? She could of had internal injuries."

Shifting, Jack fought against the urge to bark out the words that jumped in his mind. Yes, he knew that Carter could have internal injuries. Yes, he knew that he was risking her by staying. Yes, it took everything he had to not bundle her out that damn door and say to hell with the other two. "We don't leave people behind," he gritted out instead, glaring. He froze when he caught a subtle hand gesture occur between the two men.

"When you came back, you and Major Hitch were armed. Captain Shelby and Major Carter were not."

The sudden shift made Jack's eyes narrow and the hair on the back of his neck raise. "Made sense at the time," he said evenly.

"The Armory report indicated three guns were checked in," Nelson noted, raising his eyes from a report. Brown eyes watched him but gave nothing away. "I understand that Shelby was barely conscious, but why didn't Major Carter have one?"

"As I said, made sense at the time."

Frowning at the flat tone, Nelson sat back in his chair. "Was she helping the Captain?" Shuffling papers, he added, "When you came through the gate, Hitch had him."

"What's your point?" Jack asked sharply, an edge of command to either move on or ask what he really wanted to know in his voice. He watched as another subtle gesture occured.

"How did you find SG10?

Jack's eyes flickered toward French at the deflection. "Heard someone talking about taking them something to eat. We followed."

"And the GDO?"

"Earlier, when we were searching, we found the Mayor's office. It was in there with some guns."

"And he just let you have them, no questions asked." Skepticism laced the words.

"I didn't give him a choice," Jack growled, his fist clenching.

"Did you shoot him or do you simply enjoy the feel of someone dying in your hands?"

Jack's eyes flashed at the flippant question as a tick appeared in his temple from the force of the pressure on his jaw. Flickering his eyes between the two men, he forced himself to lean back in the chair. Narrowing his eyes, he assessed the two men in front of him. This was far bigger than who did or did not have a weapon or how he had obtained them. After a moment, he spoke. "Combat situation, known hostiles, enemy territory. One already injured, two dead, two others missing. Best case, they're just injured, worst case, dead. You've had the crap beat out of you, ribs probably cracked, pissing blood. You know enough to realize your mind has been compromised by some unknown substance but details are fuzzy and concentrating is a bitch. No indication reinforcements are coming. Someone sits between you and your only hope of getting what's left of your team home. You have six bullets and an unknown number of hostiles between you and the gate. What do you do, Colonel?"

The challenge hung in the air.

***SG1***SG1***

Hearing a knock on his door before it opened, Jack picked his head up from the pillow to determine who was coming. Rolling to his feet at the sight of the General gaining access, he nodded in greeting. "Sir."

"Jack," George replied, setting a small handled bag on a table by the door. "How are you doing, son?"

Gesturing for him to take the chair, Jack sank back to the bed. "I'm good, sir," he said, his voice holding a tightness in it that belied the words. "Going a little nuts here," he added, gesturing to the room.

George knew him enough to know the truth of that statement. Jack O'Neill did not handle doing nothing well. "Won't be for much longer," he assured the younger man. Waiting a moment, he continued. "Tom and Al have been keeping me apprised of their progress."

An eyebrow twitched at the use of first names. This was an unofficial visit.

Glancing back, George got up and moved to the bag by the table. Pulling out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey, he held them up to Jack. "Join me?"

Standing, Jack quipped, "Okay, but if the General finds out we're drinking on base, you're taking the blame."

Chuckling, Hammond poured two fingers into the glass in Jack's hand. "Oh, I think I can handle him. Doctor Fraiser now...," he trailed off, seeing the answering humor in Jack's countenance.

Sinking back into the chair, George watched as Jack swirled the drink in the glass. "Something on your mind?"

Flickering eyes toward him in response, Jack focused again on the amber liquid. "Sir, what did the Pentagon say when they told you they were sending someone out for an inquiry?"

Thinking, Hammond shook his head slowly. "Nothing unusual. Two officers coming to look into Lieutenant Faber's death. It's normal when there is a death in a non-combat situation."

Acknowledging that the inquiry itself was not unusual, Jack continued. "And French and Nelson? Know anything about them?"

Tipping his head, George read the tension on his second's body. "What's going on, Jack?"

Jack gave him a half shrug. "Something," he shook his head, "feels off, sir. Like this is about more than Faber." A questioning look had him adding, "What they're asking, focusing on."

"Like what?"

"My decisions, motives," Jack breathed out. A frown crossed his face.

"Sam," George hazarded, noting the slight nod. "We knew your connection could be seen as a problem."

Taking a sip of the whiskey to fortify himself against the possible answer, he asked lowly, "Do you think it is, sir? Do you think I've lost my objectivity? My ability to do my duty when it comes to her?"

Pursing his lips, George looked at the glass in his hand. "I think," he said slowly, "that right now, given your past experience and what has happened recently, that you are the only one who can answer that Jack."

Brown eyes raised toward him. "But they're going to decide it for me, aren't they."

The slight movement of Hammond's head gave Jack the answer.

***SG1***SG1***

Sighing, Sam laid down the fork she had been using to push food around on her plate. Dinner was no more appealing to her than breakfast or lunch had been. The action brought dark eyes toward her.

"You have eaten very little today, MajorCarter. Your body is healing. It requires additional sustenance to facilitate this," Teal'c stated matter of factly.

The words irritated her. Shoving the table away, she glared at him. "I'm not hungry," her tone dared him to say something else about it.

Tipping his head at her, Teal'c watched her silently.

Shoving aside the covers, Sam shifted to the side of the bed, her back to the Jaffa. "I'm going to the bathroom," she announced gaining her feet and moving away as fast as she could. Seeing a nurse head towards her, she held up a hand to stop her. "I'm perfectly capable of doing this by myself, Lieutenant."

Shutting the bathroom door, Sam leaned her forehead against it to fight off the unexplained anger that was coursing through her. She just needed a few minutes to not think.

Sam snorted at the thought. Turning around she leaned against the door, allowing the cold to seep through the white infirmary clothing.

What she really wanted, needed, was for things to go back to normal. To like it was before. Moving her head, she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

The person looking back at her was no longer Doctor Major Samantha Carter, expert marksman, theoretical astrophysicist, second in command to the most elite team on the planet. This was Sam Carter, helpless, scared, vulnerable. A victim.

The sound of the mirror breaking brought pounding on the door.

***SG1***SG1***

Watching as the door of the elevator opened, Janet nodded to the security force escorting the visitor to let them know she would take it from here. "Doctor Rogers? Major Janet Fraiser, chief medical officer," she said, stepping forward to greet her.

"Doctor," Tiffany said, her curiosity peeked by the location and means of access.

"Thank you for coming," Janet said, starting them walking. "General Hammond is waiting."

Walking through the halls, Rogers instincts told her that this facility was more than it seemed. She had spent enough time on bases in her career to know that the location and security screamed top secret. Following the shorter woman into the office, she instinctively straightened her shoulders when the General rose to greet her.

"Sir," Janet stated, "Doctor Tiffany Rogers."

"Doctor," George said, extending his hand in greeting. "Thank you for coming. on such short notice."

Quirking an eyebrow, Rogers bit back a chuckle. "It was a bit hurried," she acknowledged, humor lacing her tone. Sobering she added, "I understand however that the situation warranted it."

Nodding, George sat down gesturing for the two women to do the same. "Doctor, the soldiers of this base have gone through, well, quite frankly, things that no one should have to experience." Flickering his eyes towards Janet, he continued. "A recent event has taken a toll on some of my best officers and Doctor Fraiser has assured me that you can be of help to them."

"I can try," Tiffany answered, her eyes flickering between the two people. "If you could explain more..." she trailed off, at the hand movement by the General.

"Doctor Fraiser will give you full access to anything you need. But first," George picked up a stack of papers from his desk. "I will need you to complete some paperwork and be briefed on the workings of this base."

"Of course," Rogers said, glancing at the security access designation form on the top. "In case you are not aware sir, I currently have level nine clearance."

Smiling tightly, Hammond nodded. "The President has authorized it be raised to the level necessary here."

The statement caused a shiver to run down Tiffany's back.

"Ah, Doctor Jackson," Hammond stated, glancing behind the two women. "Doctor Tiffany Rogers, Doctor Daniel Jackson," he said as the two individuals shook hands.

"Thank you for coming," Daniel murmured to her.

"Doctor Jackson will be briefing you on what we do here," George stated, explaining his presence. "He is also extensively involved in the situation you will be dealing with," he added, his tone softening as a flicker of sadness passed over his face. Removing it, he smiled tightly. "I'll leave you to his capable hands," he added, nodding to the newcomer.

"Shall we?" Daniel said. Waiting for Doctor Rogers to rise, he looked toward Janet. "Bring her to...?"

"My office," Janet said, knowing Daniel meant after he was done briefing her. Waiting until the pair was gone, Janet brought her gaze back to the General. "Thank you sir, for getting her here so quickly. I thought it would take days, not less than twenty four hours," she admitted.

"Any change with Major Carter?"

Shifting, Janet looked down. "Agitation, anger, denial, sadness, restlessness. She pulled the bathroom mirror off the wall and broke it a little bit ago," she sighed. "She didn't hurt herself," she added seeing the General's concern.

Nodding, George sat back. "Sounds like Jack was in fine form today also. Gave Nelson and French all they wanted to handle."

Janet pursed her lips. "He can be a handful," she said wryly, a twinkle of humor in her eyes.

Chuckling, George nodded. "But worth every penny."

"How much longer, sir? Until the inquiry is finished?"

Sobering Hammond sighed. "At least one, maybe two more days." A frown creased his forehead. "They're pushing hard on him."

The look on his face and his words brought Janet's shoulders back. "You think there's something else going on here." Her tone was cautious.

Sighing, George looked away before looking back at the doctor. "It's possible."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: I always liked General Hammond and appreciated the complex relationship he had with Jack - commander, mentor, friend. Hopefully, I managed to capture a little bit of it here.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: This one is a little bit shorter but it is my favorite so far of all the chapters I have written in this. Warnings still in effect.

Thanks again for the reviews from all the chapters, but the last one especially. I know this is not an easy story and it may feel at times like its dragging. Sorry if you feel that way. I learned a long time ago to not fight my muse. She writes what she wants and if I try to fight it, we are all going to be waiting a very long time for the next chapter. So thanks with hanging with it or for choosing to no longer read. Either is okay.

***SG1***SG1***

Shuffling papers, Colonel Nelson glanced briefly at his watch. They had been at it for hours and everyone was getting tired. They needed to wrap up with O'Neill so they could complete the other interviews and have a recommendation by the deadline. Pushing back his own need for a break, he looked up towards Jack. "Once you obtained the additional weapons and GDO, you attempted to find Major Hitch and Captain Shelby." A nod from O'Neill confirmed the statement.

"We heard a couple of guys talking about taking them something to eat," Jack reiterated his earlier statement. "We followed."

"Were you both armed?" French asked, a slightly curious tone to his words.

Jack shifted, a flicker of something undefined passing his features.

"Colonel?" French pressed, waiting for an answer. He ran assessing eyes over Jack. Deliberating laying down his pen, he smiled tightly. "Yesterday, you laid out a scenario asking us what we would do if we had been in a situation like you experienced on PX9-493." Eyes narrowing, he tapped the paper. "Two of us, three guns," a slight shake of head indicated confusion. "I sure as hell would make sure every member of my team was armed so they could defend themselves and cover my back."

A tick in Jack's jaw told him he had scored a hit.

"The only reason I would not do that was if that soldier was in some way a liability to the success of the mission. Was Major Carter a liability?"

"No," the barked adamant denial was immediate. Clearing his throat, Jack looked up. "I gave Carter one of the guns from the office."

A frown creased French's forehead. "Major Carter was unarmed when she came through the Gate."

O'Neill looked away and licked his lips. "She wasn't a liability," he reiterated deliberately.

"Then what was she?"

The quietly asked question from Nelson brought Jack's eyes to him.

Blowing out a breath, Jack closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, he began to speak, his voice low. "Look, she was a mess. Hell, I was mess," he added, dry sarcasm tinging his self assessment. "The drug and the rape," he paused, a wince passed over his face at the word, "she was..." Another shake of his head. "She was jumpy, nervous, hell, terrified of everything and everyone," he confessed. "At one point, we had to dive into a room to avoid some men coming by. When they passed, I looked back to see if she was ready and..." Jack's jaw tensed, his hands gripped each other tightly. A breath escaped. "She was sitting on the floor, absolutely calm, staring at that damn gun as if it was the answer to everything." The words were bathed in dark finality.

"You thought she was going to kill herself." Nelson's voice was gentle.

"More likely do something to get herself killed," Jack ground out, looking away.

"So you disarmed her," French said.

Jack acknowledged the statement. "She wasn't happy about it."

"How did she react?"

A sad smile pulled on his face, part pride, part misery. "She's an Air Force officer in a combat situation. How do you think she reacted." There was no question in the comment.

"She fought back."

"With everything she had left in her," Jack said, wincing at the memory of the blows she landed and his reaction to the challenge. Immediate, intense, the instinctive bodily response to the feel of her body against his. Dropping his head to hide anything he might inadvertently reveal, he finally said, "I pinned her down."

"What happened then? Surely that fed into her fears," French pushed.

A sharp snort went with Jack's wry acknowledgement. "It didn't do her any good."

"You'd kill anyone who had challenged you until now," Nelson said, his eyes assessing. "What stopped you this time?"

Swallowing, Jack forced his hands to separate. "Recognized she wasn't a threat anymore," he threw out hoping they'd buy it.

"How?" Nelson pressed. "According to the everything you have told us so far, you were acting almost purely on instinct and training. Your training would dictate that you eliminate this potential threat immediately."

"And my instinct said not to," Jack snapped back.

"Why?"

Jerking his head away, Jack bit back the painful, brutal truth that he wanted to yell to seal his fate and end the charade. Because he was too busy fighting off the urge to rip off all of her clothes and do exactly what he had killed others for doing. Because the feel of her beneath him had almost erased every other thought or consideration. Because for some unknown reason, for some almost impossible chance of salvation awarded to him at that moment, he had held onto his battered soul just enough to hear the sobbing cries for him to stop, to let her go, to kill her like he had promised to do. A shudder ran through his frame. "She stopped fighting."

***SG1***SG1***

Tapping the folder in her hand against her leg, Tiffany stood just inside the doorway and watched one Major Samantha Carter in the bed across the room. It felt like she was looking at a reflection of herself so many years ago.

"Ready?" Janet said, stopping beside her. Getting a nod, she led her further into the room. "Sam, I want you to meet Doctor Tiffany Rogers. She'll be conducting your psych evaluation and determining your next course of treatment."

"Doctor," Sam greeted her respectfully, but with no warmth.

"And you must be Teal'c," Tiffany said, acknowledging the large man on the other side of the bed. "I am very pleased to meet you. Doctor Jackson has told me so much about both of you."

A bow answered her greeting. "He has spoken highly of you as well. He was quite impressed with your credentials."

The statement made her pause. Somehow, she wasn't sure he was speaking about the doctorate she held. His next statement confirmed it.

"O'Neill has spoken very little of his time in Iran but it was, as he has said, no picnic."

A smile twitched slightly on her lips. In that simple statement, he had relayed to Major Carter so many things. Blue eyes darted toward her, reassessing, reevaluating her potential worth. "I'd have to agree with him on that."

"You were in the military?"

Pulling a nearby stool closer, she eased herself down. "Fifteen years, Air Force. Made it to Major before I decided that it was time to do something else."

"Getting into people's head?" Sam's question was surly, challenging, derisive.

Another smile pulled on Tiffany's lips. Another mirror had just been held up. "No, helping them get out of their own," she said simply, unfazed by the accusation.

A question flickered over Sam's face. Seeing it, Janet looked up to Teal'c and received a slight nod in exchange. "Sam, you okay here? I need Teal'c for a bit. It's time for his annual check up."

Blue eyes darted between her two safety nets and then back to the newcomer. She paused a moment before nodding. "Not long, okay?"

Bowing his head, he assured, "I will be close."

***SG1***SG1***

"When you found SG10, what happened?"

"We took out the guy with the food tray. He had a key to the room they were in. We opened the door, they came out, we left."

"No opposition?"

Shaking his head, Jack sat back. "Nothing that we couldn't handle." A questioning look had him adding, "Two inside, three on way to the gate."

Glancing sideways at Nelson, French read the silent message for him to continue. "When Major Hitch was here, he seemed hesitant to speak about Major Carter. Do you have any idea what may be causing him to act like that?"

Carter's attempts to escape from him, pressing her against the wall to subdue her, her resistance and pleas to not to be taken into the room flashed in his mind. He had to keep a grip on her to keep her from running in flight the remainder of the time. "No." The word was flat, final. It drew raised eyebrows and a moment of silence before the next statement.

"When you came through the Stargate, video shows you shielding Major Carter and you refused to let anyone near either of you."

Jack's eyes narrowed at the statement. He waited to see where this was going.

"She was clinging to your back and Airmen in the room indicated you were yelling for them to drop their weapons, you and the Major were going to leave, and that you'd kill anyone that got in your way."

Looking around, Jack shifted in his chair. "There isn't much difference between the SGC and that place, looks-wise," he stated..

"So you thought you were still on the planet?"

A frown pulled on Jack's forehead. "Could be," Jack acquiesced. Flashes of Sam pressed to his back, an overwhelming need to protect her pulsing through him, flashing lights, and armed men advancing popped into his head. "I wasn't really thinking much at that point."

"I see," Colonel French said, watching O'Neill's face. Reading nothing unexpected in it, he scanned the report. Major Hitch had stumbled through with Captain Shelby and it has been another two minutes before O'Neill and Carter had followed. It had been SG10's IDC code used. "Do you remember dialing the gate?" Shaking his head, Jack told them he didn't. Tom made a note to ask Major Hitch who had completed this as Colonel Nelson took over the questioning.

"What do you remember about the infirmary?"

Jack shook his head, dipping it for a moment before speaking. "I remember flashes of the gate room and then Carter screaming, a man leaning over her. And," he drew out the word, "then him on the ground, others yelling, tackling me."

"You don't remember killing Lieutenant Faber?"

Sad eyes lifted to the other men. "No." A sad ironic smile tugged on the side of his mouth. He had killed so many in his career - their faces, the places, the sounds, smells, his thoughts, feelings, movements - all combining into a macabre scrapbook in his mind. Yet, the only one that truly mattered, the one that would define if there was any redeeming quality left or if he'd finally succumbed to the soulless killer that lurked in him, he had no memory of committing. "Doesn't change anything," he stated lowly, self loathing evident in his tone. "He's dead, I killed him, and there's not a damn thing that anyone can do to change those facts."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: And another shell just cracked. Now collecting hugs for one Colonel.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Apologies to anyone who thought we were through with the hearing - sorry. Not quite. Need to give you a few more bits of information before we can move on. Also, there is some extremely simplified information on the working of the brain in this one. Tried not to go all Carter on you. Gentle reminder that all previous story warnings are still in effect. Enjoy.

***SG1***SG1***

Setting down the coffee cup, Tom stood and stretched his back. "So? What do you think? Doctor Fraiser?"

Nodding, Al pushed his tray back. "Most likely," he sighed, knowing they needed to confirm with her if their physical injuries were consistent with what they had said happened. Frowning, he slowly shook his head. "You ever wonder what you'd do? If it had been you in O'Neill's place?"

A shudder ran down French's back. "Which time?" he quipped, thinking of all of the mission reports he had read involving Jack. "Hell, anybody else would have gone over the edge years ago with all the crap he's been through."

A gesture ceded the point.

"You've known him for years?" Tom asked, leaning against the wall.

Chuckling, Al shifted. "Yeah, we met in basic. He was a smartass back then too. Over the years, we'd cross paths, be posted on same base. Would hang out a bit at the officer's club, shoot basketball, that type of stuff. Lost touch when he went black." A frown pulled on his forehead. "Heard through the grapevine about his kid and that he'd retired. Went to see him, but," dipping his head, he sighed. "Let's just say the day I walked out that door, I was sure the next time I heard about or saw Jack O'Neill, it'd be at his funeral." Nelson drained his coffee cup to give himself a moment. "Surprised the shit out of me to see his name on reports when I was transferred to the Pentagon for logistical mission support." The final words had verbal quotations on them that caused both men to smile at the official term used for their work behind the scenes supporting Stargate Command.

"He reminds me of General Carter," Tom stated, moving to pick up his tray to set beside the door. "One hell of a master strategist, smarter than your average officer though he wants you to think he's dumber than a pet rock, and the kind you'd want watching your back cause you'd know he do whatever it took to get both of you home."

Chuckling, Al set his tray next to French's. "That pretty much sums Jack up." Sobering, he opened the door to tell the airmen outside they could take the trays and that they were ready for Doctor Fraiser. Closing the door after them he leaned against the door. "What do you think is going to happen to Major Carter? Think she can work through it?"

French looked away for a moment. "Right help, maybe. O'Neill might be able to give her a few tips." He shook his head slightly before looking at Nelson. "They're too close. You see that, don't you?"

Nelson pursed his lips. "Suspected it for awhile. And yeah, I see it." Moving back to the table he added, "Just not sure what to do about it. They're too valuable to the program and together their damn near unstoppable. Sometimes reading mission reports, I wondered if the only reason SG1 made it back was because all of them were so close." Locking eyes with the other man, he added, "Now I know it was."

***SG1***SG1***

"Major Carter's injuries are consistent with being held hostage, restrained and sexually assaulted," Janet stated, her fingertips tracing the edges of the file. "She has extensive contusions on her neck, arms, legs, and pelvic region. It will take several weeks for the tissue around her neck, ankles, wrists, and pelvic region to heal and at least six week for the pelvic bone itself."

A tic on the side of Nelson's face indicated his wince at the how much force had to be used for her to sustain bone bruising. "Other injuries?"

"Bite marks, vaginal and anal tearing, scratches, fingernail gouges, a cut on her upper arm," Janet gestured to the back of her arm. "Nothing that could not be accounted for by what we've been told if that's what you're asking."

Nodding, Nelson asked, "And Colonel O'Neill?"

"Extensive abrasions and bruising over most of his body, bruised kidney and ribs," she said looking at her notes, "and two broken knuckles on his right hand. He showed evidence of being struck on the back of his head but there was no permanent damage." Instinctively she looked toward the empty chair where she had last seen the Colonel.

Taking a breath, she continued. "Major Hitch's injuries are similar to the Colonel's. Captain Shelby sustained a compound fracture and extensive blood loss in addition to injuries from the fight."

"He has been transported to the Academy Hospital?"

"Yes, sir," Janet stated. "He is not coping well with what happened." Looking down briefly, she added, "He will likely have to be medically discharged."

"You were in the infirmary when the incident occurred," French stated, jotting a note on the paper.

"My office, yes sir. General Hammond and the rest of SG1 had been called in and I was briefing them on their status."

"So you did not see Lieutenant Faber's death?"

"No, sir." The quiet words held a breath.

"Tell us what you know," the Colonel said.

Janet nodded. "I was leaving when the klaxons went off indicating an unscheduled off-world activation was occurring. I was heading back to the infirmary in case I was needed when the call came for a medical team to the gateroom."

"By the time I got there, my team was loading Captain Shelby to a cart and assessing Major Hitch. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter were unconscious, surrounded by security. All four were taken to the infirmary by stretcher and I examined SG1 while Doctor Werner tended SG10." She shifted at the memory of horror as she realized what had happened to Sam. "All of them showed extensive injuries, varying levels of dehydration and exhaustion," she noted. "I ordered for them to be cleaned up, blood work, x-rays, and to start IV's. Doctor Werner took Captain Shelby to surgery almost immediately to try to save his arm." A sigh escaped her. "It was very close. He would not have made it another day."

"Go on," French encouraged.

"After they were tended to and cleaned up, both were still unconscious but had begun to respond to stimuli. Major Carter became restless. The day shift had been allowed to leave and part of the personnel were in surgery so we were down to minimal staff at that point. Lieutenant Faber had reported that Major Carter was waking up and seemed agitated." Janet paused and licked her lips. She began again slowly. "I ordered him to watch her, make sure she didn't disconnect anything. I didn't want to give her anything to calm her until she was awake and I could assess her again."

"Given the way Colonel O'Neill acted in the gate room, were additional SF's posted in the infirmary?"

"Yes, sir. Two additional at each entrance," she reported. "All of us are very aware of the Colonel's abilities."

Nodding, French made a notation that security protocol had been followed. "What happened next?"

"I heard Major Carter," Janet said on an exhaled breath. Drawing in air, she continued, "screaming for the Colonel and yelling no." She glanced down at the papers. "We ran into the area and saw the SFs holding Colonel O'Neill down and the Lieutenant was on the floor. I ran to check on him, but," Janet shook her head, "there wasn't anything I could do."

"And Major Carter?"

"She had yanked her IV's and monitors and was trying to get away from everyone. She landed a few good punches before we were able to restrain her." Janet's eyes closed at the memory of Sam's terrified screams and calls for the Colonel to help her. That had only increased his struggling against the SF's. Clearing her throat, she shifted. "I ordered them to be sedated and put into separate isolation rooms, including Major Hitch."

"What was he doing during this time? Was he combative?"

Shaking her head, Janet replied. "He was out of bed, but stopped when the SF and orderly got their hands on him. That's the main reason I later suspected that the water and food was tainted with whatever drug they were using." Questioning looks had her continuing. "His and Captain Shelby's hormone levels were significantly lower than Major Carter's and Colonel O'Neill's. The Major reported they had not been given food and very little water once they had been put into the room, whereas Colonel O'Neill indicated they had been given it regularly."

"I see," Colonel Nelson indicated. "So he was..." Nelson trailed off waiting for the doctor to fill in the blank.

"Thinking more, not reacting instinctually as much," Janet replied. "He was more capable of reasoning and rational thought than the Colonel."

"So you're saying Colonel O'Neill wasn't responsible for his actions."

"I'm saying there was no conscious decision on his part to do what he did, sir." Reading their faces, she continued. "You have to remember sirs that the brain is essentially made up of four parts: the brainstem, the midbrain, the limbic brain and the neocortex. The midbrain and limbic govern your most basic functions including your emotions, all types of memory, including motor memory, and hormones. These along with your brainstem regulate your bodily functions that you do without thought," she added. "Abstract and concrete thinking, differentiating theoretical concepts such as good and bad, or determining consequences of actions are done by the neocortex."

Janet saw their nods of understanding. "All events, stimuli enter the brain through the brainstem and flow upward. In a normal situation, the lower brains can stop or slow down rational thinking. If a gun went off outside that door right now, you'd react, dive for cover, probably reach for a pistol, wouldn't you?" she asked. Seeing nods, she continued. "Those behaviors, that response is as instinctual to you as breathing. It's only after that movement, that response, that you had eliminated the potential of an immediate threat to your safety that the higher brain would kick in and you'd begin to wonder what had happened, start to strategize what to do, how to move."

"This drug essentially amped up the lower portions of the brain, effectively stopping most if not all thoughts from reaching the higher portions. Anything that had become ingrained in that person would be performed without thought, without premeditation or rationalization."

"Like eliminating a potential threat or protecting a fellow soldier," Nelson stated.

"In Colonel O'Neill's case," Janet stated, "yes. For Major Carter, add to that the trauma of the rape and she was in essence, stuck in fight or flight mode.  
From what we know about their earlier experience and the fact that the Colonel would do anything to protect someone under his command, I'm not surprised by his action."

"So we should just ignore what he's done?" Colonel French asked, skepticism in his tone.

"No sir. I'm asking you to consider the possibility that Colonel O'Neill was doing exactly what he was trained to do and that he was incapable of doing anything else at that point."

***SG1***SG1***

"Hey," Daniel called easing himself into Jack's quarters.

Jutting his chin up in greeting, Jack frowned at the fact that Jackson had been let into the room. "What's up? Carter okay?"

Daniel nodded. "The General thought you could use company, maybe play a little chess or something."

"Ah. Babysitting duty. You tick him off or something?"

Chuckling, Daniel pulled the chess game from the cabinet where Jack kept it. "No," he drawled out slowly. "Think it's more along the lines of him worried you'll begin to dismantle things out of boredom. Flip for white?"

"Take it," Jack shrugged moving items from the table to make room.

Silence fell as the two men settled in and set up the game. They had made several opening moves before anyone spoke again.

"You done in there?" Daniel asked, not needing to clarify 'where' was.

Jack scanned the board. "Said they needed to talk to others in the infirmary at the time." Making his move, he waited.

Taking a pawn, Daniel nodded. "So a decision soon." A shrug answered him. "Any idea what it will be?"

A frown pulled on Jack's features. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

Jack's eyes darted upward toward Daniel at the sharply spoken word. Seeing the seriousness on his face, he refocused on the board. "Look, odds are even if they decide to not charge me, chances are someone is going to be reassigned." Moving he took one of Daniel's bishops.

Getting a questioning look, Jack clarified. "Carter, you and Teal'c might be able to stay together. I'll try to convince them," he said softly. He noticed the slight pause in Daniel's movements as he spoke.

"Did they say they were going to do that? Remove you from SG1?" Daniel asked, his tone careful, deliberate.

Looking away for a minute, Jack shook his head before turning his body in the chair so he could lean his forearms on his legs. "We're too close Danny. All of us but especially Carter and I, and," a sigh escaped him. "After this last mission," Jack shook his head staring at his hands noting the greenish hues beginning in the bruises. "I don't know if I can do it anymore."

***SG1***SG1***


	15. Chapter 15

AN: I just learned that someone was raving about this story on Twitter - thank you. I am been absolutely floored by the response to this very difficult story. I know it is not an easy topic or "fluffy" read. Sometimes I wonder if I have gone too far and then I see your wonderful reactions and it keeps me going. We are starting the long climb back now. I can't promise it will be a smooth ascent. Like scaling most mountains, sometimes you have to go back down a bit before you can climb.

***SG1***SG1***

"I just want it to be over," Sam breathed, looking away from Tiffany, a flash of despair appearing on her face. "I just need..."

"What?" Doctor Rogers pressed gently.

"I need to," Sam swallowed hard. "I need to know that I'm still me."

"Which one?"

Sam looked at her with a questioning look.

"Which you? The soldier? Scientist? Theoretical astrophysicist? The family member, friend, co-worker, support system, defender, lover, comrade, expert marksman, aunt, hand to hand combat expert, sister, savior of the earth, second to the most elite research and combat team in the world. Shall I continue?" A shake of Sam's head, had the doctor nodding. "All of that is you and I'm betting right now, that you're not very sure about any of part of it." Tiffany paused before adding, "You blame yourself. You believe that if you had just been a little bit quicker, stronger, faster, smarter, more experienced, fill in whatever I'm forgetting, you could have somehow prevented or at least stopped what happened."

Wide bright blue eyes looked at her in shock.

"You're not to blame Sam," Tiffany said, her voice confident but compassionate. Seeing the objections begin to bubble in Sam's features, she continued. "Nothing you tell me is going to change my mind about that. I know you don't believe that right now, but it's the truth."

Changing subjects, Tiffany smiled tightly. "Have you been to your lab since you've been back?" Hearing Sam's 'no', she stood. "Shall we?"

***SG1***SG1**

Finishing the notations in the file, Doctor Rogers looked up and smiled tightly. "Let me start by saying that what I'm about to suggest may not be easy for you to hear. I've met with Major Carter several times now. She has a long road ahead of her. But," she added seeing the uneasiness in the other's body language from her statement, "I believe that with time and proper intervention, she will be able to regain most of her duties if she so chooses."

"Most, Doctor?" General Hammond asked, his eyes darting toward Daniel and and Doctor Fraiser to see if they knew what Rogers meant.

Nodding, Tiffany said, "It's too early to tell for sure about some aspects like going off world or how she's going to react the next time she's isolated from teammates on a mission or needs to engage in hand to hand."

"You said with the proper intervention," Daniel reminded her. "What do we do?"

"I would like for Major Carter to come back to Bethesda with me for awhile," Tiffany said. "There are programs there that can help her."

Frowning, General Hammond shifted. "May I remind you Doctor Rogers of the sensitive nature of Major Carter's work. She will be limited in what she is able to say outside these walls."

Rogers nodded. "I understand, sir." A frown momentarily pulled on her face. "I'd like to say that Major Carter is the only military personnel to have been captured and experienced sexual abuse. She's not." A slight shiver ran through her body. "It will do her good to understand that and be around others dealing with similar events. Her experience is not different, only the location and in this instance, location is pretty irrelevant."

"She could just state it was classified and let others fill in the blank as they want," Daniel stated.

"Exactly."

Nodding slowly, Daniel wet his lips. "And Jack... Colonel O'Neill?"

"I've not had a chance to meet with him yet," Rogers stated. Shifting papers on the table, she scanned one sheet. "From what I've read and heard, he's going to be a tough cookie to crack."

A small smile pulled on Hammond's features. Sobering, the General glanced down before adding, "We've," he motioned toward the others in the room, "known Jack for years now and he's a good man who's had to do some pretty damn awful things in his life. He'd do anything for this planet and for his team. He's going to try to tell you everything is fine and to focus all your attention on Major Carter." Looking at the others, he received a slight nod in agreement. "Don't believe it. That man is as damaged by this mission as the Major. He's just better at hiding it."

Seeing they had nothing else to report at this time, the General dismissed the group telling Rogers he would arrange access to Jack.

Waiting until Hammond left, Daniel called to Rogers softly to stop her. Seeing Janet stop also, he grimaced slightly. He hadn't planned on the doctor hearing what he was going to say.

"Tiffany," Daniel said lowly, his eyes darting towards the entrance to the General's office to make sure he was gone. "The General is right. Jack isn't doing well. When I talked to him earlier, he said he was thinking about leaving."

A sharply drawn breath from Janet told him she was concerned by the news.

"Sam...," Janet began dropping off when Daniel nodded. '

"She'll blame herself," Rogers surmised. Glancing down at the papers in her hand, she too glanced toward the doorway. "I know this may be difficult to answer and Doctor, you may want to walk away right about now." Waiting a moment, she continued when Janet gave a slight shake of her head. "I really need to know. How close are those two?" she asked her eyes darting between the two people in front of her.

Sharing a look with Janet, he read her warning for caution here. "What has Sam told you?" Daniel hedged, looking for some clue on how much the psychologist knew so far.

A tight smile at the evasive technique pulled on Tiffany's lips. "You know I can't tell you that," she said lightly to ease the rebuff. Reading the fact that the two were trying to tell her something without actually saying it, she hazarded a guess from what she had read and heard so far. "Look," she said, shifting, "I get it. Fifteen years Air Force remember. People get close under normal combat situations. Doing it millions of miles away from earth, knowing at times that your team could literally be the only humans you will see or depend upon," she paused shaking her head, a shiver at the thought of doing that running up her spine. "So let me ask it this way. If they were no longer in the Air Force or in the same command for that fact, would they still remain in contact? And I don't mean the occasional note at holidays contact."

"Definitely," Daniel stated, confident in his reply. Janet murmured her agreement also.

"And that contact would likely," Tiffany paused looking for the correct way to phrase it, "change," she settled for, "become different than it is now?" She watched as the pair exchanged glances.

"Yes," Janet drawled out slowly.

"More Intimate?" she pressed, the words barely a whisper.

The darting glance between the two answered her question. "And nothing has happened between them yet?"

"No." The word came in stereo, adamant, confident.

"Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill are consummate officers who would never place themselves above their duty," Janet statement firmly.

"Or each other over duty?" Tiffany asked, making a mental note of eyes darting between the two again, a flash of pain evident in both.

Daniel looked down. "Jack killed Sam a couple years ago to save the base." Glancing back at Janet, he murmured, "If she wouldn't have been able to be revived, he wouldn't have survived either."

Blinking back the sudden tears at the memory of Sam on total life support and the Colonel beside her slowly slipping away, Janet drew a breath to steady herself. "Over the years, I've... we've seen those two go through more, survive more than anyone has the right to. The only thing that has gotten them through is because the other one was there, fighting for their survival, sometimes harder than they were fighting themselves." Janet's eyes darted to Daniel for confirmation she wasn't going too far. "They are as much a part of each other as any two humans can be." Licking her lips she added, "Daniel's right in that neither is going to put this behind them and remain here if one of them can't."

***SG1***SG1***

"What good will that do?" Nelson pushed, his voice carrying half challenge and half incredibility at the idea just proposed.

"It'll give a clear message that no one is above repercussions for their actions," French stated back. "You've seen the evidence before, the results of what can happened if something like this is left unaddressed. It will spread and damage the whole base."

"And" Nelson interjected, "It can backfire when that person is such an integral, respected part of the base. If you are wrong it literally could mean the difference between the world continuing and ending one day." As melodramatic as that sounded, both men knew it was true. Getting up, he paced the distance of the room. "We are talking about the most highly decorated, best trained, and most motivated officers in the entire Air Force. Without SG1, we would not be having this conversation because we'd all be dead."

"SG1 is a team designation. It will continue long after the current members have moved on," French stated dryly.

"Fine," Al snapped back. "Without O'Neill and Carter." Blowing out a breath, he rolled his head back and shut his eyes for a moment. Straightening, he added, "If I agree with your proposal, we'd be in effect condemning them for something we have no proof actually happened and ruining the careers of two officers, and," he stressed the word, "be delivering a crushing blow to the program. I can't see Doctor Jackson or Teal'c passively accepting it either by the way."

Nodding, Tom looked down at this papers and let out a sigh. "Look, we put in separate recommendations and let the higher ups sort it out," he said, his tone calmer. "We were ordered to investigate the circumstances around Lieutenant Faber's death and find out if Colonel O'Neill should be charged. We did our job. The rest of this," he gestured to the table, "is above our pay grades."

***SG1***SG1***

Watching as Sam's forehead creased with concentration, a small smile pulled on Teal'c mouth. When he had been called to the lab earlier, he had been concerned that something was wrong. He was surprised to find the Major disassembling a generator that was working intermittently and the psychologist sitting in the shadow watching. Rogers had assured him nothing was wrong; in fact it was really good that Major Carter was at that time reading schematics. She was due at a meeting with the General and needed to leave.

Now, watching her, Teal'c understood. She was calmer and more in control of her emotions than she had been since she had returned from the planet.

"Teal'c?"

The question drew his mind from its inner contemplation. Realizing she was looking at him with a questioning gaze, he stood and moved closer. "Do you need something MajorCarter?"

Shaking her head, she looked back down. "You were smiling."

"It is good to see you here once again."

"Yeah," she replied, her eyes trailing across the room. "Nice to know some things don't change." A tight sad smile crossed her face. "That not everything changed."

A nod of agreement followed her statement. Silence descended for a few minutes until he saw a wince flash across her face as she shifted. "You are in pain." It was not a question.

Glancing at her watch, Sam was startled to see how long she had been in the lab. "Overdue for Janet's magic pills." Standing slowly, she put aside the part in her hand. "As much as I hate to admit it, we probably should head back."

Moving with her, Teal'c waited until she had locked her lab and started walking before he spoke again. "Did you determine the cause of the generator's failure?"

"Not yet," Sam answered, her mind shifting through the parts of the machine and their workings. "It has to be either a modulator or a loose wire somewhere. The trouble is that there are about a hundred possible places it could be." She continued to tell him of them as they walked.

"I am confident you will find it. Perhaps you can determine the best place to look for the next time you are there."

"Maybe," she said, entering the infirmary. "I should have brought the report on it back to study, find out if there is any pattern for when it shuts down."

"I shall bring it to you."

"Well, that is a good sign. You wanting some technical report," Janet teased stopping beside the bed. "You need these?" she asked, rattling the pills in a paper cup in her hand. Placing them into Sam's outstretch hand, she noted the calmer expression. "I take it you enjoyed your outing?"

"Yeah," Sam said softly. "I did." Swallowing she crushed the paper cup and tossed it in the trash beside her bed. "It felt normal, you know?"

"I do," Janet agreed looking around. "This place grounds me, as strange at that sounds. It's normal. I know what's expected of me and what I need to do here. It makes sense your lab would be that place for you."

***SG1***SG1***

Frowning, General Hammond looked up from the papers lying side by side on his desk. "These are your final recommendations?"

Two "Yes sirs" echoed in the room.

"I see," George said, reading the body language of the two men. Sitting back, he watched them for a few minutes. "Gentlemen, if you are going to judge two of my best officers and in turn, my command of this base, I think you need to clearly understand the implications of what you are doing." Seeing the two officers look at each other, he continued. "SG-3 is heading out on a recon mission in one hour. I think it would be good for both of you to accompany them."

"With all due respect sir," French stated, "we are fully aware of all Cheyenne Mountain missions as we analyze and review each report."

"And you and I know that entire novels can be written with what's left out of every one of those reports," Hammond countered.

Seeing continued objections being formed, Hammond interrupted them before they could start. "That wasn't a suggestion Colonel. Report to the mission ready room immediately. I'll notify Colonel Reynolds you'll be joining him. He is in charge and I suggest you both follow his orders if you want to come back alive." Moving the two pieces of paper aside, he added, "Dismissed."

***SG1***SG1*** 

AN2: Mean I know (sorry) but I promise, in the next chapter you are going to begin to get some answers and I think it's time for a little more J&S time.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Okay as promised, a few answers and some J&S goodness. I owe thank you notes for reviews on the last chapter too. Am feeling a little under the weather so am using the little bit of energy I have right now to prioritize getting this posted. So, please forgive the lateness in of my acknowledgements. Don't think this part is too bad for references to specific acts or language, but as always a caution is in effect. Enjoy.

***SG1***SG1***

"O'Neill," Teal'c called stopping in the doorway of Jack's room. "There is someone who wishes to speak with you," he said stepping further in the room to allow the woman to enter. "It would be best if you did so," he added before leaving.

Turning back from watching the big man leave, Tiffany raised an eyebrow. "Succinct, isn't he?" she asked dryly. Seeing the answering amusement in the man's eyes, she took a step forward. "Doctor Tiffany Rogers. I'm happy to meet you, sir."

The appellation raised Jack's eyebrow. "Sir," he reiterated slowly. Cocking his head, he ran his eyes over her clothing. "Is there a rank that goes with that doctorate?"

"Major, retired," she answered. Following his gesture to take a seat, she added, "Instinct I guess, to call you that."

"You're the doc Fraiser brought in for Carter," Jack surmised, easing down across from her. "How's she doing?"

"Better," Rogers sighed. "Physically, she's healing. Emotionally, it's slow going." Gauging his response, she added, "She's concerned about you."

"Tell Carter to worry about herself. I'm fine," he said, his eyes darting away from her as he spoke.

"Really? Wow," Tiffany said, watching his reaction. She had decided before she came in to pull no punches. "You saw someone you care about being raped, killed several men to save her and other members of this command, and now you could potentially be brought up on charges, and you are fine." Sitting back, she raised a hand and allowed it to drop to indicate her disbelief. "You'd have to be a sociopath or some super human who's learned to conquer all emotion if that is the case." Seeing a flash of anger at her words, she pushed. "So which is it, Colonel?"

Hard brown eyes told her to back off.

The intensity of his nonverbal message had Tiffany instinctually straightening her back. Mentally shaking herself to stop the apology for insubordination that was forming in her mind, the thought that this man had obviously written the book on denial and repression of feeling passed through her. "Look, I'm going to be blunt." A snort and a look told her he thought she had been already. "Sam needs you to work through this and come to terms with what happened. She won't be able to move forward if she believes you are blaming yourself or, god forbid, her for what happened."

"It's not Carter's fault," Jack snapped out, his jaw flexing. "I've told her that."

Nodding, Tiffany agreed. "She said that. She also said you're angry with her and those two things don't make sense to her unless you blame her."

Shock flittered across Jack's face. "Angry with her? Where'd she come up with that?"

Shaking her head, she told him she didn't know what it was exactly. Changing topics, she added, "You didn't say if you blame yourself."

Sighing, Jack sat back in the chair. "Look, I know in my head that there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to Carter initially." Snorting, he shook his head. "God knows I've gone over it enough, second and third guessed every decision, to know that." His voice was low, rough.

"You said initially," Tiffany noted softly, hearing the deliberate choice of his words. A wince met her words before he looked away from her. "Something happened later. Something you do blame yourself for," she stated, reading him. Cocking her head, she added, "Lieutenant Faber?"

"Part of it," Jack confessed.

"And the rest?"

Sighing, Jack brought his eyes back towards the doctor. "How much has Carter remembered about afterwards? Between the...," Jack stopped.

"Rape," Tiffany stated it for him.

A tic twitched on Jack's jaw at the word. "And when we got back?" he finished his question.

"Nothing, and I suspect she never will. Did something happen during that time?" The flexing of Jack's jaw gave her the answer. "And you think you could have stopped whatever that was?" A wince and brief nod was her reply. "I see," she said softly. Licking her lips, she pinned him with her gaze. "Did you rape Major Carter?"

"No." The barked denial was immediate, intense. "God, no," Jack breathed, the pain that the concept brought clearly on his face and body. Closing his eyes, the memory of her being pinned below him washed through him.

Watching the almost imperceivable change in his features, she took a stab at interpreting it. "But you came close?"

Jack looked down and shifted before a short nod confirmed her statement.

"What stopped you?"

The quietly asked question brought his gaze back to her. A frown flickered across his forehead as he struggled to find the words to explain. "She deserves better," he finally said, a slight shrug telling her he knew they were inadequate.

Tiffany looked away from pain she saw in his eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I had to ask, to be sure."

A frown crossed Jack's features. He neither wanted nor deserved the comfort she was offering. Before he could say anything else, a knock on the door brought Jack to his feet. "Sir," he said, greeting the General who entered.

"Colonel, Doctor Rogers," George responded, nodding to both. "I'm sorry to interrupt."

Waving if off, Jack gestured towards his chair. "Doc and I were just chatting," Jack threw out lightly ignoring the raised eyebrow from Rogers. "What can we do for you?"

"General, I can leave," Tiffany started only to be stopped by Hammond waving her off.

"You likely need to hear this as much as Jack," George said, a sigh escaping him. Looking up to Jack, he added, "French and Nelson have showed me their recommendations and I've confirmed the findings with the Pentagon."

"Okay," Jack drawled out, easing himself down onto the end of the bed.

A small smile pulled on George's face. "They are not recommending charges in the death of Lieutenant Faber. They have determined these unfortunate circumstances are similar to a friendly fire situation. There will be a notation made in your file of your involvement, but no charges will be brought. You're free to go," he said gently.

Relief and guilt passed through O'Neill. "I see," he said, looking at this hands. A frown creased his forehead as he cleared his throat. "And the other?"

Hammond sobered. "That one," he drawled, "is a little more complicated." George glanced at Rogers trying to decide how much the psychologist knew. Looking back at Jack, he raised an eyebrow in a silent question if Jack really wanted Rogers to stay. He got a small shrug in response.

"While there is no clear evidence of misconduct on the part of Colonel O'Neill or Major Carter, this investigator firmly believes that the spirit of the fraternization rules have been violated on numerous occasions," Hammond stated, his tone indicating he was reciting from the report.

Jack's jaw clenched at the words. "And?"

"It's not unanimous," George replied. "Colonel O'Neill's and Major Carter's relationship reflects the respect, trust and reliance necessary for military personnel being placed in off-world situations. It is this investigator's belief that no preferential treatment or misconduct has resulted from this close working relationship."

Looking at his commander, Jack tried unsuccessfully to read him. "And?" he breathed out again, the word coming with the air.

"They're still working on that one," Hammond said. Pursing his lips, he added, "I've been asked to conduct a review of all missions and of your conduct on and off base," he said.

Nodding, Jack licked his lips. "You won't find anything, sir. I'd never jeopardize Carter's career that way."

"I know," the large man said gently. "Not intentionally anyway."

Nodding slowly at the implied statement the words held, Jack looked away. "What if I retired or asked for a transfer?"

A sigh escaped George. "Right now, at worse, it could be seen as an admission of guilt. At best, as trying to avoid being caught and the innuendo of that would be enough to damage Major Carter's chances for advancement later on."

"Damn it," Jack breathed, getting up to pace across the room and stop.

"I'm sorry Jack," George said, watching the tension flow through Jack's back. "But right now, the best thing you can do is wait it out. You're both on medical leave until further notice anyway. Take some time, work through what's happened. Let me do the review and send up the findings. After that, we'll have to wait and see."

***SG1***SG1***

Pausing to breathe in the fresh air, Jack closed his eyes and let the feeling of the sun on his face calm him. Before the General left, Jack had asked if he could tell Carter, explain what was happening so she would know before she went to Bethesda. Rogers had agreed it would be best for her to be aware so she did not misinterpret O'Neill's minimal contact while she was away.

He had headed to the infirmary only to find that she had asked to go outside. He couldn't blame her. Climbing up the mountain, he had little doubt of where she would be. Stepping into the clearing, he noted that both Teal'c and Daniel had come with her. It was just as well.

"Jack," Daniel called in greeting coming to his feet.

"Daniel, Teal'c," Jack nodded to each before turning his gaze toward Carter. "Major."

"Colonel?" Sam asked tensely, moving closer. While he may no longer be confined to quarters, his use of her honorific and his countenance told her she was not going to like what she was about to hear.

"Seems I'm a free man," Jack blurted out with forced levity. "No charges in connection to Faber," he added quietly.

"That's good," Daniel said, relief evident.

"There's something else," Sam said quietly, her eyes never leaving Jack's face.

Darting a glance at Teal'c and Daniel, Jack licked his lips. "Can you guys give us a minute?" he asked. Seeing their confused acquiescence, Jack moved to the eastern rock ledge knowing that Sam would follow. Sitting down, he felt her ease herself down beside him.

"Sir?"

Sighing, Jack glanced over the countryside. "We're being investigated for breaking the fraternization rule."

"What?" Sam spilled out in disbelief. "We've never..." she gestured not sure even how to classify what they hadn't done.

"I know," Jack responded. "But you and I both know it's about more than sex." Glancing at her, he quickly looked away from the stricken look on her face.

"Is this about something that happened on the mission?" she asked, her voice small, pained.

Jack fought against the instinct to touch her. "Yes and no." Chancing another glance, he added, "The whole zatarc thingie should have landed my ass in Leavenworth. This last mission," Jack shook his head, "it just blew the door to that room to hell and now everyone wants to take a look into it." He voice was quiet, pained.

A flash of sadness passed over Sam. "You would of done the same thing for Daniel or Teal'c."

"Yes, I would have done whatever I needed to keep them alive," Jack agreed. "But I wouldn't have allowed them to extract promises or," he paused, swallowed, "felt the same as I did with you."

"I'm sorry."

Her choked words sliced through his resolve. Shifting, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders drawing her closer. "It's not your fault Carter."

"What's going to happen?"

Squeezing her slightly, he replied, "You're going to go to Bethesda and get better." Fingers tightening on his leg told him that's not what she wanted to know. A sigh escaped him. "They're going to go through our lives with a fine tooth comb, picking at every little sore to see if they can find anything that will bleed and that could be used against us. Against me," he clarified.

"If they find something?"

"I'll be brought up on charges and you'll never see Colonel," he breathed out. Loosening his grip, he added, "We'll be okay. As you said, there are some lines we never crossed."

Sam snorted, turning her face into his neck. "You understand the irony of that statement right now don't you?"

"Hey, I'd snuggle with Teal'c too," Jack said in mock defense. Feeling a chuckle run through her, he tightened his arm to ease his next words. "I'm not going to be able to contact you when your away. I'll only be able to go through proper channels for updates as your commanding officer." The movement of her head told him she understood. "Unofficially, I'll be keeping tabs."

She didn't need to ask how. It was a given. "They've been so good. I'm going to miss them." She tightened her grip on him. "I'm going to miss you."

Jack swallowed at the whispered admission. The fact that her words both thrilled him and pissed him off confirmed again he needed to resign. "That means you'll not miss the legion of your other fans here?" He asked, a forced lightness in his voice.

Pulling back, Sam shook her head slightly as she looked into the distance. "They try," she breathed. "To act like nothing has changed. But," she eyes darted down as she shook her head. "The looks are the worse." The quietly spoken words broke the stillness.

Glancing towards her, Jack raised an eyebrow at the seemingly random statement. "Looks?"

Nodding slowly, Sam swallowed. "The whole sympathy thing. Like I'm fragile. Broken."

"You've got to admit you look beat up right now," Jack replied, his eyes automatically tracing the black and green band around her neck and fingertip bruises on her jawline, both in sharp contrast to the milky paleness of her skin.

"It's more than that," Sam sighed. Looking away, she licked her lips. "They don't think I'll be okay, that I won't get past this. That I won't be able to do my job again. That I'll always be jumpy and scared. That no man will ever want me again or that I'll freak out if some one tries. That every time I walk into a room made of concrete and windows and there's a table in it that I'll break into a cold sweat and freak out. That I won't be able to sleep ever again without hearing and feeling them. That maybe I'm not capable of defending myself or anyone else anymore." The words poured from her once she started.

"They do or you do?" Jack countered gently. Reading the answer in the wide, startled eyes that snapped to him, it took everything in him to not react. Breathing out, he kept his eyes locked on Sam's. "Carter," he began only to be cut off.

"You don't do that. You and Teal'c. Daniel and Janet try," Sam interjected, her voice shaky and raw. "And I need that right now, to know at least someone thinks I can pick up the pieces."

Looking away, Jack watched a pair of birds flitter around each other to hide how much her words were affecting him. Hearing her sniff, he glanced back to see her struggling to not cry. "You'll be okay, Sam," he said gently. Nudging her closer, he rested his head against hers when she settled it on his collarbone and her arms tighten around him. "We'll get through it."

***SG1***SG1***


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Thanks again for all the support on this story. Jack's up for a little more time here. And, alas, must remind you the man can have a mouth. Oh, and there's a reference to the episode Emancipation in this one. No copyright infringement intended.

***SG1***SG1***

Hefting a bag on to his shoulder, Daniel looked over to Sam. "Ready?"

Looking around her quarters, Sam nodded. "You'll check on my house when you get back?"

"Sure," Jackson replied. "If Teal'c and I get pulled onto a mission, I'll have someone stop by." Glancing at the clock, he tipped his head toward the door. "We've got to get moving if we're going to make the transport."

Moving, Sam smiled tightly at him. "Thank you for coming with me. To Bethesda," she clarified.

Shrugging, Daniel walked with her toward the elevator. Slipping his access card back into his pocket, he looked past Sam's shoulder while they waited. His gaze stopped on O'Neill standing down the corridor.

"Thought you'd like the company on the trip," he said, a tight smile on his face. "Doctor Rogers say how long she was going to stay here before she headed back there?"

"Couple days. I'm suppose to start working with one of her assistants tomorrow," she replied, glancing back to see what kept drawing Daniel's attention. A breath hitched in her chest when she saw the Colonel.

"He wanted to go with you," Daniel said softly. "But with everything going on," he trailed off.

"I know," she replied her eyes not leaving Jack. The sound of the elevator arriving registered in her mind as Daniel brushed her arm to tell her it was time to move. Nodding to O'Neill, she caught the slight movement of his hand telling her goodbye.

***SG1***SG1***

"You wanted to see me Sir?"

"Jack. Come in," Hammond called, waving him towards a chair. Waiting until he was settled, he set aside the file he had been reviewing. "I won't keep you long. I know you have a meeting with Doctor Rogers this morning."

Acknowledging the appointment, Jack added, "What can I do for you Sir?"

Letting out a breath, Hammond said, "I need your field notes."

"Sir?"

"For the mission reviews," the General clarified. "I need to compare them to the reports to see if anything of relevance was omitted."

Shifting, Jack looked away. "You realize there's not going to be much on a couple of them, especially this last one."

"I understand," George acknowledged. "Actually it's the missions that didn't go to hell that I've been asked to review the hardest."

A tic flickered in Jack's cheek. "Making you go all out aren't they," he said quietly, dark sarcasm skating the edges of his tone. Knowing that any denial of access to his personal mission notes or delay in turning them over could ultimately be held against Carter, Jack swallowed. Raising his gaze from his hands, he straightened his shoulders. "I'll have them brought to you sir."

***SG1***SG1***

"How did Sam get the cut on her arm?" Rogers asked, watching O'Neill play with a loose thread on the arm of his chair. "I don't remember anything about knives being in play at any time."

Jack shook his head. "No knives," he said softly. Looking away, he swallowed. "We'd been in that room for a couple days. Carter was just starting to settle down. Not jumping at every noise." He glanced at the doctor to see if she was following what he was trying to say.

"Less panicked?" Rogers offered.

"Yeah," Jack replied licking his lips. Clearing his throat, he continued. "A guy brought us some water and something to eat. There was only one of them.. Guess they thought we weren't going to give them any more problems."

"Is that when you escaped?"

Jack shook his head. "Wasn't ready. It had always been at least two others with him before, and Carter..." He stopped what he was going to say, his eyes, darting away from her.

"Sir, anything you say here is confidential." A look of disbelief passing over Jack's features had her adding, "The SGC isn't the only place where more is left out of reports than what is put into them. I'm more likely to document observations, concepts discussed and your emotional well-being than specific details of what you tell me."

A frown crossed Jack's features. "You understand that this," he gestured to indicate the room, the event, "could be used against me?"

"I understand," she said, nodding slowly. Leaning forward, she glanced at her hands before looking up. "Jack," she began to get his attention. "I'm not here to hurt your career or judge your relationship with your second in command. I am here to help you work through what happened to you and Sam. I can't do that unless you trust me," she added gently. Tiffany stayed still as deep brown eyes assessed her. She knew he had made some sort of decision when there was a subtle shift in his breathing.

When he began talking, his voice was low, rough. "The first time I really saw Carter fight hand to hand, it was on some backwater planet after she had been kidnapped and beaten. Some kid had tried to trade her for a girl he was in love with. The girl's dad was some wanna be bad ass who got off hurting women," he explained at Roger's raised eyebrow. "We got her back before he partook in his newest treasure," Jack's voice was derisive, dark, as it mimicked the words from long ago. A slight shudder ran through him before he continued. "She insisted we return to the camp when she learned good old dad was going to stone his daughter to death in punishment." Jack looked away and shook his head at the memory. Clearing his throat, a smile pulled on his lips. "She kicked his ass."

"She can handle herself in other words."

Jack looked back at her. "Oh yeah. Since then, she's gotten even better."

"So you were waiting for her to feel better to try to escape?"

A frown pulled on his features. "Down there," he began again, his eyes taking on a far away glaze, "that wasn't the Carter I know," he said slowly. "There was no fight in her," he added, his voice conveying sorrow.

Nodding, Rogers shifted. "They took it from her," she said softly. When Jack looked at her, a question in his countenance, she explained. "That drug essentially stuck her in a fight or flight mode. She had tried fighting before and that didn't stop what happened. So, in her mind, flight became the only option."

Licking his lips, Jack breathed out. "After the one guy brought us the food, I decided that we were going to be ready just in case they slipped up again. When it was near time for him to come, I made Carter go across the room, away from me." A wince passed across his face.

"She didn't want to help get away?" Roger's asked to keep him going as much as to understand what he was trying to get at.

"She did, but I asked a helluva lot from her to do it." Glancing at her, he continued. "I needed him to come into the room far enough to give me time to confirm no one else was in the hallway and get back to get ahold of him."

"You used Sam to lure him," Tiffany surmised.

"I ordered her to get back on the table." The words came out slow, broken. Roger's sharply drawn in breath confirmed for him how fucked up his actions had been.

When she spoke, her tone was carefully modulated. "The table where she had been tied down and raped."

Jack looked down and confirmed her statement with a small nod, emotional pain etching across his face. "Going to hell for that one alone," he breathed out, regret and resignation in his tone.

"Tied down?"

"No," Jack barked back, a glare snapping up toward the doctor. "God, doc, what kind of monster do you think I am?"

Roger sent a silent apology to the Colonel. Letting a slow breath out, she took a moment to pretend to make a notation on the paper below her hand. The thought of what Sam must have been feeling almost overwhelmed her. Forcing her body to relax into the chair, she used the cold metal to ground herself. Clearing her throat, she continued. "And it worked? He came in. Did he cut her? Is that how she got it?"

"No." The retort was sharp, immediate. "He didn't touch her," Jack stated, his voice firm. "No way in hell that was going to happen. I snapped his neck before he was halfway across the room." The words held no regret. "She cut her arm getting off the table to get away." He paused, swallowing. "Away from me," he breathed.

"Did she say that?" The words were gentle. A sharp shake of his head had her adding, "So that was your interpretation of what she was doing?"

A wince crossed his features, before a hand swept over them. "I guess," he breathed. "I grabbed her and shoved her from the room."

Looking down at her paper, Tiffany licked her lips before she spoke. "Was she scared of you before? When you were in the room for those two days?"

A frown crossed Jack's face.

"Did she cower away from you? Hide? Try to fight you in any way?"

"No," Jack answered, confusion as to the relevance of her questions in his voice. His body felt the residual memory of her pressed into his side for comfort and warmth.

A slight smile pulled on Roger's features. "Colonel, trust me when I tell you that Sam did not, does not," she amended her words, "fear you in anyway."

A frown pulled on Jack's face. Looking down, he shrugged. "If Carter doesn't remember, I guess we'll never know."

"Sir," Tiffany said gently. "Major Carter knew you had to use whatever tactical advantage you could get and she trusted you to not allow anything else to happen to her. Otherwise she would have never gotten on that table again no matter how much you ordered her to do so." She slowly shook her head. "That in of itself is the very definition of not fearing you."

Tiffany was unsure if her words were making any impact until brown eyes darted back to her, a small ember of hope beginning to flicker in their depths.

***SG1***SG1***

"O'Neill."

"Hey Teal'c," Jack greeted the Jaffa before turning back to punch the elevator button again.

"You are returning to your home?" Teal'c inquired, noting the civilian clothes.

"Free at last," Jack quipped, his gaze on his foot as it scuffed on the spotless floor.

Running assessing eyes over the younger man, Teal'c's eyes narrowed at the fatigue and emotions Jack was trying to hide behind a false facade. Making up his mind, he clasped his hands behind his back and turned his gaze toward the closed doors. "I shall accompany you."

The words startled Jack. "Excuse me?"

"I shall accompany you to your home," Teal'c repeated easily.

Jack looked away to hide the irritation passing through him. "That's not necessary," he muttered. "I'm fine."

"You are."

Ignoring the words said, Jack continued. "Look, all I want is to kick back, have a drink, watch a little tv, sleep in my own bed. Is that too much to ask?"

Hearing the annoyance in his friend's voice, the Jaffa glanced at him to determine how much of it was real. "It is not. However, I believe the saying is, it's not all about you, O'Neill." Feeling Jack still at the words, he continued. "I too wish to leave this facility for a time."

"Oh," Jack breathed, his irritation draining from him. He hadn't considered that. It wasn't as if the big guy could leave anytime he wanted. "Er... Yeah, sure." Hearing the ding of the elevator to announce its arrival, he blew out a breath. "Need anything before we go?" He asked lightly, a pinch of fake solicitousness in his tone.

A smile pulled on Teal'c lips at the glimmer of the classic O'Neill mannerism.

***SG1***SG1***

Coming into the command area, Hammond nodded in greeting to Master Sergeant Walter Harriman. "Any word?"

"No Sir," Walter replied solemnly. "SG-3 is now four hours overdue."

Frowning, George looked about the window toward the Stargate. Leave it to the irony of the universe that the two Pentagon officers sent to judge his officers and by extension his operation of the facility to be killed on his watch. "Dial the gate Sergeant. Let's see if they are in radio range."

"Yes, Sir," Walter acknowledged his fingers dancing over the keyboard to dial. After a few moments, he indicated the seventh chevron had locked and a wormhole sprang from the large circle.

"SG-3 this is Hammond. Do your read?" Silence met his call. "SG-3 respond."

"Do... read?" Broken words and a faint voice came came with static. "...Command... Read?"

"I'm at maximum gain, Sir," Harriman said softly, telling the General he could do nothing to improve the connection.

"Colonel Reynolds, what is your status?" Hammond called, leaning closer to the microphone.

"...Attack... Injured... Guarded." The sporadic report had the two men sharing concerned glances.

"SG-3, you are breaking up. Only partial message received. Can you give us your location?" The General pressed.

The lone word "clicks," came through among the static.

"Colonel, repeat," Hammond urged. "Message is breaking up, repeat location." Silence met his request. "Damn it," he breathed after a few minutes. "Shut it down Sergeant.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Had to have my man Teal'c come in again. Hadn't seen much of him lately. :) And hopefully not too cliche to have SG-3's mission go sour. But, two visiting Colonels needed a little hands on education in my opinion! Enjoy.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: As a reminder, all original characters are made up and it is a coincidence if they happen to mirror any real or other fictional character. Also, information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. This one is a little more transitional than most. Need to get folks into a certain emotional place for later. :) Language and situational warnings apply.

***SG1***SG1***

Tipping the beer, Jack emptied it before looking around the bar. Catching site of the waitress, he raised it to indicate he needed another. Casually following the sandy blond woman's progress towards the bar, he watched her being stopped by another patron. A frown crossed his face as he watched her try to maneuver away from the man who was invading her personal space.

Feeling the change in O'Neill's demeanor, Daniel looked over his shoulder to determine what had caught Jack's attention. Glancing back at both men at the table, he casually threw out, "Looks like Becky has her hands full tonight."

A grunt from Jack and an "indeed" from Teal'c met the comment.

"Asshole," Jack commented softly to no one in particular before refocusing his attention back to the food in front of him.

The other two men raised an eyebrow at each other in surprise at the comment. Before either said anything, the beleaguered server appeared at the table.

"Here you go, Jack," she said, setting the beer in front of him and picking up the empty. "You two need anything?"

Glancing at Teal'c, Daniel replied, "We're good. Thanks Becky."

"That guy giving you problems?" Jack asked, gesturing to the other side of the room.

A tight uncomfortable smile passed across her face. "He's what we refer to as a hands on type of customer," she said, forced levity in her tone, a slight shiver of revulsion running through her. "Never sorry to see them call it a night," she added dryly.

Jack raised an eyebrow at her before his gaze drifted back the patron in question. "He come in often?"

"Him?" Becky asked, glancing back. "No. First time I've seen him. Why?" She added curious.

A slight shrug passed through Jack. "Just don't want riff raff coming in a messin' up the quiet," he threw out. "Let us know if you want him gone."

A genuine smile graced her face. "You guys are sweet, but I been doing this for a long time. He's not the first customer to try to get a little too friendly and he unfortunately won't be the last," she said dryly. "I'll be okay. You guys just worry about having a good time. Let me know if you need anything else," she added before moving to the next table.

Sharing a glance at Jack's unusual attention with someone who was not posing them any threat or inconvenience, Daniel read Teal'c's confirmation that his behavior was unusual. Clearing his throat, he tried to divert Jack. "Heard from Sam earlier," he threw out. "Said they have her scheduled for three sessions a day and have started some PT to help her heal."

A loud barrage of laughter and hoots echoed across the room drew the men's attention toward the table where the guy Jack had deemed to be an asshole sat. Watching, they saw the others at the table obviously razzing the guy as Becky moved quickly away.

A frown flickered again across Jack's features as the group turned collectively and watched her leave, nudging and gesturing to each other. A memory of another group taunting and making crude sexual comments to a blond haired woman passed through his mind. The image made him shift in his chair, his fingers curling into the palm of his hand.

"Jack?" Wide brown eyes darted toward the speaker. "You okay?" Daniel added, unsure of what he was reading in the older man's face.

"Yeah," Jack said, his voice rough and echoing forced lightness. "Bathroom," he grunted out, quickly gaining his feet and moving away.

Pushing in the door, Jack glanced around to confirm he was the only one in the small bathroom. Letting out a breath he leaned on the sink, hoping the coolness of the porcelain through his palms would give him something else to focus on rather than the memories tumbling through his mind.

Images of Sam tied down, the sounds of the men's taunts, her screams, cries.

"Shit," Jack bit out, jerking on the faucet knobs to splash water on his face. Snatching a paper towel from the dispenser, he blotted the water from his face, ignoring the spots darkening the front of his shirt that looked way too much like blood splatters.

The sound of a nearby door opening reminded him that someone could walk in at anytime and had him steeling his features, the paper towel now being used to dry his hands. Opening the door of the men's room, the site on the other side had him moving without thought or concern of the consequence.

Yanking the man holding Becky against the wall, he drove him to another wall and pressed his forearm across the guy's throat. Calls of 'JACK, NO! O'NEILL!' Permeated the fog in his head and had his eyes snapping toward the speakers. Feeling Teal'c pulling on his arms and seeing Daniel's concerned face, awareness came back to Jack. Realizing the man being pressed against the wall was coughing, he pulled his arm from his throat and took several steps back.

"Son of a bitch," he breathed out, the potential consequences of his actions hitting him.

"Shit man," the unknown man sputtered. "If she was yours all you had to do was say so," he rasped out between coughs, rubbing his throat.

His words irked Jack. " _She_ ," he stressed, "is not anyone's possession asshole," starting to move closer only to encounter Daniel and feel Teal'c tighten his grip.

Making sure Teal'c had him, Daniel turned. Glancing at the crowd they were drawing, he held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Look, how about we pick up the tab for you and your friends', we call this a misunderstanding, and we all go home?" Seeing hesitation, he pressed, "Otherwise, the cops get called, we all spend a lot of time getting hauled to the precinct to explain things, you get arrested, and he goes free for defending the lady," Daniel trailed off hoping it worked.

Getting a jerky nod, the guy stumbled to the outer room, grabbed his jacket and said something to cause the rest of the group to follow. Refocusing his gaze, he watched as the bystanders moved away before turning back. "Becky? You okay?" He asked softly nodding to the woman standing in shock behind Jack and Teal'c.

Slowly, she nodded, not sure what to say or do. It had all happened so fast. One moment she had been coming out of the bathroom, the next she had been slammed into the wall, a man groping her and shoving his tongue into her mouth, and then he was suddenly being yanked away.

"Do you want to press charges against him?" Jack asked turning to the woman. "Guess we should have asked that before we let him go."

"If I do," she swallowed, "will you get in trouble for helping me?"

"Not from the cops," Daniel said, glancing at the others before looking back at her.

Reading the silent shifting of the men that told her there may be other consequences, she made up her mind. "No," she breathed out.

A silent nod met her reply.

Clearing her throat, she gestured to the bar room. "I, uh, need to get back," she said moving away.

Daniel turned his gaze to Jack but waited until she was gone before he spoke. "You've got to stop this," he said roughly.

Jack snapped his gaze away from his friend before turning back, his gaze hard and challenging. "You tell me, Daniel, how the hell to do that; how to take all this shit out of my head. How to stop the images, sounds," Jack stopped and closed his eyes, swallowing hard. Forcing them back open, he pinned the younger man. "You tell me how and I'll be more than happy to stop killing people." Yanking free of Teal'c, he pushed his way past Daniel.

***SG1***SG1***

"Aren't you suppose to be someplace else?"

Doctor Rogers smiled at the question. They both knew she was heading back to Bethesda. "Daniel called me. He's concerned."

"Ah," Jack nodded, gesturing for her to come in. "Have a seat," he offered, waiting until she sat before lowering himself into a chair. "Going commercial?"

"Military transport," she offered in response, knowing he would understand the implicit noise and discomfort that came with flying in a large cargo plane.

"Nothing but the best," Jack drawled out, leaning back, biding time.

Running eyes over him, Tiffany noted that the bruises were healing and his ribs were evidently not causing him many problems. Trailing her eyes back to his face, she saw it gave nothing away. A small smile settled on her lips. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Jack replied quickly. "Healing," he added raising his hands. "Ready to go back to work."

Acknowledging his statement, she said, "So tell me about last night."

"What? The bar?" Jack waved his hand to dismiss it. "Came out of the bathroom, saw a guy being a jerk, pulled him off." A slight shrug told her end of story.

"I know that part," she chided gently. "You did what anyone would do in that situation. I'm talking about before that happened. Daniel said you went chalk white and hissed out Sam's name."

A little bit of surprise shifted across his face. "Did I? Don't remember doing that." He shook his head. "When?"

"Before you went to the bathroom."

"Ah," he said, running fingers over the edge of the chair.

Waiting, she watched him. After a time she nudged him. "Flashback?" Seeing a slight movement of his hand in acknowledgment that she was correct, she nodded. "You know it's not unusual for that to happen."

A tight smile was turned towards her. "Heard it before. Got the certificate of completion."

"I know." The simple words were spoken softly. "And you did the right thing to deal with it. You moved out of the situation, took a break, grounded yourself."

"So what's the problem then? Why the visit?" Jack pressed, tilting his head at her.

Looking down, she raised her eyes back at him. "Do you think what you did was wrong?" Seeing a crease of confusion on his forehead, she added, "On the planet."

"Wrong?" Jack snorted. "Getting all morally philosophical on me, Doc?"

A tight smile pulled on her face at his attempt to divert her. "Exactly. Answer the question please."

Jack shifted in his chair and looked out the window. Licking his lips, he looked back at her. "Going to hell for doing a lot of things in my life, Doc. That just added to the reasons."

"For defending her or how you did it?"

"Does it matter?" Jack asked dryly.

"Actually, yes it does," Rogers pressed.

He shrugged. "Can't stand to see a bully win," he threw out. Seeing the seriousness on her face, he sobered. "I have a duty to cover their sixes and I'll do whatever I have to do to get them home," he said without hesitation.

"Even if that means killing someone else?"

Drawing in a breath and holding it to bide his time, he puffed it out. "Yes, though I prefer to avoid it if possible," he finally said.

Nodding, Tiffany let out a breath. That's what she was looking for. "And you know you can do that?" Rogers asked. "You understand that while you have killed, you don't do it indiscriminately? That it doesn't define who you are?"

Confusion at her questions passed across his face. "Pretty fine line there, Doc."

Nodding slowly, she locked eyes with him. "But an important one."

***SG1***SG1***

Nodding in thanks to the nurse who escorted her to the meeting room, Sam paused as the door closed behind her and assessed the room, her breath becoming shallower and picking up. Couches and chairs were in an informal circle on one side. On the other, several individuals milled around, some talking softly, while others appeared as nervous as she felt.

The door opening behind her urged her to take a few more steps in, spinning to glance warily at the man and woman entering. Recognition that they were the counselors she had met early did little to stop the butterflies that were dancing in her stomach.

"Major," the man said softly, stopping several steps from her. "Ready for your first group?" He asked, running his eyes over her pallid face.

A jerky nod answered him.

"Good," he smiled, taking a few more steps into the room, calls of 'hey Matt' greeting him.

Sam's eyes drifted back toward the woman who seemed to be holding her ground between Sam and the door.

"You're safe here Sam," the woman said, watching Sam assess her. Noticing that Sam's eyes kept darting between her and the door behind her, she took a step back and turned the knob. "It's not locked. If you need to leave at anytime, just tell me or Matt," she said, leaving it partially open and moving away from it before saying with a touch of humor in her tone, "And trust me, Major. My hand to hand capabilities wouldn't last more than two seconds against you."

Moving closer to the sitting area to give Sam more space, Nikki turned so she could greet the other room occupants but still watch Sam. Noting that her hands had begun to relax, she raised her voice slightly. "If everyone can take a seat, we can get started."

Settling into a chair, Nikki smiled as Sam positioned herself where she could keep on eye on the door. When Sam looked her way, she nodded encouragingly before glancing at the four women and three men who would be participating. "Okay, let's take a little bit to get to know each other and talk what's going to happen over the next several sessions, shall we?"

***SG1***SG1***

"Gentlemen, three days ago, SG-3, accompanied by Colonels Nelson and French from the Pentagon, left for a routine reconnaissance mission on P4X-774. When they missed their check in yesterday, we attempted to contact them. This is what we found out," Hammond said, nodding to the airman at the nearby computer to replay the recording of the radio contact.

"Nothing since then, Sir?" Major Altman asked, concern evident in his features.

Shaking his head, Hammond pursed his lips. "We sent an aerial reconnaissance plane through but all it could tell us before it was shot down was that the gate was being guarded by at least six Jaffa."

"So we have no way of knowing how many more may be on the planet or where SG-3 might be."

"None. Our only chance is if we can secure the gate and send another UAV through and hope we'll be able to contact them on the radio or find some indication they are alive. I won't authorize a rescue mission unless I know there is someone to rescue," Hammond said solemnly. "Your mission is to secure the gate so we can determine that. Once you know if a rescue mission is warranted, I'll send through more teams to assist. If you don't make contact within three hours or or at any time you don't believe you can safely hold the gate, I want you back here."

"I understand," Altman responded, glancing at his team to ensure they were clear. "We'll find them, Sir."

"I hope so, son," he said softly, nodding to each in gratitude. "SG-5, you leave in an hour. Dismissed."

***SG1***SG1***


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Greetings friends. Want to take a moment to give a shout out to the "Guest" reviewers. Thank you for taking the time to give me your feedback.

Information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. Summary for you as it's going to get a little busy here: SG-3 -Marine combat/search and rescue, led by Colonel Reynolds; SG-5 - Marine combat, led by Major Altman; SG-6 search and rescue, led by Colonel Barnes; SG12 Medical/military, no identified members on site (I'll name the leader I'm sure at some point :)).

***SG1***SG1***

Rapping his knuckle on the door softly, Jack waited until the General acknowledge him. "Sir, you wanted to see me?" he asked, coming into the room.

"Colonel," Hammond greeted, gesturing toward the chair. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Jack quipped automatically. "Starting to go a little bug eyed writing personnel evaluations, but other than that I'm fine." Watching as the older man attempted to smile and nod, Jack sobered. "Any word from SG-5?"

"They're close to the three hour deadline," Hammond said his eyes going to the clock on the wall. "We'll know soon." The sound of the sirens indicating an incoming wormhole had both men on their feet and moving.

"Sergeant?" Hammond called before his feet had hit the last step.

"It's SG-5, Sir," Walter reported, already transferring the connection so that Hammond could speak to them.

"SG-5, this is Hammond. Major Altman, report."

"Sir, we found them. UAV finally got close enough. They're pinned down approximately twelve clicks, south, southwest of the gate. Some injuries, mostly minor, except for Colonel Nelson. He took a staff blast."

"Roger. Are you secure Major?"

"Yes Sir."

"Roger," Hammond replied, his eyes darting to Jack with a renewed determination to bring home his men. "Reinforcements are on their way Major. Sit tight."

"Yes, Sir. We'll keep the door open. Altman out."

"Sergeant, I want SGs six and twelve geared up and ready in thirty minutes."

"Sir, request permission for SG-1 to lead."

Surprise flashed across George's face. "Colonel," he began only to be interrupted.

"Sir," Jack said softly, tipping his head toward an unoccupied corner to ask if they could speak in private. Following the older man, he barely waited for the General to face him before he started. "I'm fine," Jack said softly, to keep others from hearing. "We'll go, take a little walk, meet up with the others, and all be back for supper."

"Jack..." George pushed back only to be cut off.

"Sir," Jack started, his gaze piercing into the older man's eyes. "Look, we both know that there's going to be hell to pay if those two get killed." He didn't have to say Nelson and French's names. "And we both know if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be here. Let me help clean this up."

Watching him, Hammond weighed the passionate words. "This isn't your fault Jack," he said. "I ordered them to go to the planet, not you."

"Please General." Glancing away, he looked down before looking back. "I need to do this."

The raw frankness of Jack's words made Hammond's eyes widen in surprise. A sense of uneasiness washed over him. "To do what?" he pushed. "Get yourself killed?"

Surprise flickered over Jack's face. "No. No Sir," he rushed back. Letting out a breath, he forced his body to relax. "I understand why you might be wondering that," Jack said, "but I have no intention of dying today." A small smile pulled on his lips. "That wouldn't look very good for you either, Sir."

Looking into Jack's eyes, Hammond nodded once at him when he saw the truth of the words in his eyes. "Then why?" he grunted out.

"Let's just say I need to get something like this under my belt before Carter gets back," he said, his voice gravely, his features somber.

A slow nod of understanding met the words. A critical mission with high potential for casualties or capture without the added stress of worrying about how she might react or deal with his own emotions of her being at risk. "You know you aren't cleared yet."

"Fraiser will clear me if you say you need me."

The simply truth of that statement stabbed at George's soul. "And what about how you'll react, Jack? You went through hell on that last mission too. Have you thought about that?"

Jack glanced away and back to buy time. A slight lift of one shoulder told George he had thought about it and was not sure what could happen. "You can order Barnes to take command if it becomes a problem."

"By who's definition of a problem?" George pressed dryly, pondering the potential power struggle that could result from the other Colonel trying to assume command if Jack did not agree it was time.

Jack's shoulders dropped understanding the scenario being contemplated. "Teal'c's," he finally said, locking eyes with his commander. "If Teal'c thinks I'm losing it, I'll turn over command."

Pursing his lips, the General weighed the proposal. "And I have your word that if that happens, you'll follow Barnes' orders to the letter, without question?"

A wince creased Jack's face at the idea. Knowing he really had no choice if he was going to be allowed on the mission, he squared his shoulders. "Yes, Sir."

***SG1***SG1***

"You're sure you're up for this?" Daniel asked, standing behind Jack as he tied his boot laces.

"Hammond's signed off on it." Standing, he reached for his vest and shrugged it on.

"And Janet? Doctor Rogers?"

Stopping his movement, Jack turned around to look at this friend, a frown on his face. "Daniel?"

Looking away, the younger man tried to find the way to say what he needed to without making Jack angry. Giving up, he decided to be direct. "I think it's too soon," he finally said, looking back at him. "You're not ready."

"Because?" The word held curiosity and a slight demand for an explanation.

"Because you still blame yourself for what happened." Daniel knew there was truth in his assessment when Jack's motion stopped.

"I wasn't the one who hurt SG-10 or raped Carter," he replied, his voice gruff, his fingers finding the zipper on his vest to connect it.

"And you didn't stop it either." Wincing at how the words sounded, Daniel softened his voice. "I don't blame you, Jack. I just think you need more time to realize you did everything you could and that you don't have anything to prove here."

Jack snapped into motion, gathering his gloves and hat from the shelf. "I'll be fine." Looking past Daniel to see that Teal'c was fully geared, he tipped his chin up. "Let's go."

Waiting until Jack brushed past him and left the room, Daniel turned slowly toward his remaining teammate. "Teal'c?"

"General Hammond has instructed I pay close attention to O'Neill and if I believe he is, as you say, loosing it, to bring him immediately back," the Jaffa intoned solemnly.

"He'll fight you." The words were flat.

"He shall loose," Teal'c replied.

***SG1***SG1***

"Sam, I can't talk right now." Daniel winced as he ducked his head to try to hear her on the telephone over the clatter in the control room around him. "Heading out," he added, glancing back and seeing Jack's gesture for him to come on. "Hopefully be back tonight, but it could be tomorrow," he said, in response to her question of how long. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," she said, her voice a little too rushed to be telling the whole truth. "It's okay. I'll call... Eh... Do you know if the Colonel is at home?"

A pause met her question before Daniel responded. "Jack's going with us."

"Oh," Sam breathed into the phone, shock making it hard for her to form coherent thoughts. "Okay," she finally stuttered out. "Be safe. Call me when you get back?" Hearing him agree before signing off, she looked at the cell phone in her hand, a frown on her face. She had heard enough of the background noise to know that something big was happening. The knowledge that Jack was going off world when he was on medical leave confirmed it.

Putting the phone on the nightstand beside her bed, she wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her head against the wall behind her. Looking up at the clock, she began to wait.

***SG1***SG1***

"Major," Jack said nodding to Altman as he came down the steps off the Stargate base. Scanning the surrounding area, he acknowledged the other three members of SG-5 with nods as he heard the others come through and the gate shut down.

"Colonel." The surprise was evident in the reply of the SG-5 leader's voice. Shaking it off, Major Altman added, "Gate secured. Haven't seen any Jaffa for more than two hours, Sir."

Nodding, Jack gestured toward the two members of SG-6 carrying a transport box. "Brought you some claymores, grenades and ammo. Keep it that way."

"Yes, Sir."

"If we're not back or you haven't heard from us by dawn tomorrow, head back to the SGC." Seeing the hesitant nod of agreement, Jack raised his voice. "SG-6, two of you stay here with Five. The other two, watch our sixes. Let's move," Jack called out.

***SG1***SG1***

Entering the room, Doctor Rogers ran assessing eyes over the woman curled up on the bed. The report of her withdrawal and refusal to eat lunch or attend the afternoon session had her concerned. Pulling a chair over, she eased into it. "Major Carter," she said in greeting.

"Sam," came back in a low reply.

A crease pulled on Tiffany's forehead. "Sam," she conceded momentarily. "How'd your group go this morning?"

"Fine." Another muffled short reply.

"Ah. Feelings internalized not expressed. Got it," Rogers replied, her voice carrying a forced lightness.

Blue curious eyes finally met her's. "What?"

"Fine. An acronym for feelings internalized not expressed," Tiffany repeated. A snort met her words. Watching as Sam laid her head back down, she added. "Want to share some of those feelings now?"

"Did you clear him?"

It was Tiffany's turn to be confused. "I'm sorry? Clear who?"

"Colonel O'Neill."

A flicker of uneasiness passed through the doctor. "Why do you ask?"

Sighing, Sam unfurled and sat up. "I called Daniel. He was heading out on a mission. The Colonel was going with him."

Forcing her features to not give anything away, Tiffany nodded. "I see. And you think this means?"

A frown crossed Sam's brow. "Either something really bad is going on," her eyes flickering toward the doctor to see if she picked up the potential world domination or destruction meaning of her inflection, "or..."

"Or?" The doctor prodded when the silence hung a little too long.

"Or," Sam repeated, her eyes falling closed. "Or, I don't know what it means," she finished flatly, revealing the words were not the entire truth.

"But you have a guess."

Another snort answered her. "Several," Sam finally conceded.

"And at least some of them involve you no longer being able to be a soldier." An uncomfortable shift met Roger's words and told her she was close. "And I'm betting the others are that either he doesn't care or you're more messed up than you thought if he can shrug everything off this fast."

Sam ran a hand through her hair to buy time. "Some in varying combinations of all of the above," she confessed, her voice raw.

A throaty sound answered the Major. "Two soldiers on patrol. One steps on a land mine. The other is thrown several feet and is hit with shrapnel. Both survive. Who goes back to work sooner?"

A dismissive wave accompanied the words, "It's not the same."

"Yes, it is, Sam," Tiffany leaned forward and rested her arms on her legs. "You stepped on an emotional landmine and Colonel O'Neill received secondary injuries. In many ways, he stepped on his own landmine and you have secondary injuries from that," she murmured. Shaking off the thought, she took a breath. "The point is that both of you were impacted and both are and will continue to be affected. The injuries may not be visible but they are there. For both of you."

A visible swallow passed down Sam's throat. "Then how can he...?"

"Go on a mission?" Tiffany finished for her, her eyes drifting to the window in thought. "Lots of factors go into determining how any person will react to a traumatic event and how they will cope with it. Experience, initial reaction by others, knowledge, support system, beliefs, the work they do, age, how they were raised," she let out a breath. "I could go on. The point is that there is no wrong or right way to do it."

Looking back, she saw bright blue eyes watching her intently. "What I'm trying to say here is that there is no magic pill. The Colonel is using everything he knows, every tool he has learned in the past to get through this just like you are. Only difference is that he may have different tools than you."

"Iraq, Charlie," Sam breathed out, dipping her head to lay her forehead on her knees.

"It's possible," Tiffany confirmed. "I don't think he's trying to give you any message Sam, except maybe to show you that it is possible to go on."

Sam lifted her head enough to rest her chin on her knees. "And if I can't recover from this; make things like the way they were?"

A sad ironic smile pulled on Tiffany's lips. "That's not going to happen." Sam's head jerking up in shock had her shaking her own head slowly in confirmation. "I'm not saying you can't do things you did in the past. I'm saying you," she stressed the word, "can't go back to the way you were any more than a bell can be un-rung. This is like any other physical injury," her chin gesturing to the cut on Sam's arm. "It'll heal, but there will be some residual damage. You have to understand and accept that."

Seeing Sam's distress, she reached up and squeezed her arm, her voice encouraging. "You can't go back, but you can move forward. Recovering from a traumatic event is a journey, not a destination and you are," she stressed the word, "on that journey, Sam. Every time you talk about it, every time you fight off the feeling of drowning in a memory, you are recovering. Every time you take a chance to take one more step forward, to face one more doubt or fear, to continue to accept what has had happened and to keep on living, you are recovering."

"Will I always feel like this?" Sam asked, a tear trailing slowly down her cheek.

Tiffany shook her head and smiled encouragingly. "No, not like you are now. There will be days the pain will be so excruciating you'd give anything to cut it out of you. Then, they'll be days it won't even cross your mind. Most days, it'll be somewhere in between; a slight distant ache but one you do not allow to dominate or dictate your actions or thoughts."

Letting the words swirl in her mind, Sam weighed them against everything else she knew or had seen. Drawing in a shuddered breath to calm herself, she let it out as she wiped her hands over her cheeks to remove the wetness. "Okay," she breathed out, feeling a peace that she had not felt in weeks begin to seep into her. "I can do that."

***SG1***SG1***

AN: This chapter is pretty important in both Jack and Sam's recovery. May not seem like it at first, but trust me, it is. To everyone who is on this journey, I send you hugs and my deepest respect.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Enjoy. A little more action than we've had lately.

Reminder: Information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. Used as many identified team members as possible. Reference as we a few involved here: SG-3 -Marine combat/search and rescue, led by Colonel Reynolds; SG-5 - Marine combat, led by Major Altman; SG-6 search and rescue, led by Colonel Barnes (and I named one team member); SG12 Medical/military, no identified members on site - I named leader as Captain Mumar.

***SG1***SG1***

Wincing at the site of the ragged, weeping wound, Colonel Tom French pressed a fresh dressing on Nelson's leg before wrapping the tails around his thigh. "Not exactly what we planned to be doing today, eh?" he retorted, glancing up at the pale, sweaty, grimacing face of his coworker.

"No," Al Nelson ground out between clenched teeth. "I was suppose to be kicking your butt on the twelfth hole by now." The words were panted out between breaths. "Damn that hurts."

"I bet," French murmured, tying off the bandage. Reaching into his vest, he pulled a packet of pills. "Last one," he said gravely, holding it up for Nelson to see. "Now or later?"

Grimacing again, Nelson shook his head. "Better wait in case we have to move again."

Nodding, French slipped the package back into his vest before slumping down near Nelson. Glancing around, he noted the two members of SG-3 on watch and the other two trying to find some rest. They had been playing a cat and mouse game with some Jaffa for more than two days now. He had been carrying more and more of Nelson's weight each time they had to move and it felt good to let his muscles relax a little. Sighing, he rested his head against the tree both of them were leaning against and glanced around. "Reminds me a national park down in West Virginia."

A snort met the words. "Two hundred plus pound aliens shoot at you there too?"

A low chuckle rumbled in the air. "No," Tom breathed out. "Nothing like that." Silence descended again for a few minutes until he spoke again. "Think Hammond will send someone for us?" He felt Nelson's shoulder shift in a shrug.

"Hard to say. No guarantee they can keep control of the gate. May be too risky." Closing his eyes for a moment, Al cleared his throat. "Look, if you guys get a chance to get out of here, take it. Don't worry about me. I'll just slow you down."

"That's not how the SGC operates," Colonel Reynolds replied, dropping to his knee next to the other two Colonels. "No one gets left behind." Cocking his head, he lightened his voice. "Or did you miss that part when you did all that reading back there in DC?"

"Ha, ha," Nelson countered, a wave of pain making him grimace. The Marine had been teasing him for days about being a paper pusher to take his mind off of the pain and circumstances. "What's our situation?"

"Think we lost them for now at least. Low on ammo, food, water," Reynolds said lowly. Glancing around, he added, "Getting dark again."

Raising a shaky hand, he pulled the cartridge from his P-90. "Here," Al said. "Tired of it poking me in the ribs."

Reynolds eyes narrowed as he locked eyes with the other Colonel. "Not just words," he said solemnly, reading the latent acceptance of the fact he would likely not leave the planet alive in Nelson's eyes. Laying his hand on Nelson's arm, he tightened his grip. "Just hang on."

***SG1***SG1***

"O'Neill."

The hushed call caused Jack to gesture for everyone to drop down, his eyes automatically searching the area. Staying low, he moved up to the point. "Whatcha got?" he asked, kneeling next to the Jaffa.

"Patrol," the big man breathed, drawing Jack's attention to the four Jaffa warriors in the distance. "Also, SG-3 has been through here," Teal'c added, pointing to the distinctive boot print in the dirt.

"Hopefully that means we're close," Jack murmured, glancing back to gesture for Colonel Barnes to join him. When he arrived, Jack jutted his chin toward the nearby Jaffa. "Think you and Jenkins can quietly take care of our friends there?"

"Not a problem," Barnes said confidently.

"Good. We're going to take twelve and see if we find Reynolds before we loose all light," Jack whispered, pointing out the indentation in the deepening shadows. "Catch up as quick as you can."

"Yes, sir," Barnes replied, agreeing with the split. Gesturing for Jenkins to come up, he relayed their orders before the pair slipped soundlessly into the trees.

Retreating back to the others, Jack rested on one knee next to Daniel. "Found some tracks. We're going to follow them while Barnes takes care of a few nosy neighbors."

***SG1***SG1***

Peering into the darkness surrounding him, French let his other senses become his dominant source of information. The random thought that he was too old for this type of work trickled through his mind immediately followed by a mental snort. O'Neill was two years older than he was and he did it everyday.

He felt he understood O'Neill a little bit better after this. He had watched the interactions of SG-3 and noticed the bond the team had grown. They acted as a unit; relied on each other; trusted each other. He had expected that. He had been part of units in combat situations before and he knew that if the team didn't work well, they all would have been dead long before now.

What he hadn't expected was the depth of it or the easy way he had found himself becoming a part of it. There was an inherent difference from his other combat experience that he couldn't quite explain yet.

A snap of a nearby branch sent a tingle down his spine. Adjusting his grip on the gun, he swung toward it, listening for more. The hushed sound of his name was the last thing he expected.

"O'Neill?" Tom hissed back, his gun lowering a bit.

"Coming in," Jack said back, separating his body from a nearby tree to become visible. Stopping near French, Jack sensed more than saw the remainder of his team appear around them. "You okay?"

"Yeah," French breathed out, a flood of relief pouring through him. "Can't say I expected to see you out here though."

"Got bored. Where's the others?"

Tipping his head to the side, he said, "That way."

"Any unfriendlies around?"

"Been paying tag with a group; down to four. Haven't seen 'em for about six hours."

"SG-6 took care of one bunch," Jack said. "Maybe your friends." Reaching up to his radio, O'Neill pressed the button. "Sierra Gulf One Niner to Sierra Gulf Three Niner. Come in."

"Seirra Gulf One Niner, this is Sierra Gulf Three Niner. Sir, you're music to my ears. How far out are you?"

A smirk pulled on Jack's face. "We're with French. Be there shortly. O'Neill out."

Leading O'Neill into the camp, French pointed towards Nelson. A murmured, 'he's bad,' had the medics on SG-12 scampering to him. As they kneeled beside the injured man, French's attention was drawn to the sight of Reynolds striding in from his patrol on the other side of the camp and snapping a perfect salute to the rescuers.

"Knock it off," O'Neill growled, his hand extended to shake Reynold's hand. Releasing it, he pulled several clips from his vest and held them out. "Everyone okay?" he asked, also pulling a canteen from his back and handing over.

"Yes, Sir. Besides Nelson, nothing a recliner, a six pack and some pizza wouldn't fix," the beleaguered officer said before taking a drink.

Turning, French noted the other personnel were doing similar tasks. A pat on the shoulder, supplies handed over, a chuckle from some comment; relief palatable in the air. Accepting a canteen, rations and ammo from Daniel, he nodded his thanks.

"Five's holding the gate," Jack said, moving with Reynolds toward the medics and injured officer. "He good to go?"

Pulling back the applicator from the cannula, Captain Mumar connected two bags of saline. "Need a few more minutes, Sir." Making sure it was running freely, he grabbed two ampules of medications. Snapping needles on each, he pushed them into the IV. Stuffing the waste back into his bag, he nodded to the man on the other side dressing his leg before he snapped off the shielded light he had been using and stood, tipping his head to indicate they should move away. Taking a couple steps, he turned to the colonels following him. "He's bad. His leg's infected, he has a fever and lost quite a bit of blood. I'm bolusing him to see if we play some catchup," Mumar murmured. "I've given him something for the pain and started antibiotics but he really needs to get back ASAP."

"Odds?" Jack asked, a frown creasing his forehead. A wince and slight head shake from the Captain told him they weren't good. "Do what you can. He ready to travel?"

"Yes, Sir, as soon as we get him on the stretcher."

Looking around, Jack moved off toward the others, his arm telling them to come closer. "Listen up," he called out, his voice low but carrying to those that gathered around him. "I know it's not ideal but we're heading out in five. We'll rotate the stretcher every fifteen minutes. We don't know how many more Jaffa may be around so be as quiet as possible. Ground is fairly clear but there are some roots sticking up in places so watch your step."

Murmured 'yes sirs' pierced the air.

***SG1***SG1***

"No word, Sir?" Janet asked, handing over a file to the General.

"None from Colonel O'Neill. SG-5 reports they are still secure. Jack ordered them to return home at dawn if they don't hear anything by then," Hammond shared, his eyes unconsciously trailing up to the clock on the wall noting it was already 0100. At least another six hours before dawn on the planet. Averting his gaze, his eyebrow rose at the doctor. "A little past your shift, isn't it?"

A tight smile crossed Janet's face. "I think for both of us, Sir. Just didn't feel right leaving," she added in explanation, a slight shrug of her shoulders telling him she really didn't have a good reason.

"I understand," the General sighed, leaning back his eyes falling on the various files strewn across his desk. A second sigh escaped him.

"Sir?"

Janet's concerned voice drifted softly over him. George raised trouble eyes back to her. "I don't know what's worse; waiting for teams to come back, knowing you're helpless to do anything to help them do that, or being expected to find something to incriminate two of the finest people you have had the privilege of knowing," he said, his hand gesturing to the papers before him.

Glancing down, Janet scanned the desk. "SG-1's missions," she said, sinking into the chair beside her. "You're investigating Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?" she asked, her tone one of confusion, her mind trying to link the current activity to recent events.

A slow nod met her words.

"To find out if they've what, acted inappropriately on a mission?" Janet pushed, alarmed.

"Not just missions," George added darkly. "Medical records, computer and surveillance security logs, telephone bills, credit cards, deed records, neighbor interviews," he said, tossing the files across the desk with each name. "I've been asked to do some damn distasteful things in my career, but this," he trailed off shaking his head. Sighing again, he leaned back again and closed his eyes. After a moment, a snort of derision escaped his nose. "Jack is right," he said, opening his eyes and meeting the gaze of the worried physician. "It is time to retire."

***SG1***SG1***

"Do you want something to help you sleep?"

Glancing over her shoulder at the nurse outlined by the light spilling into the dark room from the hallway, Sam shook her head. "I'm fine," she murmured, turning her gaze back to the window. Hearing the soft sound of the door closing, Sam glanced down at the cell phone gripped in her hand, wishing it would ring to tell her something. Its continued silence brought a sigh from her before she focused once again on the cars moving outside her window.

***SG1***SG1***

AN: It's a long night for everyone I'm afraid. sigh


	21. Chapter 21

AN: I know I owe some acknowledgments from the last reviews. Will get those out, but it may not be today. I appreciate each and every one your comments. There are vague references to multiple episodes in this one, I'll let you fill in the blanks for most of them. I will however specifically call out "There But For the Grace of God," "Point of View" and "The Ripple Effect." No copyright violation intended. This will become clearer later.

Reminder: Information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. Used as many identified team members as possible. Summary for you: SG-3 -Marine combat/search and rescue, led by Colonel Reynolds; SG-5 - Marine combat, led by Major Altman; SG-6 search and rescue, led by Colonel Barnes; SG12 Medical/military, no identified members on site - I named leader as Captain Mumar.

***SG1***SG1***

Peering into the early morning dusky light, Jack felt a rush of fatigue pass through his body. Looking around, he knew he was not the only one. Between the darkness and stopping every fifteen minutes to check on Nelson and switch litter carriers, it had been slow going. They were still at least three clicks out from the gate. Allowing water to trickle down his throat, he focused on the feel of the water coating and soothing the dry parched skin. Looking across the small clearing, he could make out the shape of someone holding the canteen to Nelson's lips encouraging him to take a sip.

The image snapped his mind to a room far away and his own attempt to get Sam to take a drink and eat a little bit.

 _"Carter," he nudged, his tone low. "Come on, you need to eat something." A shaking of her head against his chin told him she wasn't interested. "Hey," he called, trying to get her to move away from him so he could see her better. "Need to keep your strength up so you're ready when we get out of here," he added, noting she didn't voluntarily move away at him._

 _"Doesn't matter," she mumbled against his chest. "Please don't let me go."_

 _A frown creased his forehead at the desperate tinge in her voice. "Carter?"_

"Sierra Gulf One Niner, this is Sierra Gulf Five Niner."

The radio call snapped Jack back to the present. "Sierra Gulf Five Niner, what's your situation?"

"They're coming at us from both sides, Sir. At least twenty on the planet, more trying to come through." The words were punctuated by the sounds of gun fire in the back ground.

"Roger, we're on our way. Hold on," Jack snapped back, gaining his feet. "Captain, you and your team bring Nelson. The rest of you move it," he ordered, starting to run almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

Running, Jack felt the impact of each step in his feet, vibrating up his legs. Around him he heard the shuffling of the underbrush as the others followed him.

Nearing the gate, he heard the battle before he saw it. The acrid smell of gunpowder and plasma bursts punctuated the early dawn air. Dropping to his knees, he scanned the area. "Reynolds, take your team and try to flank them. Barnes, we've got the gate." Men drifted quietly into the night even before Jack had finished. "Sierra Gulf Five, you've got friendlies coming in and around. Watch your cross fire." Glancing back, he nodded at the remaining men.

Darting to a closer position, Jack began firing at the Jaffa coming through. Instinctively he flinched at the blast of mortar going off nearby throwing debris at him. "Move up!"

Starting forward, time seemed to slow to a crawl as he spotted the Jaffa firing in front of him. Watching the fire ball leave the weapon, he heard the cry of pain ring out near him. Turning, he scrambled to reach Daniel, firing his gun as he went toward the Jaffa.

"DANIEL!" he yelled, dropping beside him, tearing his eyes from the battle to look down at him. The smell of charred flesh and blood assaulted his senses. Reaching down, he desperately felt for a pulse, a rush of relief flooding him as he felt the steady beat. Almost as fast, anger at his failure to protect another member of his teamoverwhelmed him.

Surging to his feet, he began to bombard the area where the Jaffa were hiding with weapon fire, paying no attention to the danger he was placing himself in by being in the open.

"O'NEILL!"

Teal'c darted from his cover and made a flying tackle at his friend. Rolling as they hit the ground, the Jaffa grabbed Jack's vest and drug him behind a tree before he had a chance to recover. Letting go, he grabbed the weapon coming at him before it could impact his head. "O'NEILL!" Teal'c called again to penetrate the fog and get the younger man to listen.

When Jack froze at his name, the big man pushed his face into O'Neill's. "You will not risk yourself unnecessarily," he growled, his dark eyes hard.

Gasping to catch his breath and reign in his emotions, Jack allowed Teal'c's words to seep in. Nodding once, he met Teal'c's eyes to tell him he understood. Turning over to his knees, he refocused his eyes onto Daniel who was beginning to move. Judging the distance and cover back to him, he keyed his radio. "Barnes, can you get to Daniel? Teal'c and I will cover you."

***SG1***SG1***

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Tiffany asked, easing the chart in her hand onto the bed.

Shrugging, Sam ran a hand through her hair. "Not that unusual. Even before this," she said a small edge of defensiveness in her tone. "I rested for a bit," she added on, seeing no change in the psychologist's features indicating she was expecting an answer.

"I take it no one has returned your call."

A sharp shake of her head. "Neither Daniel nor the Colonel are picking up. I thought about calling Janet, but," Sam stopped, not finishing the sentence.

"She either won't know anything more than you or she won't tell you if she does and it's bad news," Rogers surmised. "It's that whole do no harm stuff," she added lightly, sitting on the bottom of the bed.

"That never works you know," Sam said tossing the doctor a look. "We know when you aren't telling us something and without the facts, we can come up with all sorts of theories."

"We?"

"Okay, me," Carter amended. "No," she immediately countered, shrugging. "All of us; me, the Colonel, Daniel, Teal'c, others."

"Okay. What theories?"

Shaking her head, Sam moved back to the window. "Well, we're still here so that's something."

The obvious non-answer brought a frown to Rogers' faced as silence descended in the room. "What's going on Sam?" she asked quietly after a few minutes.

"Did you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made different choices? Didn't join up or maybe accepted a transfer you'd turned down?"

"Sometimes," Tiffany replied carefully, not sure where Sam was going with the question. "But," she sighed, "that means all of it would have been different, not just the parts I didn't like."

A small nod acknowledged the words. "I almost left a couple times." Sam's quiet admission hung in the room. "After ... other stuff," she added after a moment.

"Like what?"

Sam glanced back. "Not sure I can really say."

"Tell me what you can then."

Sam shook her head, a finger tracing the bruise on her wrist. "Let's just say that the people of 493 aren't that unusual," she sighed. "Even when they don't act like it at first, they very often aren't what they seem."

A frown pulled on Tiffany's brow. "Surely not everyone is like that?"

Shrugging, Sam conceded the point, a small smile pulling on her face. "Some are good, kind." Her features sobered, her gaze going back to the window. "They often don't last or stay that way though."

"Sounds like a pretty depressing place out there," the doctor said, a frown pulling on her features. A shrug met her observation. "So, why did you stay? Why didn't you transfer?"

"No one else to do it," Sam breathed, her eyes closing briefly at the words. A snort followed. "Sounds conceited, I know," she added, glancing back. "But they're not my words; they're the Pentagon's."

A flash of surprise passed over Tiffany's face. "They wouldn't let you?"

"Foremost expert on the Stargate and alien technology," Sam said, a hint of fatigue and derision in her tone.

"And if you hadn't of joined up?"

Another humorless chuckle had Sam tipping her head back. "There's the total irony of it all. We wouldn't be having this conversation. Earth would have been destroyed by now or we would be totally ignorant of everything out there and what happened wouldn't have happened," she said softly moving to a chair and sitting down.

"You can't know that for sure."

Sam nodded slowly. "Pretty sure," she said, her voice holding a confidence that belied her words. Seeing the crease in Roger's forehead, she sighed. "Quantum physics says that for every event, every choice, option you don't take, there are infinite possibilities of alternative realities where those other events or choices happen."

"Okay," Tiffany said, still not understanding what Sam was getting to. "It's a theory."

"Oh, it's more than that," Sam muttered, looking down before raising her eyes toward the doctor.

The look in Sam's eyes, made Tiffany's eyes widen in surprise. Clearing her throat, she nodded. "And, so, theoretically, that happened? Earth was destroyed? Because you didn't join?"

Sam paused. "No, not because of that," she said, a frown on her face. "I was still involved, just not always military."

"What about the others? Were they there?"

Nodding, Sam lowered her head, her eyes on the floors. "Sometimes. Teal'c wasn't always a good guy. Daniel had a penchant for being dead." A tight smile crossed her features before she sobered. "The Colonel... He, uh," a wince crossed her face. Taking in a deep breath, she added, "He was dead or died trying to stop whatever was happening."

"I see." Pursing her lips she ran the conversation back in her head. "So, you're saying that even with the infinite choices possible, you all ended up doing the same exact thing that you are now?"

"Pretty much."

Tiffany nodded slowly making connections in her mind. "So it's some sort of cosmic fate for you to be raped?"

A tight, pained smile crossed Sam's face. "Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" she sighed, shifting the cell phone in her hand.

Tipping her chin toward Sam's hand, noting the lack of color in her fingers from the intensity of her grip, Rogers added, "And it's making you wonder if maybe this is the time when he dies?"

"Maybe," Sam said, her eyes coming up to the doctor. "He's died or been declared missing presumed dead more times than I care to remember." The grip on the phone tightened until she could feel the corner of it painfully dug into the palm of her hand. "I'm wondering if any of it matters. If it's all some sort of predestined," Sam paused, struggling to find the right word, "inter-demential melodrama and it doesn't matter what we do or don't do. It will all end up at the same place eventually. One or both of us will be dead and all of it will have been for nothing."

"I see." Rogers looked away for a moment. "So, it's not possible in your mind, even with all of the infinite realities you mentioned, that somewhere out there," a hand gestured toward thin air, "there is a happy Sam with no potential world domination or destruction hanging over her? Or maybe one who is fighting to save the world but still has everything else she wants in her life and that makes it okay?"

Sam's eyes closed as she focused on the feel of the phone pressing into her palm. Drawing in a breath, she allowed her grip to ease as she opened her eyes. "Sometimes, it's hard to believe that it's possible."

***SG1***SG1***

Leaning back into her chair, Doctor Rogers raised the dictation machine to her face. "Notes for Carter, Samantha, Major. Patient is working to determine how rape fits into her belief system and what it means for rest of her life. Although not overtly stated, suspect she questions if future intimacy is possible. Experiencing additional stressor of usual support systems being unavailable. Is aware unit was redeployed into combat situation. Normal reactions and concerns for their safety present. Some evidence of clinical depression with sleep disruptions occurring. Sleep aid prescribed PRN. End transcription." Clicking off the recorder, she allowed her eyes to drift out the window as her mind toyed with the idea of infinite possibilities in infinite realities.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: My muse had me scratching my head on where she was going with Sam on this one until the clinical notation at the end. Go back and re-read it with this in mind. It makes much more sense then. :)

AN3: Also, I am not trying to place this story into cannon timeline. I leave that to you to insert where you see fit. That is why I referenced all three episodes about alternate realities. Hopefully didn't miss any. :)


	22. Chapter 22

AN: After the last chapter there was some concern that things weren't getting better. They are, but as I said earlier, recovery isn't a smooth path. There will be backslides and pitfalls. We just have to stay with it. Also, I can't promise that everything will be 'fixed' in this story - fair warning. Life isn't that neat and tidy. Finally, another thank you to the Guest reviewers.

Reminder: Information about the members and purpose of various SG teams is from Stargate Wikia. Used as many identified team members as possible. Summary for you: SG-3 -Marine combat/search and rescue, led by Colonel Reynolds; SG-5 - Marine combat, led by Major Altman; SG-6 search and rescue, led by Colonel Barnes; SG12 Medical/military, no identified members on site - named leader as Captain Mumar.

***SG1***SG1***

"What is it Sergeant?" Hammond asked over the blare of the klaxons calling security personnel into the gate room.

"Unscheduled off world activation," Walter replied, his fingers dancing on the keyboard. "It's SG-5, Sir. They are under fire."

Jamming his finger on the radio switch, Hammond barked, "Major Altman, report. What's your situation?"

"O'Neill here, Sir."

George braced his knees against the rush of relief that went through him at Jack's voice. "Colonel, report."

"Coming in hot, Sir. Down to half dozen or so Jaffa left. Two injured. Going to send Twelve through with them first."

"Roger Colonel. Medical will be standing by."

Leaning forward, he pressed the switch on the intercom. "Look alive down there," he barked to let the gathering security forces know to expect anything before snatching the phone off the wall. "Medical team to the gateroom." Turning back, he laid a hand on Walter's shoulder. "Open the iris."

Sending the all clear sign back, Walter held his breath as he felt the tension radiate in the room. A laser bolt shot through the hole and bounced on the wall below his feet. "Weapon fire."

The words were barely out of his mouth when two members of the team carrying a stretcher came through, darting down the ramp as quickly as they could to safety. Before they had cleared the ramp, the site of Daniel Jackson being supported by a medic appeared along with the final member of SG-12 walking backward providing cover fire.

"Injured and Twelve are back Colonel," Hammond reported into the radio. "Ramp is clear," he relayed.

***SG1***SG1***

"Reynolds," O'Neill barked into his radio. "Move it," he ordered, knowing everyone had heard the General's words. Sending a spray of bullets into a Jaffa that had made a move to impede SG-3's advancement, Jack scanned the area for any further signs as he heard the sudden absence of the sound of their feet pounding on the stone steps indicating they were through the gate. "SG-5, Six, you're up," Jack yelled, shifting to provide more cover as the two teams advanced closer.

Sliding to the ground next to O'Neill, Colonel Barnes scanned the area as he yelled for the rest of his team to keep moving. "Planning on keeping all the fun for yourself here?" he quipped, firing off a few rounds to deter another Jaffa.

"I'm sharing," Jack retorted back, jerking his head toward a nearby Teal'c.

"Yeah, well, I think it's time to call it a night," Barnes retorted back, spotting an Alkesh in the distant sky. Drawing Jack's attention to it, he glanced toward Teal'c to make sure he saw it.

"I think you're right," Jack breathed, making sure Teal'c was ready. Getting a nod from both men, he glanced between the tree line providing the Jaffa cover and the Gate. Reaching into his vest, he pulled a detonator from it. "Let's go."

***SG1***SG1***

"Was your commander a total ass too?"

The words snapped Sam's attention back to the group. Realizing everyone was looking at her expecting a response, she swallowed. "Er... I'm sorry?"

"Your commander when you told him about the rape. How did he react?" Nikki said gently, giving Sam an indication of the topic and a context for the original question.

Shifting, Sam sent a tight smile of thanks to the counselor. "The Colonel... He was the one who found me," Sam said, glancing around the group. "He," she glanced at their hands, shaking her head. "Uh... Saw it...Stopped it... Got me out."

"So you had it easier."

The words were dismissive, harsh, snapping Sam's eyes up to the speaker. Anger flooded her. "You don't know a damn thing about what happened or what it was like for me, Lieutenant," she growled, her eyes hard.

"Let's keep the ranks out of this, okay?" Matt threw in gently, feeling the tension permeating the area. Turning his gaze toward the Lieutenant, he added, "Rick, just because Sam didn't have to tell her boss doesn't mean it was any easier for her than anyone else. None of us have the right to judge anyone else's experience. That's not why we're here."

"Matt's right," Nikki reinforced, glancing around the group as a whole. "Saying someone's experience is less or more than your own is not fair to either of you because it's either minimizing what the other person went through or it's minimizing your own. Each of you went through a violation and it all matters. No one's," she stressed the word, "experience was easier or harder than anyone else's. It was just different, okay?"

"You're saying that the difference between how her commander reacted and how mine did doesn't matter?" Rick challenged.

"No, I'm saying that how others reacted to you is different, not that it doesn't matter," Nikki pressed. "How others react to what happened absolutely matters. Rick, your commander challenged you, saying it didn't happen and basically accused you of lying. Sam, your commander knew it had happened and from the sounds of it, saved you. Does either of those make what happened go away for either of you?"

Sam and Rick shared a look before both shook their heads to indicate it did not.

"Does it matter on how you feel about what happened? Or maybe how much you doubt yourself about what happened, think that maybe you are blowing it out of proportion and it wasn't really that bad?"

A shrug from Rick told Nikki she was correct. A softening of Sam's gaze told her that the Major was understanding the difference and how the Lieutenant could have jumped to the conclusion that because there was external collaboration of what happened to Sam, he would see it as being easier.

Licking her lips, Sam shifted before looking at Rick. "Let's just say, that when it comes to superior officers, I'm luckier than you because even if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he would have believed me."

"You can't know that," Rick blustered, unsure and trying to cover it up.

A small smile pulled at Sam's lips. "Trust me on this one." Cocking her head, she added, "Did anyone believe you?"

Rick looked down. "My wife," he said lowly. "She was the only one. She's stood by me. Without her," he stopped, looking away.

"Yeah," Sam breathed, a shudder passing through her at the thought of going through this without Jack being there for her. The thought sent a cold shard of pain through her body and froze her.

"Sam."

The call of her name snapped Carter's head up to the speaker standing by the door. Seeing Doctor Rogers' tense features, she came to her feet feeling the blood rush from her head. "No," she breathed, reaching for the chair for support.

"It's okay," Tiffany called, moving closer, a tight smile on her face. "Come with me. I'll explain," she said softly. Seeing the curious glances of the others, she added. "Sam's unit has been out of touch for awhile. They've finally reported back in," she offered, knowing the others would understand the implications of teammates being missing.

Stepping into the hallway, Tiffany let the door close behind her before she said, "General Hammond is on the phone for you."

***SG1***SG1***

"Doc?"

Pulling the surgery cap off her head, Janet smiled tightly at the group gathered to meet her. "He'll be okay. His vest took the brunt of it but his shoulder did get into the game. I've repaired the rotator and with some time and physical therapy, he should be back to the same Doctor Jackson that we know and love."

A wave of relief passed through Jack as he hissed a "yes."

"Now, I suggest that you gentlemen," Janet's eyes trailed from Jack to Teal'c to Colonels Reynolds and French, "get some rest. He'll be out of it for several hours yet," she added, holding up a hand when it was apparent that Jack was going to protest.

Conceding with a nod, Jack asked, "What about Nelson?"

A frown pulled on Janet's features. "He's critical. There was a lot of damage and his body is having trouble fighting off the infection. Right now, I just don't know. I still may have to take the leg."

"Damn," French breathed, looking down at the floor. "How long before you know?"

"Next twelve to twenty four hours will be critical," she said as gently as she could. "I've already informed the General about both of them and I'll keep all of you posted if anything changes."

As the men began to move away, Janet touched Jack's arm. "Colonel, a minute please?" she said.

Waiting until the others were out of ear shot, Jack turned back to Janet. "What's up?"

"The General was going to call Sam. I thought that maybe you might want to stop by his office to say, oh update him on Daniel or something."

A smile pulled on Jack's lips. He was definitely going to have to remember how devious this woman was. "I might just have to do that."

***SG1***SG1***

"How bad, Sir?" Sam breathed out, sinking into the chair, her knuckles going white from gripping the phone.

"Doctor Jackson's shoulder was hit by enemy weapon fire but Doctor Fraiser assures me he'll fully recover," the General replied, his tone warm and soothing.

"And," Sam faltered, not sure if she should ask what she truly wanted to ask. After a brief hesitation she added, "the others?"

"Hold on for a minute," the General replied, the sounds becoming muffled as if he had placed his hand over the phone but she guessed someone had come into his office. "Major, I'm going to put you on speaker phone. Can you hear me?" he asked confirming he had not lost her.

"Yes, Sir."

"Hey Carter."

The unexpected sound of Jack's voice seeped into her. "Sir," Sam choked out as her body slumped in relief.

"We're okay," Jack assured her, hearing the unspoken question in the single word. "Besides Daniel, Reynolds's team has some injuries, one serious. Teal'c broke a fingernail," he added dryly, "but other than that, he's fine."

Swallowing hard, she drew a breath. "That's good to hear, Sir."

The brittle timber of her voice brought a frown to Jack's face. "Carter? You okay?"

"I'm fine, Sir," Sam replied, her tone not quite matching the words.

"Carter?" Jack pushed, unconsciously taking a step closer to the phone, his eyes flickering toward his commander. The General's expression told him he had heard the discrepancy also. Muffled voices coming through the line did nothing to ease their concern.

"Doctor Rogers? Major Carter?" George asked as the sounds continued until they were replaced with the sound of rustling fabric.

"General," Doctor Rogers' voice filled the air. "Sir, may I speak with you in private?"

Raising an eyebrow, Hammond picked up the handset. Listening, he glanced down and nodded. "I understand. I'm going to put you on hold for a moment." Pushing the hold, he looked up at Jack and gave him a tight smile. "Colonel, I need to take care of something. If you would be so kind to finish this briefing for me," he said, gesturing to the phone.

"Yes, Sir," Jack acknowledged slowly, realizing the General was giving him an opportunity to speak with Sam without an audience and wondering what the doctor had just said to him.

"Carter?" Jack said picking up the telephone as he heard the door close behind him. "What's going on?"

"Did you have to go on that mission?"

Jack froze at the unexpected, emotion laden question. This wasn't a Major challenging her superior officer. This was something else. "Reynolds was pinned down."

"Did you," she stressed the pronoun, "have to go on that mission?" Sam asked again, her voice strained.

A sigh escaped Jack, knowing he owed her the truth. "I requested SG-1 to go."

A rush of air left Sam. "I can't do this."

The choked, whispered words stabbed at Jack. "What can't you do?" he asked softly back, fighting to hold his alarm at bay.

"I can't," Sam swallowed the pain trying to escape in the form of tears. "I can't do this," she repeated again, "be here, and have to worry that you're going on some mission and never coming back. Not right now."

"Carter," Jack sighed, realizing that he had not even considered that while he may have needed the mission, she wasn't ready for all of the potentials that came with it. "You weren't suppose to know," he confessed back, trying to salvage some piece of it. The silence that met his words told him that didn't help. "I didn't mean to..." Jack cut off, blowing out a breath, letting all the things he wasn't saying meld into the silence.

"I know," Sam replied, her voice heavy with emotion but no longer as strained. "And I'm sorry for asking you to do this," she whispered. "But I need to know there's something beyond this and there can't be if you're dead."

"Okay," Jack breathed, his body sagging from the emotions that came with the acceptance of her plea. "No more right now," he conceded. "Not unless it's really big," he added, stressing the really part to convey his meaning of potential earth destruction or ending the war type of importance. Shifting to break the hold her pain had on him, Jack closed his eyes feeling like he needed to apologize for being unable to agree to her request unconditionally. "Sam," he began only to be interrupted.

"Don't," she said, stopping him. "Don't apologize for being who you are."

A small smile tugged on Jack's features at her words. "We'll make it," he said gently. "They'll be something beyond this," he added, mirroring her words back to her and reminding her of his earlier implied promise.

"Okay," Sam choked out, her voice emotional but no longer pained. Clearing her throat, she let out a breath. "Let me know how Daniel's doing later, okay?"

"You got it," Jack replied, easing the phone into its cradle. Reaching over, he picked up a piece of paper and pen from the General's desk and began to write.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Yeah, I had the same reaction when my muse put on this little evil grin, tucked her hands into her pockets and wandered away, humming some song off key. Lordy, she can try my patience and fortitude! Don't worry, I think she'll be back after she's done tormenting me.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Information on Letopolis from Stargate Wiki. Apophis' attempt to take if from Heru'ur's is my idea. Okay, quit scratching your head at this apparent tangent and go read. It'll make sense soon.

***SG1***SG1***

Pulling off his boot, Jack let it slip through his hands and thunk to the floor to join its mate. Rubbing a hand over his face, he refused to think about the last time he had been this tired. Unbidden, the memory of being on the mountain several weeks ago with Sam asleep against his side popped into his mind. Snorting, he was thankful that was the memory rather than anything else from the mission or its aftermath that could have appeared in his mind. Turning off the lamp and easing himself back onto the bed with a groan, he had just closed his eyes when a knock on the door echoed in the silent room.

Growling, he turned on the light as he rolled to his feet. "What?" he snarled, yanking open the door to glare at the person on the other side.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said in greeting. "I wish to speak with you."

The seriousness of the Jaffa's features halted any comment that Jack was going to make. "Yeah, sure," he said, stepping back to allow the big man to enter. Closing the door, Jack leaned against it, noting the tension in Teal'c's form as he stood in the middle of the room. "At ease, Airman," Jack quipped, moving past him to sit on the bed. After a few moments of silence, he tipped his head, asking an unspoken question.

Running his eyes over his comrade, Teal'c read the fatigue and impatience in his features. He also saw the curiosity. When he began to speak his voice was low. "Many years ago, when I was a young warrior, Apophis attempted to overtake a planet that had been taken from Bastet by Heru'ur. Letopolis was rich in trinium and Apophis knew that if Heru'ur was successful in establishing his base there, it would become a formidable stronghold he could use against all of the system lords. It was a prolonged engagement and many Jaffa were lost on both sides," he began, sadness echoing in his voice. "Myself and three other warriors were all that escaped from the forty Jaffa Apophis sent to the planet."

Jack winced at the magnitude of the loss, knowing what Teal'c must have been feeling.

"One of the other three who survived was a warrior named Ja'cal. He had seen many battles in his life and he had taught me much. I would not have survived if not for his assistance that day. This battle disturbed him more than any other. While he did not state this, I sensed in him a great reluctance to continue to serve Apophis. Shortly after the battle on Letopolis, he died when he broke cover to protect another Jaffa," Teal'c stated. Turning his gaze to O'Neill, he added, "He did so needlessly."

Jack froze at the words, remembering the growled threat from the Jaffa when he had tackled him and forced him to cover. Drawing a breath, he only got out 'Teal'c' before the big man interrupted him.

"I have no desire to tell SamanthaCarter that such an event has occurred with you," he said solemnly. "Nor do I wish to live with the loss of another brother in that manner."

Slowly standing, Jack took a couple steps to bring himself before the Jaffa. "I don't want to die," he said softly.

"Yet, I do not believe you wish to fight more battles either," Teal'c countered, locking eyes with Jack.

The truth of Teal'c words flashed across Jack's face before it was replaced with fatigue. "No," Jack breathed, turning away to move back to the bed. "I'm tired," he threw back over his shoulder. "The fighting, the loss, the damage," he stopped, shaking his head. "That mission with Carter," Jack tapered off, looking down at his hands. Clearing his throat, he added, "Sometimes the price is too high."

Cocking his head, the Jaffa asked, "Then why did you request to rescue SG-3 when you did not need to?"

Shrugging, Jack looked away. "To see if I could," he murmured. "Couldn't let my last one be PX9-493 being as it was such an abject failure and all," he said, a tinge of forced humor and derision in his tone.

"Then you are leaving the SGC," Teal'c stated, drawing the only conclusion he could from Jack's words.

Running a hand over his face, Jack sighed. "I don't know," he said flatly. "Look," he added, standing up with a wince. "I'm really tired right now and can't be held accountable for what I say. But, I know I don't want to die, okay?" Moving over to the door, he laid a hand on the knob. "Can we talk about the rest later?"

Tipping his head in agreement, Teal'c headed out. Stopping in the doorway, he added quietly before leaving, "Bringing Major Carter back from PX9-493 is not a failure O'Neill."

***SG1***SG1***

Easing down onto the stool by the infirmary bed, Jack gave Daniel a smile. "Hey. Doc said you were awake."

"Hey yourself," Daniel answered back, his voice groggy. "Everyone else okay?"

Jack's nod assured him they were. "Nelson's critical," he amended. "Three's already headed home for a few days of rest."

Daniel let a sigh of relief pass through him. "How about you?" he asked after a few minutes of silence passed.

"Tired," Jack winced. "Getting too old for these 48 hour work days." Waving off the alarmed look he was getting, he added, "I grabbed a couple hours while you were sleeping. Heading home, but wanted to see how you were doing first."

Raising the small red button controller for Jack to see, Daniel quipped, "Janet's got me on the good stuff."

Glancing up at the IV pole and the bag of morphine connected to the regulating pump, Jack smirked. "Noticed that."

"You call Sam?"

Shaking his head, Jack clarified. "Hammond did. I got to talk with her during it." Jack looked away before he added, "She wasn't happy you got shot."

Daniel watched Jack avoid his gaze. "You mean she wasn't happy you went out on a mission."

Eyes darted back. "She's worried about you and Teal'c, too," he said, an edge of defensiveness in his tone.

"Jack."

Daniel's exasperated tone caused Jack to close his eyes briefly before he brought them back to the archaeologist. "I've asked Hammond for some leave. A couple weeks," he said. Looking back down, he added, "I need to figure out what I'm going to do." A flash of emotion passed over his face with a sigh. "If they don't bring frat charges," he clarified.

Daniel swallowed, looked up at the ceiling. "Think that's a good idea? Being by yourself?"

Tapping the bed as he stood, Jack gave him a tight smile. "I'll be okay. Have a couple calls set up with Rogers anyway. Still have to do those. I'll call ya, okay?" he added, starting to move away.

Daniel's call stopped him. "You know it's not your fault I got shot, right?"

Turning back, Jack nodded at him. Starting again, he threw over his shoulder as he moved away, "Teal'c's gonna bring a phone in later so you can call Carter."

***SG1***SG1***

Sighing, George tossed the file he had been reading on the stack of completed reviews. Picking up Jack's service file, he opened it and stared at the picture in it wondering how the man had come through so much and still be alive and relatively sane. A knock on the door brought his attention away from the file. "Colonel," he said, acknowledging the officer and waving for him to enter. "I thought you'd be catching some sleep by now. What can I do for you?"

"Sir," Tom French said, easing into the room. "Slept some," he acknowledged. "Having a little problem unwinding," he added ruefully.

Nodding, Hammond gestured for him to have a seat. Waiting until the officer had eased down, he asked again, "What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to," Tom began, pausing to look down before squaring his shoulders and looking back toward the General. "Thank you, Sir, for sending others to get us."

A small smile pulled on George's face. "It wasn't an option not to, Tom," he said. "Not when we knew you were alive and waiting."

"Yes, Sir," French acknowledged. Looking away for a minute, he licked his lips. "Sir, I shouldn't be saying this, but..."

The troubled look passing over the younger man's features brought a frown to Hammond's face. "Colonel?"

"There was a third report submitted to the Pentagon."

"A third report?" Hammond repeated carefully. Running his eyes over the officer before him, he leaned back. "About me, my command abilities," he surmised.

"Yes, Sir," French said quietly.

Hammond nodded slowly. "I see." Letting out a slow breath, George let his features soften. "This isn't my first rodeo. My ability to make decisions about the operation of this base and my officers was bound to be questioned by recent events." He lifted his hand and allowed it to drop back to the desk. "We'll both have to wait and see what they decide about that won't we."

"Yes, Sir," Tom breathed, looking Hammond in the eye. "Sir, for what it's worth, if they decide anything but that you are one of the finest the Air Force has, they are complete fools."

"Thank you, Tom," George said, a flash of embarrassment at the praise passing through him. "If there's nothing else, I've got to finish this report so we can hopefully put this sordid mess to rest."

***SG1***SG1***

"Besides the rape, what do you remember the most?"

Sam swallowed at the question. Shifting in the chair to buy time, she glanced briefly at the doctor before focusing her gaze out the office window.

Her uneasiness brought a small smile to Tiffany's face. "You know anything that you say here is confidential, right?"

"To a point," Sam countered. "You can't promise that." Shaking her head, she looked away and licked her lips. "You work for the military. If you learn of a breach of regulations you have no choice but to report it."

Slowly nodding, Rogers toyed with her pen. "Was there a violation of regulations?" Looking up at Sam, she changed the question. "I asked Colonel O'Neill if he had raped you. He said he didn't. Do you disagree?"

"No." The answer was firm. "He wouldn't do that."

"You're sure?" An answering nod and blue eyes latching onto her's made her shake her head in agreement. "Okay. So what then?"

"I," Sam paused, licking her lips. "I forced him to place me, my well being, above others."

A slow nod met her words. "When he killed to protect you or when you asked him to kill you?"

A flinched passed across Sam's face. "I wasn't strong enough to do it myself."

"To kill yourself?" the Doctor asked. Sam's countenance told her she partially correct. "To stop it?" A shrug met her question. "To cope with what had happened?"

"I still can't." Sam's voice was husky, thick.

"No one can," Tiffany pushed gently back. "Something like this, no one can be expected to do it alone."

Watching as the color seeped back into her fingers after she forced them to release their grip on each other, Sam said softly, "I remember feeling the fear ease when I was pressed against him. That," a frown shifted across her features, "I would be safe as long as I held onto him."

"That's understandable," Rogers said gently. "You've watched each other's backs for years."

"Is that all it is?"

Stillness settled over Tiffany at the emotions hidden in the five quietly spoken words. Realizing she needed to say something, she licked her lips. "When something big happens to us or around us, to survive it, we instinctually rely on what has gotten us through other times," she said, her voice carefully modulated. "On what we know to be inherently true."

"That the Colonel has a duty to protect his team." There was a tinge of bitterness in Sam's tone.

"Yes, but in this case, that's only part of it," Rogers countered.

A frown crossed Sam's features. "Part?"

A small smile pulled on the corner of Tiffany's mouth. "You needed comfort, both physically and emotionally. A man can do a lot more than a Colonel can in that situation."

"So you're saying, what? That I would have reacted like that to any man who had been in the room with me?" Sam asked, her eyes troubled.

Tiffany shook her head. "No. In fact, from the reports from others there, you did not react well to the presence of other men. I'm saying that Jack comforts you, not Colonel O'Neill. You need him. You rely on the man, not the soldier." A snort met her words.

"And we're right back to the beginning of this conversation," Sam said. Looking down for a moment, Sam brought sad eyes up. "Please don't report this, punish him for my weakness."

Leaning forward, Tiffany made sure she looked Sam in the eye. "It's not a weakness to need someone."

"Yeah, well, in this situation, I think the Air Force will disagree with you."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Okay, confession time. I have been a couple chapters ahead of you in writing. Lately real life has been kicking me and I am now behind. I'm going to try my best, but the next chapter may not be ready next week. So, keep your fingers crossed. I'll get it up if at all possible. Thanks for your continued support on this story. It means a lot.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Hi! Thanks so much for all the kind words and encouragement as I took my little hiatus. It was really, really weird to not post last week. Hopefully I am back on track and we can get through the rest without any more interruptions and that this one was worth the wait. Enjoy.

***SG1***SG1***

Feeling her fist impact the punching bag, Sam winced at the tremor the force sent up her arm. Taking a step back, she blew out a loud breath and wiped the sweat trying to seep into her eyes. Snorting, she shook her head at the anger that still pulled at her emotions.

It was stupid really. He told her he would not be able to contact her while she was here yet the fact that she hadn't heard from the Colonel for over a week still pissed her off. Taking another swing, she winced at the pain echoing in her arm from the jolt.

"Damn, woman. What'd that bag ever do to you?"

The teasing voice irritated her further. Tossing a glare over her shoulder, her features clearly indicated "leave me the hell alone" to the speaker as she steadied the swaying bag.

Placating hands being held up responded to her. "Okay, okay," Matt retorted. "I get it. Pissed at the world." Waiting a moment, he added, his voice low and serious, "What to talk about it?"

"Not really," Sam grunted, yanking at the Velcro holding the glove on. Pulling her hand from it, she flexed her fingers. Looking away a minute before bringing her gaze back to the counselor, she let a breath escape. "Look, I appreciate the concern, but I just need some time to work through something myself."

The chirping of her cell phone interrupted anything else that may have been said.

"Carter," she snapped, moving away from the counselor watching her with a contemplative look on his face. "Daniel," she breathed, hearing his greeting. Feeling the anger slip from her, she closed her eyes and basked in the warmth she associated with him spreading through her. "How was PT?"

"Wonderful as always," Daniel said, sarcasm lacing the words to let her know it sucked. "What about you? How's your day going?"

"Good," she breathed out, her voice giving away what her word did not.

"Sam?"

"I want to come back," she said, leaning her forehead on the cool window. The questioning silence on the other end had her amending, "I want to see you guys. I've missed you," she confessed softly.

"We miss you too," Daniel replied gently. "Maybe Teal'c could come," he offered.

"Didn't you say he went home for a few days?"

"Yeah, I did," Daniel confessed. "But he said that if we needed him for anything, he'd come back."

"No," Sam rushed. "I'm okay. Don't bother him." Toying with the seam on her pants, she tried to keep her voice light to convey that her next question didn't mean more than it should. "How's the Colonel?"

"He's at the cabin," Daniel offered warmly. "Talked to him yesterday. Seems to be doing okay."

"That's good," Sam murmured, trying to hide the pang that ran through her knowing he was at the one place in the world she would give anything to be able to go. "Probably fishing," she forced out, some part of her knowing that it didn't mean he placed more value on that than her, but the other part seething that it felt like it did.

"You okay?"

The softly spoken concern told her he had heard something of her emotions in her voice and caused her to close her eyes to ward off the tears that threatened. "Yeah. Sorry, I've got to go," she added after a few seconds, hoping her voice didn't sound as fake and brittle to him as it did to her. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said, not waiting for his goodbye before she disconnected.

"Nope, not fishing."

The words behind her snapped Sam's head around, her body following. "Colonel," she breathed, greeting the man standing before her, the anger draining from her. Running eyes over his features, she drank in the sight of him. "Daniel said you were in Minnesota," she stuttered. The vibration of the phone in her hand caused her to glance down. "Daniel," she said in apology as she brought up the text.

 _U ok?_ She read on the screen before the phone was pulled gently away from her.

Punching some keys, Jack pressed the send before closing it and handing it back to her. "Doc says I can spring you from this place for a couple hours if you're up to it."

"Yeah," Sam blurted out, a smile appearing unbidden with her response. Grimacing a little as she remembered how she must look right now, she amended, "Fifteen so I can clean up?"

"Take your time," Jack agreed, looking around the room, spotting the various vets working out or having therapy. "I'll be here."

***SG1***SG1***

Chewing on his bottom lip, Daniel stared at the cell phone in his hand. He couldn't decide if the two words on the screen were a good thing or bad.

 _With Carter._

Not incriminating in of themselves; unless you knew there was only one person in the world, hell in several galaxies, that called her that.

"I hope you know what your doing Jack," he muttered, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

***SG1***SG1***

Moving down the hallway to her room, a tingle of awareness that she was being watched crept up Sam's spine. Slowing her steps, she scanned the hallway ahead of her, her feet coming to a halt when she located the source of her discomfort. "Colonel Nelson," she said, her arm raising to snap off a salute.

"Major, at ease," Nelson said, shifting his weight on the crutches to ease some of the pain in his leg.

Running eyes over the senior officer, she noted the medical scrubs and assistive devices. "Sir? I'm surprised to see you. Especially, here," she stuttered, gesturing toward his apparel.

Snorting, the older man looked down briefly before looking back up at her. "Took a trip with some of your buddies. Ran into some unfriendly neighbors," he said dryly.

The dilation of her pupils told him she had understood the unspoken parts of the story. Licking her lips, she slowly nodded. "They can be unwelcoming at times, Sir," she said softly. "Er... Did anyone else...?" she trailed off, gesturing toward his leg.

Shaking his head, he shook his head. "Colonel Reynolds wouldn't allow it until the cavalry arrived," he said, a dry trace of humor in his voice. A flicker of regret passed his face. "Daniel Jackson got banged up a bit on the way home."

Sam's eyes widened again as she put parts of the puzzle together in her mind. "His shoulder," she breathed. A nod from Nelson confirmed she was putting it together correctly. Her team had been part of the rescue team. Understanding of why Jack had asked to go on the mission flooded her.

Tipping his head to indicate they should start moving, Nelson took a few slow steps before speaking again. "How are you doing?" he asked softly.

"Better, Sir," Sam replied, glancing sideways. "Doctor Rogers says I'm making progress."

"I'm glad," he replied, stopping in front of a door. "Home sweet home," he threw out.

Nodding, a tight smile on Sam's face acknowledged the words. "Sir," she said hesitantly, unsure if she should ask him what she really wanted to know. "Do you know anything about the results of the," a frown crossed her head trying to come up with some words to inquire about the fraternization investigation without actually saying the words.

"The inquiry?" Nelson offered. Cocking his head, he frowned. "Colonel O'Neill didn't stop by to see you?"

"Er... We didn't get to talk much. He's waiting for me to get cleaned up," Sam stuttered not sure she should have admitted that.

"Good," Al breathed. "I'll let him tell you then." Grimacing, he sent her a self-depreciating smile. "Sorry, but this leg has had enough for right now. It was good to see you Major. I hope things work out," he added softly.

"Thank you, Sir," Sam replied instinctively, not exactly sure what she was thanking him for just yet.

***SG1***SG1***

Coming back into the exercise area, Sam immediately spotted Jack chatting with some service men on the other side of the room. Moving over there, she spoke to let him know she was ready. "Colonel?"

"I've got to go," Jack said, thrusting his thumb back toward Sam. He paused however, when he saw the eyes on one of the men widen suddenly as he looked back and forth between the Jack and Sam.

"This is _him_?" Rick directed toward Sam, incredibility in his voice.

Nodding, a smile tugged on Sam's face at the confusion on Jack's face and the myriad of emotions on the younger man's. "Yep. Lieutenant Rick Witt, Colonel Jack O'Neill." Turning her gaze back to Jack, she added, "He didn't believe you'd come visit at some point."

"Yeah, well, gotta keep em guessing, you know," Jack tossed back, waving off the immediate tensing of the nearby service men when they realized the man in civilian garb they had been chatting so easily with was a full bird Colonel.

"My apologies, Sir," Rick sputtered, just in case he had stepped over a line. "My, uh, commanding officer wouldn't have... hasn't," he amended. Swallowing, he continued, "Sam said you were different."

An amused quirk of Jack's eyebrow had Sam moving closer so as to minimize others hearing. "He, uh, asked me if my commander was an asshole too."

Jack had to cover the snort of amusement that threatened to escape. "And you said?" A smile tugged at his lips at Sam's eyes dilating in surprise at his question before she dipped her head to hide whatever may be showing on her face. Not waiting for her to answer, he looked back at the Lieutenant. "I've had some of them. Probably been one a time or two," he admitted, his eyes sliding back to Sam to see her dip her head again. Waiting until she looked back up, he tipped his head toward Witt asking a silent question. Getting a slight nod back, Jack held out his hand. "Take care of yourself, Lieutenant. And if that commander keeps being an asshole, give Carter a call. Maybe we can find you a better one."

"Yes, Sir," Witt replied. "I think I'd like that."

***SG1***SG1***

"How are you doing?" Jack asked, taking his eyes off the road for a brief moment to look at her and gesture with his hand to indicate her body.

Carefully shifting in the seat, Sam threw him a tight smile. "Better. Still too sore to do some things, but better. Stitches are out and I'll be glad when the bruises go away." Licking her lips, she added hesitantly, "Still no signs of any...diseases." Looking out the window at the passing scenery, she changed the subject. "Where are we going?"

"Rockville," Jack murmured. "Find someplace we can talk." Silence again descended in the vehicle. Pulling into a parking space at a park, he looked out over the open area. "Up for a walk?" he asked. Getting a nod, he got out and waited until she joined him before starting them on a path.

"Daniel said you were in Minnesota," Sam said, finally breaking the silence.

"I was. Flew here this morning," Jack acknowledged. "Hammond called me after Daniel," he offered. "We've been cleared."

Relief flooded through Sam. "That's... That's good," she breathed out. "The team won't be broken up."

Jack touched her arm to stop her as he felt like he owed it to her to at least look at her when he said what he needed to say next. Not sure how she was going to take it, he steeled himself for a reaction. "I've asked for a transfer." Startled blue eyes stood in sharp contrast to her rapidly whitening skin. Spotting a nearby bench, he tipped his head. "Let's sit," he murmured, his fingers wrapping around her arm to nudge her to move with him.

"Why?" Sam choked out as he eased himself down beside her. "Because of me? What happened?" Seeing a slight flinch pass through him, her anxiety rose. "It wasn't your fault," she choked out. "Please don't. I'll leave. Daniel and Teal'c need..."

"Carter," Jack interrupted her sharply, trying to stop her so he could explain.

"You belong there. I can..." Sam continued, her agitation and distress evident.

"Carter. Sam," Jack said again, putting his hands on her arm to get her to pay attention to him. "Stop." When tearful eyes locked with his, he continued, his voice low to force her to listen to him. "It's not what you think."

Releasing her arm, Jack slid his hand into hers. "We got lucky," he breathed out, watching some children chase after a ball in the field. "Unofficially, Hammond warned me that the powers that be are still concerned, suspicious. They just couldn't prove anything." He tightened his grip briefly. "To avoid any future questions, they recommended one of us be transferred and I agree." Glancing back at her, he tipped his head toward her. "They need you more than me."

Sam shook her head vehemently. "No," she countered. "Every person on that base respects you, relies on you. Without you..."

"I need to do something different," he interjected, cutting her off. "Yes, part of it is 493, needing some time to deal with what happened there, but not all it," he explained, watching his thumb brush across the back of her hand. "I told you that the boundaries between us had been blown to hell and," he paused, taking in an audible breath at the emotions behind the words. Looking up, he needed to gauge her reaction to his next words. "I can't put them back."

Joy flashed briefly across her face before sorrow took its place. "I can't either." A hitched sob escaped Sam's lips. "But I don't know how to do this right now."

"I know," he breathed back, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. "Right now, I'm not asking you to do anything but understand why I asked for a transfer." Resting his chin on her head, he tightened his grip on her. "Everything else will still be here when you're ready."

Nodding to acknowledge his words, Sam leaned into him, relishing the feel of him. When she felt like she could speak without choking on her words, she asked, "Where will you go?"

"Don't know yet. Hammond's looking to see what's open," Jack said softly. "Thought about just putting in my papers, but," a shrug accompanied the statement. "Who knows, maybe the Academy needs a washed up old soldier for something."

Leaning back so she could see his face, she whispered, "Stay as close as possible, okay?"

Fingertips followed the trail of her tears, wiping the trace of them away. "You got it."

***SG1***SG1***


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Thank you for reviews from the last chapter! Remember when I said recovery was like climbing a mountain and that sometimes you had to go down to go up? Well, this chapter is a prime example of this reality. So hang on - it gets a little nerve racking.

***SG1***SG1***

Setting the tray down on the table, Daniel let out a loud sigh as he sank into the chair. "Hey Teal'c," he said softly, going through the motions of preparing to eat. "How was your trip?"

"It was fine, DanielJackson."

"Good," Daniel replied sending him a tight smile. "Sorry I called you back early, but I'm glad you're here."

Nodding in response to the sentiments, the Jaffa watched Daniel studiously fussing with his napkin and shifting around the items on his tray. After the third placement of his coffee cup, Teal'c broke the silence. "You are troubled."

Pausing for a moment before taking a sip of his coffee, Daniel slowly nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am," he confessed. Shrugging self-consciously, he tried to make light of it. "In my heart I know that it was probably a good thing I wasn't on 493 with Jack and Sam, but I just can't help but feel that things would have turned out differently if we had been there. You know?"

"I do."

"And now Sam's," Daniel shook his head, silently conveying he was not sure how to describe what Sam was going through before adding, "and Jack's leaving." Pushing around the potatoes on his plate, he peered cautiously up over his glasses. "Do you know what you are going to do?"

"I do."

Daniel looked up, exasperation flashing on his features as he said, "Care to share?"

"I am not done here yet, DanielJackson. I still believe the Tau'ri have the best chance to overthrow the Goa'uld and free my people. I shall continue to offer my services to GeneralHammond until O'Neill and MajorCarter are able to return."

The words loosened the knot that had settled into Daniel's chest. "Good," he said thickly, not realizing how much he had been dreading that Teal'c might say he was leaving also. "Good," he repeated again, nodding to further affirm it before focusing again on the tray in front of him.

"And you, DanielJackson? What shall you do?"

The quietly spoken words brought Daniel's head back up. A pang of guilt flashed through him at the uncertainty and hint of vulnerability reflected on the Jaffa's face. He realized he hadn't considered that he may not be the only one feeling a little adrift and uncertain of his place in the world. Clearing his throat, he said, "Er... I'm going to stay," he said. "At least for awhile," he added with a tight smile. "Somebody's got to keep an eye on you," he added.

A hint of a smile pulled on Teal'c's features and spoke of his relief. "You are most welcome to continue to fight at my side," he simply said before turning back to his meal.

Feeling a further sense of relief, Daniel nodded. After a few more moments, he again broke the silence. "You really think Jack's coming back?"

"I do, as I believe MajorCarter will once again fight at our side," Teal'c said with certainty.

The distinction between what he said between Jack's and Sam's future was not lost on Daniel. "But not Jack?" he asked. Seeing a crease on Teal'c's forehead, he continued. "You said Sam would go back on missions but not Jack."

Teal'c paused in his movements contemplating what Daniel had said. He had not consciously made that distinction but thinking about it, he realized he believed it. Raising his gaze to meet Daniel's, he said, "I believe that O'Neill will best serve in another role in the future. He has much to offer in other ways."

"What? Like a mentor?"

"Perhaps," Teal'c agreed, his mind comparing O'Neill to Bra'tac. "He and Master Bra'tac are much alike. Both are men of advanced years and wisdom who can teach others much."

Snorting, a smile pulled on Daniel's face. "You better not let Jack hear you say that. You just called him old."

"It is, as you say, the truth hurts sometimes," Teal'c countered, a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

***SG1***SG1***

Glancing quickly at the doctor across from her before again looking down at her hands, Sam drew in a deep breath to calm her nerves. Looking back, she forced the words she wanted to say out. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," Tiffany said. "It may not be appropriate for me to answer it, but you can ask it."

"Were you held hostage?"

A small smile pulled on Roger's lips. She wondered how long it would be before Sam asked. "Yes, for twenty seven days."

"And did they rape you?"

"Yes, I was raped during that time," Tiffany said, "but that's all I'm going to say on the topic."

Nodding to indicate she understood, Sam licked her lips nervously. "Are you," Sam paused, clearing her throat. "Are you in a relationship now?"

"Yes, I am."

Nodding, Sam forced her gaze back up. "And he knows about," Sam paused, gesturing.

"He knows," Tiffany assured her. Looking down at her own hands she looked back towards Sam without raising her head. "Why don't you tell me what you're thinking about," she prodded gently, redirecting Sam from any further questions about herself.

"Colonel O'Neill has requested a transfer out of the SGC," Sam said quietly.

"Ah," Tiffany replied, making herself a mental note to reach out to Jack. "And that means, what?"

A shrug met her question before Sam offered, "Maybe a lot of things, maybe nothing." An expectant look from the doctor, made her sigh. "It's because of me. But it's a mistake." Sam's eyes drifted to the window. "I can't give him what he wants so it will all be for nothing."

Tiffany stopped the frown that wanted to appear. "How so?"

"Because I get it now," Sam breathed, her voice low. "Before I came here, everyone looked at me like I was damaged. I didn't want to believe it, but I understand now that I am." She forced a tight smile on her face as she glanced back at the counselor. "It's like you said. There's no going back from this one."

Metaphorical alarm bells began chiming in Tiffany's mind. Sitting up straighter, she adjusted the note pad on her lap. "Tell me about your morning," she said, knowing that something had to have happened. "Better yet, let's start with last night. You went outside the facility with Colonel O'Neill. What did you do?"

"Went up to Rockville, talked," Sam shrugged. "Got a bite to eat, came back."

"He told you he was leaving and, what?"

Sam's eyes instinctively searched the room for any signs of cameras or recording devices. Nervously she licked her lips. "That..er...certain things we had talked about years ago hadn't changed for him."

"Things?"

Sam's eyes scanned the area again. Cleaning her throat, she said, "Feelings."

"I see," Tiffany said carefully, trying to fill in the gaps from what she had heard from others about their relationship or lack there of.

"And that upset you?"

"Not at first," Sam breathed. "I," she paused, not sure she should continue. Making up her mind, she said, "Mine hadn't changed either."

"But they have since then?" A curt brief shake of Carter's head told her they had not, which meant something else was the cause. "But something else happened to make you doubt that it can work out?" Sam's lowered head told her she was on the right course. "Did he do something that made you uncomfortable?"

"Why are you always so quick to blame him?" Sam snapped, her eyes blazing at the doctor. The tone was harsh, angry. "Every time I feel or don't feel something you ask me if he did something."

Holding up her hands, Tiffany shook her head slowly. "I'm not blaming him," she said gently. "I'm trying to understand what happened to cause you to feel this way, that's all." She watched as Sam struggled to get her anger under control. "Events and actions don't define emotions and meanings. We do that."

"Oh, so it's my fault," Sam shot back, launching herself from the chair and moving over to the window.

Sighing, Rogers shifted and laid the notepad on the small table beside her, biding her time to give Sam some time. The mood swings didn't surprise her, in fact, she had been expecting them. Still she couldn't let her run from whatever it was that was driving her at this moment. After a few minutes, she said, "Please sit down."

Watching silently until Sam complied, she noted the Major refused to look at her. She could deal with that. At least she had come back. "You talked, got a bite to eat, and came back. Is that right?" A nod confirmed it. "Did he drop you off or walk you back in?"

"Walked me back in," Sam answered reluctantly.

"To the door, floor, room?" Rogers prodded for details.

"The room." The words were coarse, harsh, reluctant.

" _The_ room," Rogers reiterated softly. "Which room?"

Sam started at the question, her eyes darting toward the psychologist. "Hospital room," she said hesitantly.

"What happened when you got to your hospital room?" Tiffany encouraged.

Averting her gaze, Sam tried to brush it off. "It was nothing. He came in, we said goodbye, he left." Running her hands through her hair, she shifted. "He hugged me and," Sam's head her head tipped back, her eyes closed.

Rogers read the agitation and emotional pain in Sam's body and features. Biding her time, she stayed silent.

"I freaked," she whispered. "He held me and it was like before, on the mission. We were back in that room where the rape happened. All I could see was the table, the shadows, sounds, feel the weight of a body pressing me down, the sounds, smells." Sam scrubbed her face. "Some part of me kept saying it wasn't real, but I had to get out, get away."

Comprehension of what had occurred sank into Rogers.

"It's stupid," Sam choked out. "I know he wouldn't hurt me but being pressed against him like that, feeling his body against mine," she shook her head, her eyes falling closed. "I pushed away from him."

"Had you hugged like that before?" Tiffany asked gently. A sharp nod of Sam's head told her they had. "Since the assault?"

A frown creased Carter's forehead as she thought back. "There, after," she whispered.

Tiffany nodded slowly. "Had you remembered that?"

Sam shrugged. "Some, not really. I...er...remember lashing out, fighting."

"And you wanted to do that again?" Rogers asked. When Sam nodded, she continued, her voice even and reassuring. "You had a flashback, Sam. It's not uncommon. It's unfortunate, but I'm not surprised. It was probably the worst combination of environmental and emotional factors for you right now: an institutional type setting, a small poorly lit room, something that you could have been restrained on coupled with all the emotions that had to be running through you after hearing that Jack was leaving. Your muscles, your body still holds the memory of your ordeal. They reacted to the situation and equated all of that with what happened on the mission and not being safe." Leaning forward, she made sure she caught Sam's gaze before she added, "It doesn't have to mean what you think it does."

Wide startled eyes darted to look at the doctor. "But what if it does?"

"Sam," Tiffany breathed sitting back. Shifting, she changed her tactic. "What did Jack do, after you pushed him away?"

"He," Sam blew out a breath. "Asked me if I was okay. I told him he better get going. He was flying back to Colorado Springs this morning, early." A shrug told her she had been scrambling for anything at the time. "Said he needed to get rest. Essentially, I shoved him out the door."

"He say anything?"

A snort escaped Sam, as she shook her head. "We've never needed words to communicate," she said thickly, trying to blink away the tears that had gathered. "He was confused, worried. I hurt him, doing that," she whispered. "What if I can't... if I panic at a hug, then what does that mean for anything else?"

Tiffany touched Sam's hand to bring her eyes to her. "As far as any sexual or intimate physical relationship, I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to take some time and a whole lot of patience on both of your parts. I think Jack knows that," she said softly. "There may need to be some changes in what you did before. You may find that at first that certain positions won't work or that you're no longer comfortable with certain things. But that doesn't mean you can't be intimate or won't enjoy a physical relationship again." Leaning back, she watched as Sam brushed tears from her face. "You know that what happened to you had absolutely nothing to do with sex, right?"

A flash of confusion passed over Sam's face. "But..."

"Someone, or in your case, several men performed sexual acts on you against your will. That's not sex and it sure as hell isn't intimacy. It was about power and control; them exerting it to dominate you. They used their bodies as a weapon, just as much as if they used a gun or knife," Tiffany said, her voice firm. "The only difference is that the wounds aren't as obvious."

"So what do I do?" Sam asked, her voice low, thick.

"You have to give yourself permission to try, to fail, and then to keep trying," Rogers said. "And you have to be willing to trust him, talk to him, tell him what you need, what makes you uncomfortable, what is freaking you out. If you're as good at communicating without talking as you say, he'll know something is wrong anyway. He just won't know how to help fix it if you don't tell him. And I don't think you want him to be guessing, wondering if you don't want or need him anymore do you?" Seeing Sam shake her head, she allowed a small smirk to pull in her lips. "Despite what we believe sometimes, we really can't read each other's minds."

***SG1***SG1***

Pulling into the drive, Jack heard the chime telling him a text had come in. Picking up the phone, a breath he did not know he had been holding escaped his lips when he saw it was from Sam.

 _Call when can. Need to talk._

Scrolling through the contacts, he hit the send when he landed on her name. His eyes trailed across the neighborhood as he listened to the rings. The low sound of her voice saying "Carter" reached his ear.

"Hey," Jack answered. "You okay?" he asked gently as the sound of her breathing seeped into him. He was just about to call her name to ask what was wrong when she finally spoke.

"I need you, want you, in my life," Sam said, thickly. "Please don't give up on me."

Jack's eyes closed as he tried to swallow the emotions trying to choke him. When he spoke, his voice was deep, throaty. "Not a chance in hell, Carter."

***SG1***SG1***


	26. Chapter 26

***SG1***SG1***

"McMurdo?" The exasperation in Jack's voice was clear. "Sir," he began, only to stop when General Hammond held up a hand.

"You didn't let me finish," George interjected. "Yes, McMurdo is an option, but there are also potentials at Nellis or Laughlin," he said handing Jack over a folder. Watching as he opened it, he added, "Are you sure you want to do this, Jack? I really hate to see you take a step back in your career like this."

A small smile passed by Jack's face as he looked up at his commander. "Never thought I'd get this far." Looking down, he added, "I appreciate everything you've done, Sir, but we both know that Carter's more valuable here."

"You're both valuable here, Colonel," George assured him.

A small nod acknowledged and thanked him for the sentiment. "Fraiser says my knees aren't going to take much more anyway," Jack said softly. "This way, I go out on my terms."

Looking down, George nodded. Seeming to make up his mind, he rested his hands on his desk and clamped them together. "There may be a way to stay here and your knees won't matter, if you're interested."

A quirk of Jack's eyebrow asked what his voice was not.

"I've been thinking about retiring myself," George said lowly. "Planned to do it years ago, but then this," his hand gestured toward the Stargate, "came up and they pushed, so I took it. Might be time to find out what else there is to do in the world. Maybe take my granddaughters on a trip or two."

"You deserve it, Sir," Jack said honestly before a crease pulled on his forehead. "But what does that have to do with me?"

"You could take over."

"Excuse me?" Jack replied, his face telling of his shock and doubt.

A chuckle passed Hammond's lips. "You could take over," he repeated. "I'm serious. Hell, most days you run this place more than I do now."

Jack looked down at the folder in his hand. "Sir, as much as I appreciate your confidence, I don't think that's a good idea." A wince passed his face as he added, "Recent events have shown that."

"You know there's no guarantee that she'll be able to or want to come back here," George said softly. "You'll be leaving for nothing if that happens."

"Carter's strong," Jack countered. "She's not going to let what happened keep her from what she wants. If she decides she wants to come back here, she will. I'm not going to stay and jeopardize that for her."

"And if she doesn't want to come back?" Hammond pushed.

"Then," Jack said, the word coming on an expelled breath, "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

The General shook his head at the obvious O'Neill avoidance technique. "Just think about all your options, okay?"

A sigh escaped Jack's lips before he conceded and nodded to let him know he would. Holding up the folder, he said, "Thank you, Sir. I'll read over these and let you know what I decide."

"No rush," George breathed out softly to the retreating form.

***SG1***SG1***

Handing the paper in his hand to Teal'c, Daniel picked up the next one. "Think it's safe to say this one's not an option," he retorted, scanning the duties entailed with overseeing north pacific nuclear activity monitoring from Alaska. "Unless you're into mind numbing inactivity, wool and arctic gear," he added dryly.

A tight sarcastic smile plastered itself on Jack's face. "Oh yeah. Ranks right up there with freezing my," he stopped himself from what he was going to say and changed it. "Nose off."

A snort of amusement escaped Daniel. "Been there, done that?" he jested dryly back, knowing full well, both the answer and what Jack really meant. Shifting to the final piece of paper, he said, "That leaves, let's see, Del Rio, Texas. Training new pilots." With a slight rocking of his head and pursing of his lips as he considered the potential, he added, "Thinking of new ways to torment cadets and new officers? Might be fun for awhile."

"If you are to train pilots, I believe Nellis Air Force Base is a better choice for you, O'Neill," Teal'c stated, laying the paper he had been reading down. "To win this battle, we will need exceptionally well-trained pilots to fly the F-302s. They could benefit greatly from your wisdom and experience."

"And you could prepare them for when it goes wrong too," Daniel quipped, only after the fact realizing how that sounded by the look from both Teal'c and Jack. "Not that... that would happen," he added slowly, trying to salvage it. Gesturing, he sighed. "You know what I mean. What does General Hammond think?"

A sigh escaped Jack. "That I'm hurting my career," he confessed. Taking longer than necessary to shuffle the papers back into the folder, he glanced back up at them as he added, "He thinks I could take over here." The stillness and the slightly panicked look shared between the two men that met his words had him adding, "Yeah, I thought the same thing."

"No, it's not that," Daniel countered. "You'd be good at it," he added giving Jack a tight nod and smile before sobering. "I was more thinking about Sam. About what that might mean for," he stopped, his hand gesturing toward Jack.

Jack scrubbed his hands over his face realizing too late that his actions were probably telling them he had been thinking about it too. A lot. "Yeah," he sighed. "It's bad enough being two ranks between us. If there was three steps _and_ one of them ending in General," Jack did not finish the statement verbally, instead shaking his head.

Daniel frowned. "But if she's not here?"

"Won't matter." Jack cut him off, another slow shake of his head accompanying the words. "Just the fact that she's involved with a General will be enough. There'll always be a question, a hint, that she didn't earn her way."

"MajorCarter is a formidable warrior. I would be most displeased with anyone who disparaged that."

A grin pulled on Daniel and Jack's faces at Teal'c words and tone. A Jaffa vendetta was something not to be tinkered with.

"Me too, buddy," Jack agreed.

"Jack," Daniel said, drawing his attention. Sobering, he asked about the elephant in the room. "What about retiring? Have you thought about that? No one could say anything about Sam then."

Jack paused, his fingers tapping on the paper below them. "I considered it," he said, his voice low. "But," he shrugged. "I would loose access and there'd be no possibility of helping if one of you got in trouble or something," a hand gestured in the air around him, "bigger happens." Flashing a tight smile, he added, "Besides, never was a fan of leaving in the middle of a fight." Sighing, he stood up and tapped the folder on the counter. "Guess it's settled then. Go Lobos."

***SG1***SG1***

The round of chuckles permeating the room caused Matt to smile self-consciously as he shuffled to the middle of the exercise mat. "Yeah, yeah, pick on the civilian," he retorted, shifting the protective headgear cradled in his arm. Gesturing to the padded gear protecting his body, he added, "You didn't think I was going to let you guys pound on me without some protection did you?"

"Wimp," Rick called out teasingly, catching Sam's eye and seeing his own amusement and nervousness reflected in her eyes.

Waving off the taunt, Matt sobered. "Okay. Here's the deal. Each of you," he nodded to the women and men standing around him, "will have an opportunity to do some basic hand to hand moves. We'll start with no take downs and pull your punches," he ordered. "Pair up, okay?"

Shifting of the bodies told the counselor there was mixed feelings among the members. Reading this, he continued. "I just want you to see how you're doing," he offered. "How you'll react, okay? As there's an odd number, I'll be somebody's partner."

Matt watched as the group paired off, some having no apparent issues, while others did so reluctantly. Catching a signal from Nikki across the room, he noted that Carter appeared like she was going to bolt. "Sam?" he called to redirect her. Wide eyes told him she was not doing well with the thought of the exercise.

"Mike, how about you pair up with Wes," Matt threw out, already moving to get closer to Carter. Tipping his head toward her, he made sure she was seeing him, the room for what it was - a hospital gym with a few exercise mats thrown on the floor. Seeing a slight nod from her at his silent question, he glanced over her shoulder at Nikki and gave a slight nod. Refocusing his gaze, he said, "Go easy, Major. It's been a while for me."

Feeling the tension role off of her, Matt gestured for them to move out of the way of others. Placing himself a comfortable distance from her, he turned to watch the rest of the room. "Tell you what, let's make sure everyone else is doing okay first." Waiting a few minutes, he said quietly, "I can ask Leticia or Amy to do this with you if that would help."

"Why?" The question was low, tense.

"Good job, Melissa," Matt called out into the room at the activity going on before he lowered his voice and continued speaking. "Muscle memory is one of the most powerful there is. Every move you make is recorded and stored away to be used in the future. What worked, what didn't, what hurt, what felt good," he said his voice low, confidential. "For most of you, your last memory of this," he gestured to the offensive and defensive moves being made, "didn't turn out like you wanted." Shrugging, he added, "Sometimes the last ones are what's held onto, given meaning. Held up as the new norm."

A snort met his words. "And this will do..."

"Start to replace those memories, kick start the more ingrained ones," he said, glancing at her in his peripheral vision. "Remind your body and mind that not every situation will end up the same." A nervous lick of her lips told him she was weighing his words. An encouraging yell erupted from his mouth at an escape move that would have disarmed an offender. "State wrestling champ or something there, Wes?"

"And if it does?" she asked. A frown crossed her forehead, "End up like last time?"

Turning to face her, he looked her in the eye. "It won't," he said solemnly. "You're safe here, Sam." Letting those words sink in, he refocused his gaze back to the larger group. "It's your choice. We can sit this out today if you need to."

Drawing in a shuddered breath, Sam willed her body to move.

***SG1***SG1***

Coming around the corner, Major Hitch spotted his target and picked up his speed. "Sir," he called out, hoping to get him to stop.

Glancing back at the call, Jack pulled up and turned to wait for the advancing airman. "Major," Jack said in greeting, adding "at ease" when he saw Hitch's arm moving up to salute. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Sir," Hitch replied, falling in step with the superior officer as he continued on his way. "I understand that you are being transferred."

"Yeah, well, you know how it is. Gotta keep it fresh," Jack retorted, waving off the solemness of Hitch's tone. "Going to go fly F-302s. Can't go wrong there."

"Yes, Sir," Jon agreed. Waiting by the elevator, Hitch licked his lips nervously.

"What's on your mind, Major?" Jack asked, reading the desire to say something in the junior officer's countenance.

"I just wanted to thank you, Sir. For what you said after the hearing," Jon said softly. "About not letting what happened destroy everything. To find someway to make up for it." Looking away, he added, "It helped."

Embarrassed, Jack used his foot to rub on an imaginary spot on the floor. "Not a problem, Major," he finally said, meeting his eyes. Clearing his throat, he diverted attention from himself. "The General said you'd asked about getting another team."

"Yes, Sir," Hitch stated. "Maybe resettlement or engineering," he said with a self-conscious shrug. "Somewhere I can give back."

A small smile pulled on Jack's face. "Sounds good," he said quietly. The chime of the bell told him the elevator had arrived. "Gotta go," he quipped, tossing a thumb over his shoulder toward the open doors. "Last day here. Lots to do."

"Sir?" Hitch called one more time to halt him. Waiting until the Colonel had turned back, he straightened. "It's been an honor, Sir."

***SG1***SG1***

"I need a favor."

The quietly spoken words coming through the telephone caused Teal'c's eyebrow to rise. It wasn't the words; rather the hesitancy that rang in the words that drew the reaction. "I am at your service MajorCarter," he said solemnly.

"There's an exercise... we've been doing in therapy," Sam began, blowing out a breath nervously. "Sparring, really," she rushed out, trying to figure out how to explain what had been happening so he could understand what she needed from him. "And next week we're going to change it up, become more physical."

"Physical exercise can be most beneficial," Teal'c stated confidently.

"Yeah, it's helped," she replied, chewing on her lip. "See, the thing is," she started only to stop. The silence lingered on the line.

"MajorCarter? Are you there?"

"Yeah," Sam said low, "I'm still here." Taking in a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, fighting off the instinct to hide her insecurity - her weakness - lest she disappoint him. "I need a partner to practice with before then. Someone I implicitly trust. Someone I know won't hurt me if he pins me to the floor. So I know I can do that without," she blurted out, leaving the rest unsaid. Pausing for only a moment, she added, "Can you come out here for a couple days? To help me?"

Watching from across the room and wondering what was being said, Daniel's eyes widened at the tenderness that appeared on Teal'c features.

"It would be my honor," Teal'c replied softly.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Felt the need to check in on Major Hitch and give some resolution for him. Hope you didn't mind.


	27. Chapter 27

AN: A special shout out to the Guest reviewers. Thank you. One curse word in this section - my bet is you'll be saying a few choice words yourself at that point if you guess what just happened.

***SG1***SG1***

"The nurse said Sam should be in here," Daniel said, gesturing toward a recreation room. Leading Teal'c through the door, the pair paused to scan the area. A grin broke across their faces as she headed toward them.

"Daniel, Teal'c," Sam said, pulling Daniel in for a brief hug first before doing the same to Teal'c. "It's really good to see you both."

"Same here," Daniel said, assessing her. Another smile pulled on his face at seeing significantly less of the 'traumatized Sam' he had escorted to the hospital so many weeks ago.

Gesturing toward the sling, Sam asked, "How's that going?"

Looking down, Daniel nodded. "Good," he answered, releasing his arm to demonstrate his mobility. "This," he added, pulling on the sling, "is more to help it rest than anything now. Another week or so of therapy for strength and I'll be ready to go."

"Colonel Nelson's been doing rehab here," Sam said. "He...uh...told me what happened, why that occurred," she said quietly.

Surprise flickered across Daniel's face as he shared a look with Teal'c. Before he could say anything, Sam changed the subject.

"Come over here, I want to introduce you to some people."

***SG1***SG1***

"It's been a while since we talked," Doctor Rogers said, settling into a chair across from Jack.

Shrugging, Jack waved it off. "Been busy, getting ready to move." Allowing his eyes to drift around the office, he noted the personal effects that made it feel less threatening.

"How long before you report to Nellis?" Rogers asked.

"Week from today," Jack sighed, looking at this hands.

Reading the body language before her, Tiffany pursed her lips. "Excited?" she asked to elicit a response to confirm what she suspected.

Brown eyes flickered toward her. "Ecstatic," he said dryly.

"Ah," Rogers answered, "I can tell."

Jack shifted. "It's for the best, so," he trailed off, his hand dismissing the rest.

"For who?"

"That's for whom," Jack corrected, deflecting the question. A stare pinning him had him relenting. "Look we've been over this. I won't stay there if that means Carter can't. She needs familiar things around her, places, people. I'll be fine."

"Has she told you she's going back?" the doctor asked, a frown on her forehead.

Shaking his head, Jack looked out the window at the hospital grounds that lay beyond it. "If Sam can make it past this, keep going, she'll make full colonel in the next five to seven years. If that happens there's nothing to stop her from earning the stars. The SGC's the best place to make sure it happens." Meeting her eyes, he slowly shook his head. "I won't stand in the way of that."

"But what if that's not what she wants?"

Another shrug met her question. "Won't stand in the way of that either."

Nodding slowly to acknowledge his words, Tiffany pursed her lips. "So," she drawled out, a tight smile settling on her features. "What does Jack O'Neill want?" A glance from him had her adding, "You keep telling me what you think Sam Carter wants or needs; what you're willing to do for her. What are you willing to do for yourself?"

"Doc," Jack countered, reluctance and dismissiveness of her challenges in his voice.

Rogers interrupted whatever else he was going to say. "You realize that if you are only doing this for her, if it's not what you truly want to do, if you are not ready to walk away from a job you love to one that you may be simply tolerating or flat out hate, some part of you is going to end up resenting it, resenting her, especially if she doesn't go back." A slow shake of her head answered the objection to the idea that flashed on his face. "It won't matter what else you feel for her. This will be there too, festering, waiting to come out when you least expect it. So I ask you again, what are you willing to do for yourself to make sure this doesn't happen?"

Watching,Tiffany noted the narrowing of Jack's eyes as he peered at her, assessing her words, meaning, motive. Making sure to keep her face neutral, she returned the stare.

***SG1***SG1***

Raising her face to let the wind caress it, Sam let out a sigh before turning her gaze back to the men with her. "I'm really glad you guys are here," she said again.

Smiling at her, Daniel let his eyes wander across the hospital grounds. "It's pretty here," he noted.

Nodding, Sam's eyes roamed the area also. "Reminds me of a park by my house," she said quietly. Taking in a breath, she added, "Doctor Rogers talking about letting me make a trip back. She wants to see how I'll react being back at the mountain."

"You will be fine," Teal'c assured her, receiving a thankful nod for his confidence in her.

A slight grimace passed across Daniel's face. "Hmmm, guess maybe I better stop by your house and replace those plants I sorta forgot to water."

"You didn't?" Sam said, disbelief and skepticism in her tone.

A chuckle passed Daniel's lips. "No, I didn't," he admitted. "They're fine." His teasing earned him an elbow nudging him in the side. "Those guys," he said, gesturing back toward the building to indicate the people they had been introduced to, "seem nice."

"Yeah, they are. I don't know how much we'll keep in touch when we leave here but," Sam shrugged, "it's been good to have people to kill time with."

"LieutenantWitt seemed especially attentive," Teal'c observed watching for her reaction.

"He's just a friend, Teal'c," Sam replied.

"Jack mentioned Witt when he came back," Daniel observed, castings a sideways glance at Sam to see how she would react. "Think he had his file pulled."

"I asked him to," Sam explained. Two pair of questioning eyes on her had her adding, "He might be a good fit at the mountain," which got gestures from them that they understood it was nothing else on her part.

"There's Jack," Daniel said, catching sight of the man making his way across the lawn.

"Hey," Jack called out coming to a halt by the trio. "We ready to go?"

"Yep," Daniel replied gaining his feet along with the others.

"Almost," Sam said, her movements bringing her closer to O'Neill. "Haven't gotten to say hi yet," she quipped lightly to cover up her nervousness.

Jack ran his eyes over her face trying to read past the hesitancy he saw there to determine what she wanted to happen. While he wanted to hug her, the last time had not gone so well for her. "Hi," he voiced, his tone muted, intimate.

"Hi," Sam breathed back before closing the remaining distance between them, wrapping her arms around him. Feeling his arms slide around her and his head lower to press against hers, she tightened her grip and immersed herself in him completely.

***SG1***SG1***

"General?" Walter called from the doorway. When the General raised his head, he continued. "General Vidrine on line three, Sir."

Picking up the phone, George pushed the button to connect the call. "Hammond." Listening for a few moments, a frown pulled on his face. "Yes, he was sure... No, I don't know that for sure. Doctor Rogers believes it may be possible but Major Carter has given me no indication of what she would like to do." Looking down at the desk, George sat back in his chair and slowly shook his head at what he was hearing. "With all due respect, I disagree. Both of them are consummate professionals who have, in my opinion, paid their dues and have earned the right to do something different both personally and professionally if they so choose to do so." A frown creased his forehead. "I won't do that." Anger flashed over his features. "Well, General," George snapped, knowing the honorific had far too much sarcasm and bite in it to be received well, "we will both have to see about that won't we." Grunting a farewell, George set the handset down a little harder than necessary.

Leaning back, he rubbed his hands over his face. "Sonofabitch."

***SG1***SG1***

"Are you ready MajorCarter?" Teal'c asked, reading the anxiety and tension in his teammate's face and body. He couldn't help but note the difference in her from the person he had sat across the day before at the restaurant. Lowering his tone, he added, "We do not need to do this today. I shall remain as long as necessary."

Licking her lips, Sam nodded sharply to acknowledge the words and the sentiment embedded in them. He would not think less of her if she walked away. "Take it easy, okay?" she said, making up her mind. Trying to force her voice to lighten, she added, "Haven't done this in awhile." When a gentle smile answered her, she blew out a loud breath and stepped onto the exercise mat. She barely had time to stop before a punch came her way. Blocking it, Sam focused her mind on reading and stopping her opponent.

"She doesn't look too bad," Daniel said softly to Jack as the pair watched, leaning against a nearby wall. "A little slower than usual."

Jack grunted to acknowledge the words as he winced at the sound of a punch landing. Reading the moves of each, he knew that while it had sounded bad, it was not delivered with all the power it could have been. It really didn't matter though as he found his hands curling, fingernails biting into flesh to stop his mind from equating the sound to another place and time. Shifting, he fought the instinct to intercede, to stop what was happening.

"Jack?"

The sound of his name snapped his eyes toward the speaker. Recognizing Daniel, he uttered a low "what?" to him as his eyes darted back toward the other two.

He knew the entire purpose of the exercise was to help Carter. He kept reminding himself that it was Teal'c she was with and that she was fine. That did little to quell the feeling that exploded in him at her surprised cry at suddenly finding herself on the floor with Teal'c holding her arms down. A hand on his arm stopped him from advancing.

"You okay?"

Daniel's concerned words pierced his ear. "Yeah, sure," Jack threw back, his voice holding a forced lightness and false conviction. A breath escaped his body as he saw that Teal'c had already gotten up and pulled Sam back to her feet.

"You're sure?" Daniel asked again, a frown creasing his forehead.

A tight nod answered as Jack forced his hands to unfurl. Shifting his stance, he pressed his palms against the cement walls seeking the coolness and texture there to ground him as he watched the pair square up again.

***SG1***SG1***

Rubbing the small crescent shaped cuts in the palm of his hand, Jack dropped it and let his gaze fall back to the television. Flipping through the unfamiliar stations, he tried to ignore the muffled sounds of Sam taking a shower in the ensuite bathroom. When the door opened a few minutes later, he watched her as she came out. "Better?"

A small smile played on her lips. "For now," she said, before a small frown passed over her face. "Not sure how I'll feel later," she added, shifting her shoulders to indicate they were even now a little sore. "Getting soft, I guess," she quipped, easing herself on the edge of the bed next to him. "Daniel and Teal'c not back yet?"

A head shake told her they were not. Glancing at his watch, he added, "Another half hour or so with traffic," he estimated. "Won't take long for Teal'c to shower."

Nodding in agreement, she glance up at the television. "Anything on?"

"Usual," Jack answered, holding the control out to her before hitting the power button at the negative shake of her head. "Unless you'd like to know what to expect after an amputation or watch them do a knee replacement," he added dryly, referencing the current programs on the patient education channels.

"I'll catch them on rerun," Sam intoned soberly, amusement dancing in her eyes to let him know she wasn't serious. When silence descended, a small frown crossed her forehead. "When do you leave?"

Instinctually, Jack knew she wasn't asking about the flight back to Colorado. "Next Tuesday. It'll give me a couple days to get down there and settled."

Nodding slowly, Sam picked at some lint on the bedspread. "Rogers is going to send me to the Mountain sometime soon, to see how I do. It'll be strange to know you're not there."

Jack nudged her hand with his own, offering it up for her. When her palm connected with his, he curled his fingers around it, his thumb brushing the side. "Teal'c and Daniel will likely be there. And Doc will be glad to see you." A small smile pulled on his lips. "And then there's the legion of your other fans waiting to get a glimpse of the great Sam Carter," he teased quietly.

An eye roll answered his quip before she looked at him. "Won't be the same," she said quietly, looking back at their hands. "I don't know if I want to go back," she confessed softly. "And if you're leaving so I can," she broke off, shaking her head to tell him she couldn't stand the thought that he would give up that much for nothing.

A audible sigh escaped Jack at her words. "You and Rogers,' he muttered before reaching over to nudge her chin up to force her to look at him. "I'm not leaving because of you," he said softly, looking straight into her wet blue eyes. "I'm leaving because I need to. It's time."

"And if you hate teaching? If it's not enough?" she choked out.

A shrug met her question. "I'll retire."

***SG1***SG1****

AN2: Hmmm. I'm not sure Jack is being totally honest with himself or Sam right now. Not sure what I think about that.

Okay my friends, bad news. For the next six weeks, I am likely working seven days a week. This means very little time for writing. I will try but I can't promise that a post will be every week or that it will be as long as usual. So, keep thinking supportive mental vibes that the muse finds the energy to be insistent and cooperates in the time I can find to write.


	28. Chapter 28

***SG1***SG1***

"You ready for this?" Doctor Rogers asked softly as she signed into the checkpoint inside of Cheyenne Mountain.

Sam threw her a tight nod as she stared at the elevator. "Have to find out sometime," she replied, her voice low. Behind her she heard the sounds of the security personnel contacting the SGC to inform them of their arrival.

"Ma'am's," the airman on guard duty said after a moment, gesturing to the open elevator.

"Sergeant," Sam answered, snapping off a salute in reply to the one she was given. Stepping inside, she jabbed at the button for the lowest level.

Nervously Sam caught her bottom lip between her teeth. She couldn't tell if the butterflies in her stomach were nerves of anticipation or dread.

"It'll be okay, Sam," Tiffany encouraged her. "I don't expect you to stay long if you don't want to. Just walking back in here is a big step."

Nodding, Sam looked back at the numbers growing on the indicator above her. When they stopped, a breath escaped her. "One down," she murmured stepping out. Moving down the hall to the other lift she swiped her identification card. Seeing a green light appear on the indicator, she turned to look around and looked at the hallways that resembled the lower floors. "Hasn't changed," she murmured.

"Ma'am's," an SF said, greeting the pair as he approached. "General Hammond is waiting for you in his office."

"Thank you, Franklin," Carter replied. "I know the way," she told him as he made a motion to escort them.

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied, falling back.

Watching her, Tiffany waited until they were alone in the second elevator before speaking. "Stop it," she said softly. When Sam's eyes darted to her, she continued. "Stop basing what's going to happen for the rest of your life on this visit." The flush creeping up Sam's face told her she had guessed correctly. Touching her arm to regain her attention she added, "It's one visit, that's all."

A snort met the words. "A visit that will likely be the basis if I decide to return here or not."

Rogers conceded the point. "If you let it be, yes. But is doesn't have to be. You define the meaning to this Sam, no one else." Silence met her words as the elevator opened.

***SG1***SG1***

A knock on the door brought General Hammond's head up. Seeing the two women there, a smile broke out on his face as he came around the desk. "Major, Doctor," he said excitedly, returning Sam's salute briefly before putting out his hand to shake her hand. "It's good to see you, Sam," he said, bringing his other hand up to embrace her hand between his as the man who had known this woman her entire life overtook the soldier. "How are you?" he asked softly,

"Better," Sam assured him, his warmth and concern forcing her anxiety to melt away for a moment. "It's good to see you too, Sir."

Squeezing her hand one more time, he let it drop. Stepping back and gesturing for both women to sit, he moved back to his own chair. "How long will you be with us?"

"A few hours," Tiffany answered, glancing at Sam. "As I explained earlier, this is just a brief visit, to let Major Carter experience the environment again."

Nodding, Hammond heard the unspoken meaning to the words - to see if being here was going to be possible for her. "Well," he said with a tight smile, "you have full access. Anywhere you like."

"Thank you, Sir," Sam breathed. Swallowing, she added, "Are Daniel and Teal'c back yet?" Daniel had called her two days earlier to let her know that they were heading out with SG-11 for a brief run.

"Anytime now," Hammond said, his eyes darting to the clock and calculating how overdue they were. Schooling his features, he added, "I'm sure they'll be glad to see you."

Nodding, Sam looked at Tiffany.

"Shall we?" Rogers asked her, tipping her head slightly toward the door. Seeing reluctant acquiescence, she turned her gaze. "General, if we may?"

"Certainly," Hammond nodded, gaining his feet. "Major, if you need anything please do not hesitate to contact me. Doctor, I'd like to speak with you if possible before you leave."

"I'll come find you," Tiffany assured him.

***SG1***SG1***

"Holy crap," Jack breathed, looking through the window in the door leading to the classroom. It wasn't the quantity of officers waiting for him, it was the fact that they all appeared to be so young.

"May I help you find something, Sir?"

Glancing back at the man behind him, Jack schooled his features. "No, I'm good, Captain." Realizing the officer was waiting to go into the same room he needed to enter, Jack opened the door. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room.

***SG1***SG1***

"Sam!" Janet gushed, moving quickly across the infirmary to envelope her friend in a hug. Feeling Sam tense, she dropped her arms. "Oh, I shouldn't have done that," she blurted out stepping back, distress evident. "I shouldn't have assumed you'd be okay with..."

"It's okay," Sam interrupted, squeezing her arm. "I've missed you too. Have a few sore spots and you managed to find one of them," she added on dryly. Seeing Janet about to shift into her doctor mode, Sam quickly explained. "I'm fine. Sore from working out. Nothing to worry about."

The claxons going off forestalled any further conversation.

Seeing Sam and Janet tense, Tiffany asked, "What's happening?"

"Unscheduled gate activation," Janet snapped, turning to see her staff preparing the infirmary for potential casualties. The announcement of 'Medical team to the gate room' blaring through the speakers had her gesturing for her team to move it. "Let's hope they're not hurt too bad," she said to Sam giving her a tight smile.

"Janet?"

Blowing out a breath, Janet realized her mistake. Closing her eyes briefly, she shook her head chiding herself. "SG-11 is the only team on a mission right now and they're overdue," she explained reluctantly.

"Aren't Daniel and Teal'c..." Tiffany started to ask only to be cut off.

"Yes," Janet answered tensely, her eyes darting briefly to the doctor. Reaching out, she gripped Sam's arm. "I'll let you know."

Watching as Janet darted out the door with several others, Sam fought off the nausea forming in her stomach. "Come on," she ordered, forcing her feet to move.

***SG1***SG1***

"Still no communication, Sir," Walter informed the General.

Looking up, Hammond confirmed that it was SG-11's iris code flashing on the screen over his head. Pressing the intercom, he said, "Look alive down there," before nodding to Walter. "Open it." Hearing the sound of hurried footsteps suddenly stopping, he glanced back and noted the addition of Rogers and Carter in the room.

Getting her first look at the shimmering blue wormhole, Tiffany drew in a sharp breath. She had no idea it would look like that. Watching it, she physically started when a person appeared suddenly from it. Shortly afterward, five more persons emerged from the puddle, pulling slickers from their heads and shaking off water.

"Stand down," echoed throughout both rooms. "Welcome back SG-11. Colonel, report."

"Weather, Sir," Colonel Edwards stated knowing the General would understand he was explaining the reason for their delay. "Place is exactly like we thought. Readings indicated major lodes of naquadah are present and Doctor Jackson says it appears there hasn't been anyone there for hundreds of years. Hell of an electrical storm came up though and we had to wait until the lightening stopped before we could get near the gate. It was messing with the radios too."

Nodding, George let a breath escape. "Roger. Report to the Infirmary. Full debrief at fifteen hundred," he said, letting go of the button. Clamping a hand on Walter's shoulder in shared relief, he turned to find Doctor Rogers speaking softly to a white-faced Major.

***SG1***SG1***

Gripping the glass of water that had been pressed into her hand, Sam lifted it slowly and drank. She let the feel of the cool water slip slowly down her parched throat.

"Better?" Janet said softly, looking up from a kneeling position beside the chair. Seeing that some color had returned to Sam's skin, she slipped her fingers over her wrist, counting the steady beats. Noting that they were significantly slower than they had been when she had been called to the control room, she let the tension in her body relax.

"Yeah," Carter said, sliding the water on the desk in front of her.

Glancing back at Doctor Rogers, Fraiser understood the silent message that it was time for another form of intervention. Gaining her feet, she squeezed Sam's hand. "I'm going to go check on Teal'c and Daniel, get them cleared so they can say hi."

"Thanks Janet," Sam said lowly, giving her a small sad smile. Waiting until the doctor had left the small office next to the control room, Sam scrubbed her unsteady hands over her face. "Gawd," she breathed, dropping them.

"Where did you go?" Tiffany asked, her tone low.

"The planet," Sam breathed. "Then down there," she added, her chin gesturing toward the direction of the gate room. "Flashes, feelings." Glancing toward the doctor, she whispered, "Terror."

Rogers nodded slowly. "Flashes of what?"

"Clinging to the Colonel, guns being pointed at us, yelling. Men surrounding us, blocking our way. Knowing that I would rather die than for it to happen again," she whispered. Shaking her head, she wiped a tear away. "Knowing he would die trying to protect me."

"What do you want to do?" Tiffany said softly.

Drawing in a deep breath, Sam let it out slowly.

***SG1***SG1***

Bounding up the stairs to the control room, Daniel and Teal'c glanced into the attached office. "Walter," Jackson called. "Do you know where Major Carter went?"

Tipping his head toward the large window, Harriman replied, "Down there."

Moving to the window, Teal'c and Daniel exchanged a glance as they gazed down at the woman standing in the gate room. With a slight tip of the head and a nod, they headed down.

Silently greeting the psychologist, they stopped by her side just inside the entry. "How she doing?" Daniel asked quietly.

"Holding her own," Rogers replied, reading Sam's unmoving body.

Stepping forward, Teal'c moved into Sam's line of vision and waited silently.

"Hi Teal'c," Sam acknowledged him, her tone holding a tinge of sorrow.

"MajorCarter," the Jaffa returned.

Sam moved a few steps closer the gate. "You shot us here," she said matter of factly, her gaze dropping to the floor where she and the Colonel had fallen.

"I did."

"You did it to protect us," she stated to let him know she understood.

"I did." Taking a step back closer to her, Teal'c added, "I would not have let anything further happen to you or O'Neill." When she did not respond, he intoned softly, "May I assist you in some manner now, MajorCarter?"

Sam slowly shook her head before she looked at him. "No, but thank you Teal'c. I found what I needed already," she said lowly, turning her gaze back the item that had been so much of her life for so long.

***SG1***SG1***

"And your assessment, Doctor?" General Hammond asked, peering at Rogers expectantly.

"Based on what I saw today, at a minimum, I think she's going to ask for reassignment," Tiffany answered honestly. Seeing the slight wince from the General, she raised an eyebrow. "Sir?"

"What I'm about to say goes no further," the General stated, locking eyes with her to stress his point. Seeing a slight nod in agreement, he continued. "The Pentagon wants at least one of them here."

"Sir," Tiffany started in alarm.

Holding up a hand to halt her, George nodded. "I understand. I'm not asking you to try to convince either of them to agree to it. I'm telling you their expectation."

"And if that doesn't happen?"

A hand rising and dropping to the desk answered her.

***SG1***SG1***

AN: TPTB just keep pulling the strings don't they?! sigh Managed to find a few minutes to get this to you. Thanks for the patience.


	29. Chapter 29

slight language warning

***SG1***SG1***

Rapping his knuckles on the door jam, Jack schooled his features. "You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Colonel, come in," General McCallum said, putting down papers to give him his full attention. Sitting back, the commander of Nellis Air Force Base ran assessing eyes over his latest addition. "How are things going for you?"

"Fine, Sir," Jack answered, a little confused by the question. He had been there a little over two weeks and he had tried to be on his best behavior. "Have you heard something else, Sir?"

"No, no," McCallum quickly replied. "Just checking in," he said, a small smile on his lips to ease Jack's worries. "I wanted to get your opinion on a couple people in your class. It seems others are having some trouble with..." The ringing of the telephone interrupted him. "Excuse me," he said offhandedly as he reached for the device. "McCallum... George! How are things?" The General's eyes darted toward Jack. "As a matter of fact, he's right here." Looking down, he listened. "I can put him on," he said after a brief moment. Listening more, he sighed. "No other way?... What should I tell him?... Okay," the commander said before hanging up the phone.

Looking up, he saw the tension in Jack's frame, understanding he had already surmised who the caller was and that it had been about him.. "You're to report to Cheyenne Mountain, ASAP," McCallum confirmed.

"Did General Hammond say why?" Jack breathed, his heart racing at the possibilities, many of them not boding well for his team or Earth in general.

"I'm suppose to tell you that everyone is okay. He just needs to consult with you on something. Something that can't be discussed over the phone."

Nodding, the explanation did little to ease the sense of dread that seeped into Jack. Forcing his hands to let go of the arms of the chair, he stood. "Sir?" he said, asking for permission to go, his mind already calculating the quickest way for him to get there.

"Granted," McCallum said, "And Colonel, tell Hammond I'm only loaning you out for forty-eight hours. I expect you back."

***SG1***SG1****

Striding down the hallways of the SGC, Jack barely registered the airmen and scientists who darted out of his way, pressing themselves against the walls at attention. It wasn't often they had seen him in anything but BDUs. Seeing him in blue slacks and wind breaker, his white shirt peaking out from under the open zipper, he looked every bit the colonel the eagles on his shoulders told them he was. Mostly however, it was the harsh seriousness of his features that made them move the quickest.

Pausing at the doorway of his former commander long enough to force his breathing to calm, he scanned the room. Seeing Hammond reading, a frown on his features, Jack felt the grip of fear on his soul tighten slightly. "General?"

"Jack," George called, gesturing for him to enter before sliding the paper into a folder. "How's Nellis?"

"Fine," Jack breathed out, coming into the room. Stopping by the chairs, his hands gripped the back of one of them for support. He had hours getting there to conjure up many unpleasant possibilities that may be waiting. "But I doubt you called me here to discuss my teaching techniques."

Chuckling, George stood. "No, I didn't," he sighed, picking up a folder. Looking at it in his hand he pursed his lips weighing the implications of the papers within it. Changing his mind, he shot Jack a tight smile, laying the papers back down. "How about we head out of here, find a drink?" he asked, reaching for his coat.

Jack's eyebrow quirked. "Sir?" he said, his eyes darting between the General and folder that seemed to have significance as to why he had been summoned.

Shrugging on his jacket, Hammond made sure he was looking Jack in the eye. "Just trust me," he said softly.

A wrinkle of confusion crossed Jack's features before they smoothed out. "Always, Sir."

***SG1***SG1***

Reaching out to take the beer offered to him, Jack sat back in the chair, running his eyes around the General's living room. Knowing the older man sat down in a chair across from him, he took a deep breath. "As much as I have enjoyed the chit-chat and all," he said, gesturing to the room to indicate the General's hospitality, "you ready to tell me what's going on?"

Chuckling at his former second, George silently conceded he had kept him waiting for too long. Knowing there was no easy way to say what he had to tell him, he decided to rip the tape off in one blow. "Major Carter has submitted papers," he began. "And I can't accept them unless you agree to come back."

Stunned confusion froze Jack's features. "Excuse me?"

A loud sigh escaped Hammond as he allowed the full effect of the unpleasantness of his task to appear on his face. "It's not my choice, Jack. The Pentagon never intended for you both to leave. They only accepted your transfer request because they thought Major Carter would be back." Taking a long draw on the beer in his hand, he added, "I've been ordered to keep at least one of you, whatever it takes."

"Son of a bitch," Jack breathed, closing his eyes as his head hit the back of the chair.

***SG1***SG1***

"Have you decided what you are going to do now?" Tiffany asked, watching Sam as she toyed with a paper clip she had picked up from the desk. She had noted the sadness that had permeated Carter since she had sent in her paperwork.

"Not really," Sam breathed, her eyes drifting to the hospital grounds outside the window. "I get several offers a year from private companies to consult. Maybe I'll do that," she shrugged. "Or teach," she added, glancing back at the doctor.

Nodding slowly, Rogers pursed her lips. "Will that be enough?"

A frown met her words. "Meaning?"

"Meaning," Tiffany said, shifting in her chair, "you've lived the past how many years on adrenaline, coffee and determination trying to literally save the world from destruction. Plus, what did you tell me? Foremost expert on _the_ most closely guarded secret the military and the world has?" Shaking her head slowly again, she continued. "That's pretty heady stuff to walk away from."

"I think I'll be fine," Sam said, a hint of sarcasm and exasperation in her voice.

"You're sure that some part doesn't feel like you're giving up? That if you walk away now, someone else will be winning?"

Confusion crossed Sam's face. "Why are you doing this?" she said lowly.

"Because you have to be sure, Sam," Tiffany said gently. "Otherwise, you are never going to be happy with whatever you end up doing and it's going to taint everything else you may choose to have in your life. Especially if it happens to be involved in some part of your former life that you regret walking away from." Her eyes pinned Sam to make sure she understood she was speaking about a particular person.

***SG1***SG1***

Scrubbing his hands over through his face, Jack turned away from the window. "Look, isn't it all really moot anyway? My knees aren't going to take a helluva lot more."

"There's other ways you can be involved without going on missions," George reminded him as gently as he could. "As I said before, you could run the place if you want. Otherwise, I'll get them to create some sort of advisory or logistical position for you."

"Paperwork. Lovely," Jack murmured, dropping back into the chair and taking a drink of the lukewarm beer.

A sigh escaped Hammond. "I'm sorry, Jack." Steeling his features, he bit back the bile that etched up his throat, knowing what he had to say next. "I could talk to Major Carter and see if she wants to stay in some capacity, maybe in the lab."

"No," Jack said sharply, resignation settling into his voice. "She's given enough," he added quietly. A shiver ran through him at the thought of Sam being forced back to the mountain and then into going through the Stargate again. Swallowing, he fought the nausea that churned in his stomach at the thought of what could happen to her then. Toying with the label on the bottle for a few seconds until he was sure he could safely speak, he looked up. "When do I need to be packed?"

"Advisor or the whole enchilada?" George asked, a big part of him hating every particle and nuance of the question. The rest of him was relieved he did not have to have this conversation with Sam.

Looking away, Jack ran the question through his head. With everything he had done over the years, he had long given up the dream of making General. At the same time, getting it _this_ way, as a bribe to lure him back, made the acid in his stomach churn again. Turning his eyes back, he shifted slightly before pinning Hammond with his gaze. "I don't want those stars if I haven't earned them."

Shock flickered across George's face. Meeting Jack's eyes, his face softened."You've more than earned them son." Making sure to retain Jack's gaze, he added, "I'll stay as long as you need me to, Jack. If you're not sure, come back as a strategist and I'll keep the chair until you're ready or they're ready to let you go."

A frown pulled on Jack's face at the words. "You wanted to retire."

Hammond dropped his eyes, trying to hide the flash of guilt at his inability to keep this from happening to Jack. "Sometimes," he drawled softly, "sacrifices have to be made."

Jack suppressed the reaction that wanted to escape at the confirmation of Hammond's intention to throw himself on the proverbial stake for him. He considered the older man a close friend and while he may not be able to save himself in this situation, he'd be damned if he'd let him sacrifice himself also. "Guess if I have to stay, may as well get the perks too," he said dryly, his eyes drifting to the stars on the General's shirt.

***SG1***SG1***

"Do you think I'm giving up? Letting someone else win if I don't come back?"

The words coming through the lab's telephone speaker caused Daniel's head to snap up, his eyes colliding with Teal'c's. "Er... why do you ask?" he stuttered out, unsure of what else to say.

"It's something Doctor Rogers asked me," Sam explained.

Licking his lips nervously, Daniel asked the obvious. "And you said?"

"I don't know." Silence came through the line until Sam added, "I sent Hammond my retirement papers."

Daniel dropped his head at the sense of loss the words caused in him. "I'm sorry, Sam," he said softly, his eyes going to Teal'c to see similar sorrow in his eyes. "I know how much this means to you."

"It's okay," she replied, her voice thick. "It'll just mean more time to do other things," she added after clearing her throat.

"Have you spoken with O'Neill about your decision?" Teal'c asked.

"Not recently. A while back he said it was my choice if I came back," Sam replied, her voice low. "He'd be there for me either way."

"As will we."

"Thank you," Sam choked out. After a pause to swallow the lump the words had caused, she continued. "I thought it was for the best, but now, I'm not sure. Part of me wants to stay in, leave open the possibility to come back. So I can prove that I can do it, you know?"

***SG1***SG1***

"Do you want me to tell her?" George asked, handing Jack another beer.

A pained look crossed Jack's face. "Tempting," he breathed out, "but I'll do it." Looking down, he added softly, "She deserves to hear it from me. She was happy I wasn't in the line of fire anymore."

Nodding slowly, George watched as Jack pulled on the bottle label. "You know, this isn't all bad," he said evenly. A skeptical look had him adding, "For you and Sam. The Air Force won't be between you anymore." A softening of Jack features told Hammond that the younger man had had similar thoughts.

"She needs time yet," Jack said quietly, not bothering to deny that they were heading toward a change in their relationship.

"What about you?" George pressed softly, his head tilting slightly in curiosity. "How are you doing with everything that happened?"

A slight shudder passed through Jack at the flashes that popped into his head. "Good days and bad," he quipped, forcing his mind to shove the memories back. Sobering, his eyes drifted to the window. "I'll be okay as long as she doesn't change her mind and wants to come back to the SGC."

A slow nod acknowledged Jack's statement and the unspoken confirmation of the painful emotions that still remained. Looking down, George let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry that I couldn't stop this."

***SG1***SG1***


	30. Chapter 30

Hello! A voice from the deep dark depths of work land here. Well, the six weeks turned into eight and I have had no time to write. So apologies for keeping everyone waiting. Keep your fingers crossed. I think it is easing off now. Here's a short chapter to get both us back into it. There is a language warning on this one as one Jack O'Neill is… well, having a rough day. A huge thank you for the support and understanding while I have had to step away. Hopefully this one isn't too bad. Enjoy.

***SG1***SG1***

Striding into the control room, Jack's eyes darted toward the monitors before he snapped, "Any idea who it is?"

"No Sir," Harriman threw back, his fingers gliding over the keyboard, typing in orders. "No signal yet. No indication of radiation or magnetic waves." He had just finished saying that when his hand went to the earpiece on his head. Looking at the monitor, he confirmed what the tones were telling him. "General, it's SG-10. Hostiles in the area. They're requesting medical."

Snatching the phone off the wall, Jack called for a medical team to get to the gate room. Turning back, he rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension in them. "Open the door," he ordered.

Watching, Jack tensed more with each minute that passed with no one appearing. "Sergeant?" he prodded after what felt like an eternity. Seeing a negative shake of his head, Jack's eyes darted back to the gate. His breathing stopped when the first of the team stumbled through. Captain Shelby was hunched over holding an obviously broken arm to his chest.

Bile pulled at Jack's throat as the man was helped from the ramp and time again stood still while they waited. It seemed like an eternity before another stepped through, a body over his shoulder. "Close it up," rang through the room as Major Hitch staggered under the weight of the body, his own injuries obvious. Falling to his knees, he rolled the person off his shoulders to the ramp. As it was laid out, the lifeless eyes of Major Samantha Carter peered up at the control window.

"NO! CARTER!" Jack screamed, jerking upright. Eyes darting around the vaguely familiar room, he fought to control his labored breathing and orientate himself in the darkness.

Light filtered into the room from the hallway as the door was opened. "Jack?" Daniel said hesitantly. Seeing the remnants of horror and fear on Jack's face, he moved closer cautiously. "It's okay. It was just a nightmare," he said gently, hoping it would help him catalog whatever it was that he had dreamed about as not having actually happened.

Daniel's words and calming tone sank into Jack, helping him to remember he was in his friend's guest bedroom. "Shit," Jack breathed, shaky hands scrubbing over his face to erase the tears and lingering image of Carter that remained before him. Throwing himself backwards, he kept his hands over his face as he felt his heart still trying to beat through his chest.

"You okay?" Daniel's voice was tight, his concern evident.

Lifeless blue eyes continued to haunt him, taunting that he couldn't save her. Her fate was determined and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The screaming in his head from the thought overwhelmed the part that was trying to reason that Carter was safe and would never go through the gate again. His stomach heaved, causing him to scramble out of the bed to dart to the bathroom.

Moving out of the guest bedroom, Daniel winced at the retching sounds emanating from the bathroom. Going back, he rummaged in the dresser to find some spare clothes. Pulling out underwear and a t-shirt, he frowned. He couldn't count the number of times he had known Jack had had nightmares over the years, either being awakened from the muttering and restless movements during it or later from the haggard sleepless face in the morning and the subtle nod from whoever happened to be sleeping near him. That said, never had he heard Jack screaming like he had tonight.

Flushing the toilet, Jack slumped against the wall across from it, allowing the coolness of the tile to seep into his body. He had hoped that maybe he could get through the night without the nightmares happening. Mentally kicking himself for not staying on base or going to his own house after he left Hammond's, he didn't relish the coming questions from his host.

Resting his arms on his knees, Jack leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to force his mind to stop its racing. Grimacing as the image of Sam's lifeless eyes popped back into his mental view, he snapped his eyes back open. "Son of a bitch," he breathed, running a hand over his face again. The nightmares had been all too common lately, but most of the time, they had been about what had actually happened, not this. Not of Sam being dead. The thought sent a shudder through his body and made his stomach roll again. Fighting back the nausea, he took in a shaky breath to try to calm it.

"Jack?" Daniel said knocking on the door. Easing open the door far enough to cautiously stick his head in, he eyed the older man on the floor. "You okay?" Noting the resolute lack of eye contact, he sighed. "Brought you some clothes if you want to take a shower," he finally said when the silence continued. Laying them on the counter, he closed the door.

Grimacing, Daniel moved towards the kitchen, his hands going about the task of making coffee while his mind focused on sounds of movement from down the hall. The coffee was brewed and he was well into his first cup before he heard the shower turn on.

He was on his third before Jack appeared, dressed, with his overnight bag in his hand. "Stripped the bed," Jack said, his voice flat as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard.

"Okay," Daniel acknowledged, glancing at the clock on the wall that told him it was a little after four. "Thought your hop didn't leave 'til after eight?"

Shrugging, Jack leaned against the counter. "Thought I'd head over, see if I could catch an earlier one."

Noting the fact that Jack was looking past him, not at him, Daniel grunted in acknowledgement. Deliberating setting down the mug, he sighed. "You want to talk about it?" A 'what do you think' look made him sigh again. "Jack," he began only to be cut off.

"It was a nightmare," Jack growled in his best surly voice. "I woke up. It didn't really happen. Okay?"

"No, it's not okay," Daniel snapped back, tired and worried enough to respond in the same brusque tone as he had been spoken to. "You look like hell, so this isn't the only night it's happened lately." Jack's flinch told him he was correct. "And I've never heard you scream like that," he added after a moment.

"Yeah, well, you aren't around every night," Jack quipped, his husky, low tone not quite making it the sarcastic, irreverent comment he had hoped for.

Hearing the underlying pain, Daniel felt the anger drain out of him. Running a finger up the side of the mug, he swallowed the lump that had appeared in his throat. "Was it about what happened to Sam?" he asked quietly. Chancing a glance, he cleared his throat not sure how what he was going to say would be received. "You yelled for her."

Bile and coffee etched up Jack's throat at the memory Daniel's words invoked. Averting his face, he forced his body to take a deep breath to try to calm it. Getting up from the chair he had just sank into, he poured out the nearly full cup of coffee into the sink. Knowing that Daniel would keep pushing if he didn't tell him something, he muttered, "close enough." The truth of the statement made him want to heave his guts up again.

Reading the body language before him, Daniel winced. Pushing any more wouldn't help. Licking his lips, he got up and refilled his cup. "You didn't tell me why you had to talk to Hammond," Jackson finally said as he sat back down.

Jack cleared his throat, latching onto the lifeline that had been thrown. "Pentagon's not happy with some of the changes lately."

"And that has what to do with you?" Daniel asked cautiously.

"Carter and me, we're the changes," Jack stated flatly, finally turning around to face the younger man.

"Meaning?"

Jack ran a hand over his face and let out a loud sigh. "Meaning, they want one of us there. Since Carter's retiring," he waved at himself, leaving the rest of the sentence for Daniel to fill in for himself.

"Why?" Daniel said, concern in his voice.

"Hell if I know. Nothing's official yet," Jack said, stopping himself from saying anything further. "Don't say anything to Sam. I'll tell her," he added, his voice dropping.

"She's having second thoughts," Daniel blurted out, wincing as Jack's head snapped up to look at him. "She said yesterday that she wasn't sure she was ready to give up the possibility of coming back."

"That's not going to happen," Jack growled back harshly, a hand running through his hair in agitation.

"You can't know that," Daniel began only to be cut off.

"To hell I can't," Jack snarled, his eyes hard, pupils black. "They're putting me in charge of that fucking hell hole and I'll be damned if I'll have her back there where she'll die."

Shock flashed through Daniel as he watched the vein in Jack's temple throb. He just wasn't sure if his reaction was over the promotion, his apparent hatred of the SGC, that he would deliberately use his position to keep Sam away from something she wanted to do, or the fact that he just equated her being there with death. "Jack," he breathed, not quite sure what more to say. Before he could come up with anything else, a knock on the door interrupted the tension hanging in the air.

Brusquely pushing past Daniel, Jack snatched his bag from the floor. Taking a few steps, Jack stopped and looked back at Daniel still frozen in place. "Thanks for letting me crash," he said softly, the anger draining from him as fast as it had come. "I'll call you in a few days," he said, before opening the door and greeting the airman waiting in the hallway to drive him to the base.

***SG1***SG1****

AN2: Oh Jack, you are not doing well at all, are you? Yikes.


	31. Chapter 31

Greetings. Thanks for your patience. Colonel Jack 'just help Sam, I'm fine' O'Neill has been fighting me and didn't think it was a big deal that he is having nightmares or being delusional that he can control what Sam does. Having to drag it out of him. sigh We got a start at least. I'd say enjoy but this one is rough too.

***SG1***SG1***

"Good morning Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, sliding into the chair across from him. Getting a grunt in response, he looked closer at the man across from him. "You did not sleep well," he observed.

Shaking his head slowly, Daniel let out a sigh. "Jack stayed over," he said.

"I did not see O'Neill yesterday," Teal'c said, a flash of surprise and a little bit of hurt passing over his features that Jack would be on base and not say hello.

"I didn't know he was in town either until he showed up at my place, Evidently, Hammond wanted to talk to him," Daniel explained. "Said he didn't want to open up his house for one night."

Nodding slowly, Teal'c could understand that logic.

"It wasn't exactly a great time," Daniel sighed. A silent inquiry had him adding, "He's having nightmares." Looking up he caught Teal'c's gaze. "He was screaming for Sam."

"I see," Teal'c said somberly, a crease of worry forming on his forehead.

"He, uh," Daniel stuttered, not sure if he should continue or not. Setting down his coffee cup, he blew out a breath. "He wouldn't tell me what it was but from the looks of him, they're happening pretty often. He took off from my place about four thirty. Said he was going to find a early hop back."

Silence descended for a brief time as commissary personnel moved around the pair, shuffling to clear nearby tables. When they had finished, Daniel glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to hear before he leaned forward. "Hammond's evidently leaving," he said lowly. "They're making Jack come back."

Surprise and worry flickered over Teal'c. "In what capacity?"

"In charge." Daniel let out a breath with the words. "I told him that Sam was having second thoughts and he came unglued. Said he wouldn't allow her to come back here."

"That is most unlike him," Teal'c murmured, his mind racing at all the implications.

"I'm worried about him." A grimace passed over Daniel's face. "Just not sure what to do about it."

A hum from Teal'c said he was thinking the same.

***SG1***SG1***

Clenching his jaw, Jack tried to stop his stomach from rolling as he watched the scenery pass and realized he was getting closer to Bethesda. When he left Daniel's earlier, he had intended to just head back to Nellis, but when asking about an earlier flight there, he found a flight ready to head to Andrews. Now, sitting in the passenger seat of a Suburban being driven to the hospital, he began to wonder if it was a mistake.

"Little late now O'Neill," he muttered, a loud sigh escaping him.

"Excuse me, Sir?" the airman driving him asked, flashing the Colonel a curious look.

Waving him off, Jack shifted in his seat as the exit for Walter Reed National Military Medical Center came up. "You can drop me at the front," Jack ordered. "I'll need to be picked up in four hours to get back."

"Yes, Sir," the airman replied, pulling to a stop. Reaching into his pocket, he held out a card. "If you get done sooner, you can call the motor pool and they'll get ahold of me, Sir."

Snapping off a quick salute in reply, Jack got out and headed up the front walk. Signing in and making his way through the security check points, O'Neill headed toward the long term rehab ward. Stopping at the desk to inquire where Sam might be, he was surprised to find Rogers there. "Doc."

Looking up from the chart she was reviewing, Tiffany's eyes widened in surprise. "Colonel O'Neill," she said, rising to move in front of him. "Sam didn't mentioned you would be coming today."

A humorless smile crossed Jack's face. "She didn't know. Sorta last minute. She around?"

Assessing Jack and noting the lines of fatigue and stress on his face, Tiffany frowned. "Everything okay?" His quipped 'oh yeah' didn't do much to alleviate her concern. Nodding slowly, she said, "Sam's in group. Will be an hour or so before she's done. You're welcome to wait in my office," she added, her tone half statement, half unspoken question.

Jack's eyes wandered around the area at the offer. Going to her office invariably meant talking with her, telling her what was going on. As much as he didn't want to do that, a part of him knew it had to be done. Wincing slightly at the thought, he brought his gaze back to the psychologist. "Yeah, okay," he agreed softly.

Following her to her office, Jack dropped his hat into a chair before moving to the window to look out. "Nice view," he murmured, killing time.

"I enjoy it," Tiffany answered, easing into her chair, watching him. "I get the feeling that you didn't come in here to talk about that though."

"You know, that's what I've always liked about you Doc," Jack quipped, "No messin' around. Right to the point," he threw back at her. A raised eyebrow at his delaying tactic had him conceding with a shrug that he had been caught doing exactly that. Looking back out the window, silence hung for a few minutes before he spoke again. "I'm being transferred back to the SGC. Promoted to the big chair, red phone, the whole works," he added, his attempt at humor coming out dark, heavy.

The bitterness in Jack's tone brought a frown to Tiffany's face. Watching him, she noted the defeated slump in his shoulders. "You don't want to go back."

"They don't care what I want," Jack said, his voice thick, low. Straightening his back, a sigh escaped him. "It has to be this way."

"So Sam isn't ordered back." Her statement brought Jack's eyes to her. Watching as his eyes narrowed, assessing her, she slowly nodded. "Hammond told me when Sam and I were there last week," she confirmed.

"Carter knows?" Jack's question was sharp, brittle.

"No," Rogers answered. "Hammond told me in confidence so I would know just in case." His tone had intrigued her. "Why? Don't you think she has the right to know?"

Shaking his head, Jack leaned against the window. "Daniel said she's having doubts about retiring."

Surprise flashed across Tiffany's face. "She tell him that?" she asked, mentally going through conversations to determine if she had said anything similar to her.

"Evidently," he breathed before his voice hardened. "That can't happen. Especially now."

Studying him, she saw fatigue and a sense of despair etched into his features. Watching as a shudder passed through him, Rogers tipped her head toward the chair across from her. "Come tell me what's keeping you up at night."

Catching her eye for a moment, Jack contemplated the offer she had just made. Maybe it was time to quit running from himself. Moving slowly across the room, he slipped off his jacket and dropped it on the back of one chair before he almost collapsed into the other. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes for a moment before staring at the ceiling. When he spoke, his voice was low, pained, thick. "What happened. What could happen."

"To you or to Sam?" Tiffany said, her tone carefully modulated.

A snort met her words. "Is there a difference?"

"You tell me," Rogers countered. She let the silence linger for a few minutes before she spoke. "A couple weeks ago you were okay with Sam going back."

A wince passed across Jack's face. "I thought I was." A sigh escaped as he added, "It's the best place for Carter career wise. With me gone, she can take command of the team, prove her ability."

A slow nod answered him. "Best for Major Carter, but not for Sam?"

A finger traced the seam on the arm of the chair. "SG-1... the four of us... we've been together longer than anybody else in that place. Other teams, they had members that were killed, injured or requested to be transferred."

A flash of surprise crossed Tiffany's features before she tipped her head. "Didn't Doctor Jackson die?"

A small smile pulled on Jack's face as he conceded the point. "He came back so doesn't count."

"You requested to be transferred."

"I did," Jack sighed, his eyes traveling back to the floor. "Hellavu lot good it did."

"You certainly had your share of injuries," Tiffany replied. Narrowing her eyes in thought, she added, "So if Daniel's death didn't count, and they won't let any of you transfer out, you think that leaves, what? One of you dying permanently?" Seeing a twinge of his jaw, she amended her question into a statement. "One of them dying." Another flinch told her she was almost correct. "You ordering one of them to their death." Watching him struggle to swallow told her she had found it.

***SG1***SG1***

Pausing outside Hammond's door, Daniel shuffled nervously, not convinced what he was about to do was the right thing or not. Blowing out a nervous breath, he rapped on the door, waiting to be acknowledged. Hearing the General indicate he should enter, he opened the door. "General," he greeted the older man.

"Doctor Jackson," Hammond acknowledged him, waving for him to come closer. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh, Jack stayed with me last night," he replied in a rush of breath. "He, uh, told me what's going on, the Pentagon, him, you."

Pursing his lips, George nodded slowly. "And?"

"Sir," Daniel said, taking a step closer. "Jack's not doing so well. This," he paused, his eyes darting away for a moment, "He's been having nightmares, not eating. I'm not sure this is the right thing for him."

***SG1***SG1***

"You've ordered them into situations where they could have died before," Rogers asked, her voice calm.

A slight lift of his shoulder conceded the point. "I was there to help them if things went bad."

"You're not there now."

A wince passed over Jack's face at the statement. "Teal'c will look after Daniel. They can take care of themselves.

Tiffany tilted her head. "And Sam can't?"

"Carter's one of the best," Jack snapped back immediately.

"Then what's the problem?"

Looking away, he licked his lips nervously. "I can't risk going back to that place." A tilt of Roger's head told him she wasn't following him. "She begged me to kill her," he said, his voice low, haunted.

"You think she wanted to die," Tiffany reiterated softly. Looking away from the pain she was seeing, her instinct of what she needed to say battled with her professional training. Making up her mind, she let out a small sigh. "When I was held prisoner in Iran, I was where Sam was at." Jack's eyes darted towards her, his body still. "After the usual beatings, waterboarding, sleep depreciation, etcetera," she waved her hand as a slight nod of Jack's head indicated he knew what she was referring to, "they," she paused, clearing her throat. "They tied me down so they could take turns, whenever they wanted." Looking away, she fought the acid burning her throat. Taking a deep breath, she looked back at him. "They left me there for over two weeks."

"Jesus," Jack choked, anger and sorrow at what she had gone through tearing through his chest.

"When the extraction team came in, I was so weak I couldn't stand let alone walk or do anything else. I begged them to kill me, to make it all go away." Tiffany swallowed, looking down at her hands and forced them to relax. "I... At the that moment, I couldn't fathom that I was worth anything anymore. The emotional and physical pain was unbearable and I couldn't see that it would ever end. And if that was all that was left," an apologetic shrug finished the sentence. Clearing her throat again, she shifted in her chair. "It was the only way I could see escaping it."

Launching himself from the chair, he stood in front of the window. When he spoke, his voice was low, rough. "You're not exactly making a case for me letting her to go back out there." A snort of dry amusement caused Jack to glance back.

"That's not up to you," Tiffany challenged as gently as she could locking eyes with him. "It's always been Sam's choice and if you care anything for her, you'll let her have it, especially now."

"And if she ends up dead or it happens again?" Jack rumbled, his voice holding a hint of challenge to hide the fear.

Tiffany sighed, looking away for a moment before she looked back. "All I can tell you is that Major Samantha Carter did not get to where she is without a lot of crap from others telling her she couldn't do it. She said you never did that to her. If you start now, what do you think is going to happen to your relationship?"

A frustrated sigh escaped Jack as he ran a hand down his face and his shoulders slumped. "I killed her once before. If we hadn't found a way to bring her back," he stopped, unfocused eyes on the wall behind her. "I couldn't see going on after that." His confession was hoarse, pained.

"Then you understand what she was feeling, why she asked for you to stop the pain," Rogers breathed. Tipping her head, she had a feeling there was something else driving the Colonel's reaction. "Besides that, what else do you remember the most about Sam when she was there? What do you dream about?"

A grimace passed over Jack's face. "Her screaming for me to help her," he said, shaking his head, clearing his throat. "That I had to protect her, whatever it took."

"And you haven't let that go," she stated the obvious.

A snort escaped Jack as he looked down at his hand, rubbing faint scars of fingernail gouges in his palm. "A couple weeks ago when Teal'c was sparring with her," Jack shook his head. "It was all I could do to not jump in there and rip his head off."

"You've never allowed yourself to think of her as being vulnerable until then, did you?" When his eyes darted up to her, she clarified, "On the planet."

An apologetic shrug answered her. "Not in a long time. She was my second. She had to be an officer before anything else... confident, capable, smart, loyal, willing to do whatever it took to achieve the mission objective." A smile pulled on his lips. "A hell of a shot."

A smile answered him before she spoke. "None of that has changed," Rogers stated, watching as the smile fell from Jack's face as she said that. "But for you it has."

Jack shifted. "Part of me knows," he said, the words drug out, spaced, "she's still all of that." A sigh escaped him. "But..." He stopped, shaking his head, telling her he didn't have the words.

"But now she's a woman first, officer second?" she offered.

"Maybe," Jack grunted, coming back to the chair. Leaning on the back of it, he looked down at his cover. "I can't help wondering what happens the next time she's on some backwater planet with some egomaniac who decides she's going to be his next bride. Does she fight him like she used to or is she...," he broke off shoving himself upright blowing out a breath. "Seeing her like that," Jack shook his head beginning to pace.

"Like what?" Rogers asked, watching him as he moved around the room.

"Terrified, helpless, broken," he threw out harshly. "Pick one."

Rogers nodded her head slowly, thinking it was a fair assessment. "You're not sure she can come back from it." A faltering in his step told her she had guessed correctly. "Why not? Because she's a woman?" A 'come on, you know better than that' look from him altered her approach. "You did it. I did it. Why can't Sam?"

"How many times?" Jack rumbled, "How many times can somebody be expected to do that?" Stopping at the window his shoulders slumped as he stared sightlessly out of it.

The strained, haunted words sent a chill down Tiffany's back as a lump jumped into her throat. Swallowing, she shifted slightly before she spoke. "We're not talking about Sam anymore are we?"

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Thanks for your continued patience. I will finish this story. Still not able to write as much as hoped right now.


	32. Chapter 32

AN: Two words here folks: raw pain. No one is having a good day. Be warned.

Also, realized today some reviews may not have been sent to my box so I may not have answered them. My apologies to anyone who signed in and reviewed and you did not receive a reply. I feel strongly that if you take the time to send me your thoughts, I need to take the time to thank you. For guest reviewers, I can only say thank you here. I appreciate each and everyone review. They keep me going and challenge me to do my best.

***SG1***SG1***

"I see. No, no. I was probably misinformed," General Hammond stated into the telephone. "I'm sure he's still here." Grunting an absentminded farewell, George slowly set the telephone on the base. Pursing his lips, he snatched it back up and dialed an internal extension. "Sergeant, contact Peterson. I want to know if Colonel O'Neill is still there and if not, where the hell he went."

Flickering his eyes up to the archeologist standing on the other side of his desk, he read the stunned expression that had likely been on his own a few minutes earlier. "Seems you are correct Doctor that Colonel O'Neill is not acting as he should be," the General rumbled. "As far as Nellis is concerned he is still here." A sigh escaped him. "He signed off the base at oh-five-fifty this morning."

Looking down, Daniel swallowed the guilt that crept up his throat. He may have just gotten Jack into all sorts of trouble. Licking his lips, he glanced over the rim of his glasses to measure Hammond's response. Seeing a sad reflective visage, he cleared his throat. "Sir, he likely went to see Sam. To talk to her. Tell her what's happening."

A slow nod met the words. "Doesn't change the fact that he's put himself and me in a hell of a place."

***SG1***SG1***

"Okay, anyone else have anything for today?" the group facilitator asked, running eyes around the group. "Melissa? Wes? Sam? You guys have been quiet today." Getting negative head shakes from two of the three, Matt frowned. "Sam?"

Startling at the sound of her name, Carter's eyes snapped up towards the speaker. "I'm sorry?" she said confirming she had no idea what was asked.

"Anything to add?" Matt reiterated softly, reading the tension in her body.

"No, no," Sam stuttered, looking around apologetically.

"Okay. Everyone have a good rest of the day if I don't see you later," Matt replied, gaining his feet. Catching his co-facilitator's attention, he nodded slightly toward Carter.

"Sam," Nikki called, "can you hang on a minute?"

Halting her hurried progress out of the room, Sam swallowed hard before turning to face the woman who had called. "Yeah, sure," she said, the careful, polite smile on her face barely concealing the reluctance.

"You okay?" Nikki asked moving closer. Seeing the dark shadows under her eyes and reading the slight flinch at the question, she cocked her head. "Wanna talk?" she offered.

"No." The word came out rushed, firm. Drawing a steadying breath, Sam closed her eyes briefly. "Just a bad day, okay?" she choked out.

Nodding slowly, Nikki glanced away to give Sam a moment to collect herself. "Those happen," she murmured. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me," the counselor added, relaying she wouldn't push the matter.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sam nodded before escaping the room. Drawing a shaky breath, she tried to appear calm as she moved through the hallway. Darting into her hospital room, she fell back against the door and closed her eyes.

She quickly realized that was a mistake as flashes from the nightmares that had plagued her all night popped again into her head. A leering face hovered in front of her, taunting her about what he was about to do. The muscles in her body rippled at the memory of trying to fight off the attack.

A whimper escaped her throat as she threw herself away from the door to the window, frantically trying to get it open. Unable, she spun looking for something to break it with. As her eyes landed on the door, she rushed to it, yanking it open to escape the room. Moving quickly down the hall, she watched covertly the people she passed to make sure they were not going to stop her. Finally making it to the doorway the led to the grounds, she barely acknowledged the nurse calling to her as she darted out the door.

The feel of the sunshine on her skin and the fresh air seeping into her nose and lungs permeated her mind allowing the memories to slip away in pieces with each breath. Feeling her body shaking from the force of the emotions running through her, she staggered toward a bench to sit down.

***SG1***SG1***

"Jack?" Doctor Rogers called to the apparently broken man at the window, waiting for an answer if the statement he had just made was for him or for Sam. Watching, she noted how his body suddenly stiffened, his head snapped up, his features morphing from grief to concern. "What is it?" she said, coming to her feet. Before she made it, the telephone on her desk chimed.

"Carter," Jack exhaled on his way past her to the door. Vaguely he heard her answer the telephone before he made it out of the room. Laying a hand on the arm of a passing nurse to stop her progress, he snapped, "How do I get out there?" his arm pointing through the open door toward the grounds outside the window.

Startled, the nurse pulled instinctively back at the barked order. "End of hallway, right. Door about two thirds way down, Sir," she blurted out, the man moving even before she finished speaking. Catching movement in her peripheral vision, she spun to look at the psychologist. "Should I call security?"

"No," Rogers breathed. "I know where he's going," she added softly watching as he quickly disappeared from view.

***SG1***SG1***

Darting out the door to get to the hospital grounds beyond it, Jack forced himself to pause to take a breath. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the adrenaline of seeing Sam in distress triggered an autonomic response to get to her. Looking around to get his bearing, he strode toward the direction he had last seen her.

Coming around the corner of the building, he almost staggered at the sight of her on a bench, her torso on her thighs, arms over her head, a broken soul curled into itself. "Damn it," he breathed.

Forcing himself to stop several steps from her, he flinched at the shaking he could see. "Carter," he called softly, not wanting to scare her further and cause her to lash out, but needing to let her know he was near; that she had a lifeline to cling to if she needed it. "Sam," he repeated, slightly louder. "I'm going to sit beside you, okay?"

Easing down but being careful not to touch her, he swallowed as she did not move. Not sure if he should touch her or not, he decided the best he could do was use his voice as an anchor for her. "Bad day," he murmured, a sigh escaping him. "Seems to be going around," he breathed, a hand sweeping down his face as the adrenaline that drove him to get to her suddenly vanished leaving fatigue in its wake. Looking down at his hands, he frowned at the slight tremors he saw in them. "Was just talking to Doc myself," he admitted, his voice low.

"Spent the night at Danny's place. Wasn't exactly a perfect guest," Jack confessed, a frown pulling on his face. "Probably owe him something," he breathed, his eyes drifting back to activity around him. "Hammond called me back to talk over some stuff and couldn't get a flight back until this morning."

A snort escaped him. "Hell, I'm technically AWOL," he said, his voice dry, lacking concern as the thought hit him. "Was suppose to be going back to Nellis and got on a plane for Andrews." A wince passed across his face. "Forged Hammond's signature and everything."

"Maybe they'll figure it out and let me go now," he breathed, his voice tired. Looking around the grounds, he felt her shift slightly at the words. "They're making me go back. To the SGC," he clarified, a flash of pain passing through him as the words escaped. He hadn't meant to say them just yet. "Damn it," he uttered, his eyes darting toward her and locking with the blue startled eyes looking at him. "Suppose to be making you feel better, not dumping my crap on you too."

"Why?" The brittle, hushed word floated between them.

A puff of air escaped Jack as he tried to find the words. "Cause you don't need it now." A whimpered sound from her told him she wasn't asking about that. Closing his eyes at the memory of the last time he had heard that sound - her body pressed into his, her begging him to not make her get back on the table she had been raped on - Jack slumped as emotional pain ripped through him. The feel of a hand on his snapped him back to the present. Turning his hand, he watched her fingers intertwine with his. "Pentagon wants one of us there," he said, pain, fatigue and a tinge of fear etched into each word.

Tension flowed into his hand from her. Tightening his grip, he knew what she was going to say. "No way, Carter," he growled, his voice harsh. Feeling a flinch, his shoulders sagged. As much as he hated to say it, he knew he had to tell her why. "A while ago, when I went after SG-3, you said you couldn't do this," his chin jutted to the hospital, "if I was going on missions. That there had to be a chance for us or you'd never make it through." His eyes darted to her face to see if she was remembering.

"Still can't," Sam choked out, desperation leaking into her tone.

Nodding, Jack locked eyes with her and silently told her he felt the same. "Hammond has recommended I be promoted and put in charge," he told her. "I won't be going on missions. I'll be sending others." A wince passed over his face knowing the possibilities of injury and death it posed for every person he would order to step through the gate. "You can't be one of those," he added, his voice heavy, thick. Seeing a flicker of something in her eyes, he slowly shook his head. "It'd kill me if," he choked out, the raw agony coursing through him from the meaning of the unsaid words not allowing him to finish the sentence.

Tears tumbled from Sam's eyes as she tried unsuccessfully to stop the sob that wanted to escape. Nodding her understanding, she pulled her hand free from his to pull him close. Burying her face into his neck, she felt a shudder run through him as her tears trailed across his skin.

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Everyone go to their happy place please. Need it after this one.


	33. Chapter 33

AN1: Hey…. er… Hi. Ahem. Remember me? Popping in for a brief bit. Thanks for staying with this and for the patience. I'm glad folks took care of themselves last time. This one isn't as hard to read… I think. The first section probably should have been on the previous chapter, but… you have it here. :) enjoy

***SG1***SG1***

Resting his head on Sam's, Jack tightened his arms. Her tears had stopped at least he noted as he trailed his fingers in lazy circles against her back. "Daniel said you were thinking about staying in."

A movement of her shoulders told him she was unsure. "Don't want to regret walking away," she confessed, her voice rough. "Feels like they beat me."

Urging her back so he could see her face, Jack nodded. Noting the physical and emotional fatigue etched into her face, he swallowed what he was going to say. "You're tired," he uttered softly. "Let's go," he added, pulling them both upright.

Staying silent until they had reached Sam's room, Jack eased the door shut behind them and leaned against it as he watched Sam sink to her bed. "You gonna be able to get some sleep?"

A grimace passed over her features answered him. Looking up, she tipped her head toward him. "From the looks of it, you haven't had a lot of luck lately either."

An ironic smile pulled on his lips at getting caught at his own game. "Noisy there," he quipped, his eyes not matching the humor of his words.

Biting her lip for a minute, she released it as she held her hand out to him. After a moment, he took a couple steps forward and took it. Retaining her grip, she scooted back in the bed pulling him with her.

"Sam..."

"Please?"

A breath escaped him as he surrendered. "Need to set an alarm," he uttered, pulling on his hand for her to release it. Setting his watch, he laid on his side beside her. "Go to sleep," he said softly.

***SG1***SG1***

The sound of his rank being called snapped Jack's eyes open. Orientating himself that he was in Sam's hospital room, he checked to see if she was still asleep before lifting his head toward the speaker.

Seeing Jack's eyes focus on her, Doctor Rodgers tipped her head toward the open door. "There are a couple SFs looking for you."

A sigh escaped him as he nodded. Focusing back on Sam, he tried to ease the hand she had captured earlier from her grip. The movement started her awake. "Easy," Jack murmured. "Time for me to go," he added, giving her hand a squeeze before he pulled away.

Rolling off the bed, he stretched before moving to the bathroom. When he came back out, he noted that Sam was sitting up, her eyes locked on the personnel standing At Ease outside the door.

Accepting the coat and hat in Rogers' hand, he stepped into Sam's line of sight. "Hey." Waiting until her eyes met his, he tilted his head, assessing her body language. "Okay?"

Locking eyes with him, Sam nodded. "You?" she asked her eyes flitting to the soldiers and then to him.

A humorless smile pulled on Jack's face as he slipped on his jacket. "As said earlier, maybe they'll figure it out now," he repeated. Moving closer to the bed, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her brow until she shifted and raised her face toward him, pressing her lips to his. Reluctantly, he pulled back after a few seconds. Brushing his fingers down her cheek, he said softy, "I'll have someone call you later."

Settling his cover under his arm, Jack squared his shoulders and stepped into the hallway. Snapping back the salute the two men gave him after coming to full Attention, he raised an eyebrow. "Airmen?"

"Sir," one of the SF's stated. "General Hammond has ordered you to return to Cheyenne Mountain ASAP." Stepping to one side, he added, "Plane is waiting at Andrews, Sir."

"Then we better go," Jack drawled, glancing back at Sam as he took his first step.

***SG1***SG1***

Feeling the plane begin his descent, Jack shifted to sit up. Yawning and looking at this watch, he was surprised he had slept for the three-hour flight. Flexing his back and neck, he glanced at the SF sitting across from him on the plane. The very fact that he was being escorted told him how mad the General was at him.

A part of him knew he had screwed up. A part of him didn't care. A wince passed through him as the thought of how he had let one of the men he respected most in the galaxy down. It truly had not been deliberate in that respect. Perhaps the best he could do now was not fight whatever was to come.

Striding down the hallways of the SGC, Jack ignored the curious looks of passing personnel wondering why the former second in command was being escorted by two SFs. Coming to a halt outside the General's office he heard the yelled 'come' answering the knock the SF had performed. Moving in tandem with the other two, Jack noted Hammond's clenched jaw and hard eyes, confirming that the next several minutes were not going to be pleasant.

"Airmen, you're dismissed," George snapped, deliberately laying down the pen he had been using. Pausing only long enough to allow the other two men to exit, he raised his eyes toward his former second. "Attention!" he barked, his voice harsh, cold.

Snapping his heels together, Jack pulled his shoulders back, raised his chin, focused his eyes on the wall beyond the General, and waited.

***SG1***SG1***

"You're feeling better," Rogers stated, running eyes over Sam's pale features. When blue eyes came up, she added, "Than you were earlier today. Calmer."

"Slept some. He helped to ground me, get out of my head." The words were softly spoken, telling. Eyes flickered down. "Push the memories back."

Tiffany nodded. "He's had a lot of experience doing that for himself. Makes sense he would know how to help you." The tone brought Sam's eyes back to her. When she didn't immediately speak, the doctor tilted her head. "What?"

"I need to go back," Sam stated, her shoulders squaring back.

A frown pulled on Tiffany's face. "To the SGC?"

A shrug met her question. "Colorado," Sam breathed. "Maybe Nevada."

"For what? To work?"

"Maybe." The word was soft, uncertainty tingeing each syllable. A wince passed her face. "I don't know," Sam breathed. "Not right away," she amended, her eyes darting down before coming back up. "Just leaving the possibility open for a bit."

Rogers tipped her head. "For you or for the Colonel?"

A humorless smile passed over Sam's face. "Is there a difference?"

The memory of Jack using the same words earlier in the day echoed in Tiffany's head. Reflexively, she answered the same. "You tell me." When Sam barely shook her head, Tiffany let a small smile settle on her face. "You're not sure are you?"

Sam licked her lips nervously. "The military has been my life. When I walk away from it, it has to be on my terms not because of what happened."

***SG1***SG1***

"What the hell were you thinking?" Hammond barked, shoving a copy of the travel authorization Jack signed into his face. "I could have your ass for this." Spinning away from the younger man, he tossed the paper on the desk and blew out a breath. Stilling a thought hit him. "Or is that what you want?" Turning back around, he ran assessing eyes over the Colonel. "It is, isn't it? You want me to bring charges so they'll kick you out." George watched as the subtle movement of Jack's throat as he swallowed told him he was at least partially correct. "Damn it, Jack," he growled, another surge of anger sweeping through him. "What the hell do you expect me to do with that?"

Brown eyes cut toward the General. "Your job, Sir."

The flatly spoken words stabbed at Hammond and added fueled to the edge of his anger. Moving around the desk, he yanked the phone from the cradle and ordered security personnel to report to his office.

***SG1***SG1***

"How much longer will I have to stay here?" Sam asked, looking back over her shoulder at the doctor. As she was waiting for an answer, her eyes drifted back out the window she was standing in front of.

"I was going to speak with you about that, but wasn't sure you were ready to hear it today," Tiffany replied. When Sam nodded slightly, she continued. "I think you're ready to go back home. Not to work," she added quickly, to clarify, "but home."

A subtle shifting of Sam's stance told her she was absorbing the news. A frown etched into her forehead. "Then what? If today happens again?"

"We'll continue to touch base by phone. You can come here occasionally, I'll fly out," Rogers offered. Seeing a slight nod, she added, "I can give you the name of someone in Colorado you could actually see if you prefer."

"Phone's fine," Sam said. Coming back to the chair, she paused. "There's still things," she began only to stop when the doctor nodded.

"Journey, remember," Tiffany said gently. "There is always going to be something, some situation we haven't talked about or days like today," referencing her earlier panic. "You have the tools, Sam. Use them. Let yourself lean on others when you need to and I'm just a phone call away."

***SG1***SG1***

A knock on his door brought Hammond's head up. "Come," he called, not really wanting visitors but knowing he had to do his job.

"Sir," Daniel said, stepping into the office followed by Teal'c.

"Doctor, Teal'c," Hammond said flatly, sitting back in his chair. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh, yeah," Daniel began, darting eyes toward Teal'c before returning to the General. Reading the flat affect of the older man, he swallowed. "We were wondering about Jack. Rumor has it he was brought here but then escorted off the base."

A slow nod answered the question. "Rumor would be correct."

"And?" Daniel asked taking a step closer. "Escorted where? Is he in trouble?"

"Colonel O'Neill was placed on a plane for Nellis," Hammond said sharply, picking up a pen. "Anything else?" he said, his tone telling them he was done with the conversation.

Swallowing, Daniel locked eyes with Teal'c. A subtle nod had him turning his attention back to the General. "And the...er..." his arm making a sweeping motion away from him.

"That matter is still under consideration."

Watching the General, Teal'c caught the subtle dropping of his shoulders with the words. "GeneralHammond, O'Neill respects you. He will understand whatever you need to do."

A sarcastic chuckle escaped the General. "That's the damn problem Teal'c. He wants me to do what the Pentagon couldn't." A slight tilt of the Jaffa's head had him adding, "Destroy his career. Send him packing with a scarlet letter so they can never call him back." Sorrow etched its way into his features. "I'm not sure I can do it."

Daniel licked his lips nervously. "You can't to that to him or they won't allow you to do that?"

A ironic snort met his words before a sigh escaped. "Maybe both."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Sorry but it was bound to happen that George was going to have to let some of his feelings out. The General has been there through all of this and he has worked so hard to protect Jack every step of the way. Now, Jack goes and does something like this. What's a commanding officer turned friend, mentor and father figure to do?! Thanks for sticking with it.


	34. Chapter 34

AN: A huge thank you to everyone for their patience and support. Life has been… well, difficult.. and seriously hindering my ability to write. My apologies for this. Hopefully things will turn around. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Please also see the note at the bottom.

Don't think this one needs any special warnings outside usual ones.

***SG1***SG1***

Stepping off the plane onto the tarmac, Hammond snapped off a salute to acknowledge those he was receiving. "At ease," he murmured.

"Car is over here, Sir," the airman who was going to drive the three star around stated, gesturing toward a non-description black sedan nearby.

"Very well," George stated, heading toward it. Sliding in, he waited until the driver was buckled in before he spoke. "I need to go here," he stated, handing the driver a piece of paper.

"No problem, Sir," the airman acknowledged, sliding the address under the edge of the clip on the dash.

Watching as the scenery passed by him, George felt sorrow begin to pull at the edges of the anger that he still held over the way Jack had tried to manipulate him. A sigh escaped him as he thought about the lines that had been drawn and crossed since that time.

Lines that would either fix a portion of the damage or finish shattering the fragile shards that were left. A shudder passed through his chest at the thought.

***SG1***SG1***

"Hey, thought you were going to sleep in the bed?"

Hearing the softly spoken words, Sam fought to open her eyes to peer at the speaker. Focusing on the man sitting on the coffee table, she blinked sleepily. "Didn't make it there," she murmured, stretching her legs out. "What time is it?"

"Almost thirteen hundred," Jack murmured, brushing back the hair from Sam's face. He wasn't surprised she had crashed out after she had showed up at 0530 unannounced. From the look of her she had been up for several days. He had simply let her in and watched as she paced around the house, fighting off the adrenaline that had been keeping her going. When she began to sag, he wrapped her in his arms and pulled them both down to the couch until it was time for him to leave. "Just stopped in to see if you had found something to eat."

"Not yet," she breathed, rolling over. A frown crossed her face. "Flight suit?"

"Training run this afternoon," Jack replied, pulling on her hand to help her sit up. Watching her settle back and rub the sleep from her eyes, he said, "Not that I'm complaining, but didn't expect to see you this morning when I opened the door."

A shrug met his words as her eyes drifted away from him. She had been released two days prior from Bethesda to arrive in the Springs to a house that seemed too quiet. "Teal'c and Daniel are gone," she offered, throwing him a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Seemed like a good time to see your new place." A murmured sound told her he wasn't convinced that was the whole story. Moving to get up, she had barely gained her feet when a tug on her hand stopped her from moving away from the couch.

"Carter."

The soft call of her name caused her to swallow and a sigh to escape. "The house felt," she trailed off and shook her head. Looking away she swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat at the confession. "Guess I'm not ready to be by myself as much as I think I am," she whispered.

Running his thumb over the back of her hand, he kept his eyes down to give her time. "Mi casa es tu casa," he murmured, the forced lightness not quite covering the nervousness and concern under it. Raising his eyes, he tugged on her hand to encourage her to look at him. Reading the relief in her eyes when she did, he gained his feet. "You going to be okay here while I'm gone?"

Drawing in a shaky breath, she nodded. "Go," she said, trying to lighten her voice. "Have fun."

"Sure?" he replied, "Cause I could call in..."

"Go," she interrupted him, his tone causing warmth to seep over her. Turning toward him, she smiled. "I'll be okay."

Reading her, Jack nodded briefly. "Okay," he said moving away and dropping her hand. "I'll be back by 1900. If you get bored, there's laundry to do," he jested pulling open the door. The smile that pulled on his face dropped as he was stopped from leaving by the man standing on the other side of it.

"Sir," Jack said stiffly, his shoulders automatically straightening a little.

"Jack," Hammond replied, tipping his head. "Mind if I..." he trailed off gesturing toward the open doorway.

Stepping back, Jack warily watched the older man enter before closing the door. He knew that the General had seen Sam when he froze a few steps in. Stepping around to place himself between Hammond and Carter, he locked eyes with him. "What brings you to my little corner of the world, Sir?"

Leaning slightly to look around Jack, George tipped his head. "Major."

"Sir," Carter said, her voice belaying her nerves. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "General Hammond."

"Doctor Rogers said she had released you to go home," Hammond replied. "I'm glad you're doing better."

"Thank you, Sir."

Glancing back at Jack, George let out a sigh at the suspicion he saw in his features. "We need to talk."

"I'll just," Sam started to say but was interrupted before she could finish.

"Stay," Jack snapped, his eyes not leaving the General.

"This affects you too," George agreed. "You mind?" he asked gesturing to a chair. A subtle shrug met his request. Sinking down, his eyes followed the sway of the hat In his hand for a few seconds while he gathered his thoughts. "Since your little stunt," he said, raising his eyes to Jack, "there have been a lot of conversations about what to do with you two."

Jack's eyes darted to Sam before he raised an eyebrow at the General. "Sir?"

"There are some who would love nothing better but to throw you," he nodded at Jack, "into the brig and give Major Carter a dishonorable discharged. They see your actions as confirmation of fraternization." The subtle flexing of Jack's muscles telling him he was going to jump to Sam's defense had him holding up his hand. "Fortunately others realize the utter stupidity of that approach."

A grunt of agreement met the words.

"They have finally agreed that you will be promoted as we discussed and placed in charge of the SGC," George stated, judging the impact of his words as he said them. Seeing no reaction at the apparent dichotomy of the two options, he waited, knowing what was next. He wasn't disappointed.

"And Carter?" Jack asked nodding toward her.

"That depends on her. If she wants to retire, they've agreed to let her, with a caveat," he added, a sigh escaping him. Turning his head toward Sam, he saw her take a few steps forward.

"Caveat?" she asked, her eyes darting uncertainly to Jack.

"There'll be a permanent order attached to it that under certain conditions you can be recalled to active duty and you have to come, no questions asked. You will have to remain in condition to do that at all times."

A wince passed her face. "I'm not there even now," she breathed.

A slow nod met her words. "They understand that," he added softly. "You will be given more time to address the remaining effects of the last mission," he promised before a grimace passed over his face. "As long as things stay quiet," he added.

Jack licked his lips nervously. "And if it doesn't stay quiet?" his voice added quotation marks on the term.

"Or I choose to stay in?" Sam asked, her voice betraying the emotions of making that statement.

"You will be placed where you are needed," George stated flatly, his eyes catching Jack's.

Reading the underlying message that that could be at the mountain, a sound escaped Jack as he shook his head. "She can't. I can't," he stuttered, his feet carrying him a few steps away as he struggled with the implications of the announcement.

A sigh escaped the General. "I know this places you both in a difficult situation," George began only to stop at the derisive sound from Jack.

"You don't get it," Jack forced out, each word distinct, heavy, raw. A glance back toward the older man told him he was waiting to see what else he was going to say. "Carter can never be under my direct command again," he gritted out, "especially there. The stakes," a shudder passed through Jack's body, "the potential costs are too high."

A slow shake of the General's head and the frown on his face told Jack he had to continue. "The last couple missions, the hearing, 493," he winced as he referenced the planet where Sam was attacked, "it made me realize I can't do it anymore. French and Nelson were right in a way. As far as Carter's concerned, I've lost the ability," he started, taking the few steps back to the General hoping he understood.

Looking toward Sam, he saw she was pale, wide-eyed, her mind racing at the potential meaning of his words. Locking eyes with her, he quietly stated, "I'll always choose you. God help me, if it comes down to a choice between saving you or anyone else, earth itself," he gestured, "I'll choose you, no matter what it takes, who is sacrificed," he broke off, his eyes telling her he didn't have the right words to say what he needed. Looking back to the older man, he added, his voice rough. "That's why she can't come back there, not as long as I'm in command."

The sound of the minute hand advancing rang loudly in the room for several seconds.

"If that happens," George said quietly, his carefully modulated voice breaking the silence, "she will not be under your command." Raising his eyes to Sam, he added, "You will, at all times, be under my sole authority."

A frown pulled on her features. "I thought you were retiring."

Jack's eyes landed on the older man's shoulders as he realized what was different. "Three stars," he muttered, a crease etching itself into his forehead. "You've been promoted," he said, his voice louder. Seeing the subtle nod, he eyes widened. "If I'm at the SGC, you'll be," he trailed off, letting his question linger.

"Homeworld Security," George said, a sigh escaping with the words. "New office at the Pentagon." Looking up, he watched the narrowing of Jack's eyes as he worked through the latest twist. Seeing him about to question him further, he simply stated, "You're not the only one that'll do what they have to save people they care about."

"Sir," Sam choked out at the same time as Jack's muttered curse.

"We all need something different," Hammond stated, gaining his feet. "This way everyone wins." The tight smile on his face belied the words.

"And," Jack said slowly, his breath catching. "Us?" he continued, gesturing toward Sam.

Hammond pursed his lips. "Officially, any relationship that may develop will not be allowed to affect future decisions as to the placement or deployment of either of you." Softening his gaze, a small smile softened his features. "Unofficially, all I can say is it's about damn time."

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: Hopefully this didn't disappoint. As I said, writing time has been scarce and it is hard for continuity in tone with long breaks. I have to be honest and say I am toying with the idea of doing one or two more chapters to get them into a hold pattern and then calling this one done. It isn't fair to anyone to keep you waiting and I certainly don't want to ruin the story at this point. By doing this, when life settles down I could then pick it back up under another story. Nothing is set yet, just giving you a warning. Thanks again for your patience, support and reviews. They have meant the world to me. Until next time, enjoy.


	35. Chapter 35

AN: Greetings. Thanks for all the support after my last message. I am still torn what I am going to do. So, decided I'd post this section and keep my fingers crossed that the next several weeks will tell me life is going to smooth out a bit. This one is a little bit of a roller coster, so hang on. There is a reference to "Entity" in here. No copyright violation intended.

***SG1***SG1***

Silence descended after Jack closed the door behind the General. Not moving from where he was standing, Jack watched Carter warily. She was pale, trembling, her gaze pinned to a spot on the floor. "You okay?" he called softly.

When a sound erupted from her throat that could be interpreted either way, Jack took a step forward. "Carter?"

A sharp shake of her head finally answered him. "I don't," she began, her voice husky, thick. "I'm not worth it." Swallowing, she darted a quick glance at him before her eyes returned to the floor. "You, him," her head jerking to the front door. "It's too much," she breathed, turning to escape the room.

She was halted by Jack's hand on her arm. "Sam," he said softly.

Catching her bottom lip in her teeth, she closed her eyes trying to fight off the tears that threatened. "What do I do with this? Knowing that," she whispered, pulling her arm out of his light grip, "you'd do that? Give up that much? Sacrifice that much for me?"

Conflicted eyes made bright with tears connected with his. Reaching up he caught a tear on his finger that escaped with the words. "It wouldn't matter to me if the world went on if you weren't in it. And if that meant it was destroyed so you could be safe someplace else," he trailed off and shrugged slightly to tell her the rest was inconsequential to him. "I won't make it without you anyway."

"You have to," she gasped, her breath ragged, thick.

"I didn't before," he confessed lowly. "Years ago, with the machine." A shudder passed through him. "Doc was going to disconnect you from life support. I wouldn't have made it out of the room," he said, his tone telling her of the finality he would have set in motion far more than the words.

A sob escaped as she moved suddenly, her body colliding with his. "Don't," she choked out, the thought of him dying because of her causing an old ache to flare. One that went deep, sharp. Unending.

Pulling back, Sam let out a sharp sound. "It's all changed." The words rushed out, her voice raw, desperate.

When another sound close to a sob escaped from her, Jack pulled her back against him and wrapped one arm around her. Pushing her head against his shoulder, he lowered his head to press against hers. "Been like this for a long time Carter. Only thing that's changed is that now you know." The words rumbled through his chest into her body.

Neither were quite sure how long they had been standing there when the muffled sound of a phone ringing caused both of them to start. Brushing his lips on her temple, he pulled back far enough to work the phone from his chest pocket and flip it open. "O'Neill." The tension of his jaw spoke of his struggle to get his emotions under control enough to not reveal them to the caller. "Yeah, I'll be there soon. Get 'em started on preflight." Snapping it closed, he dropped his eyes to meet her's. "Gotta go," he said softly. "You gonna be okay?"

Forcing a small tight smile, Sam nodded, sniffling back the remains of the tears. Standing on her tip toes, she pressed her lips to his. "Be safe," she murmured huskily, starting to pull back. She was stopped by Jack's hand pulling her face up and catching her bottom lip between his. Letting it go, he did the same to her upper lip before capturing both in a long tender caress.

"Always," he murmured, pulling away from her, his fingers trailing slowly away from her skin as he went.

Watching him go, Sam knew his word was an answer to more than just her request.

***SG1***SG1***

Letting out a tired sigh, Jack switched off the ignition. While he had told Sam he'd be back hours earlier, as usual the fates seemed to want to mess with his plans. His hand was on the door latch when a frown crossed his face at the amount of light coming from his house in the middle of the night. Letting himself in, a twitch etched across his neck as the sound of a safety being slid crossed his ears.

Turning from locking the door, his gaze brushed across the pistol on the coffee table to the flat, tense face staring back at him. The look made his chest constrict. Shifting, he forced his body to ignore the yells in his head to do something to get the gun away from her. "We expecting company?" he threw out, is tone deliberately light, curious.

A shrug met his question "You're late."

Jack raised an eyebrow at the explanation. "Little problem with one of the ships," he offered, easing into a chair across from her. A widening of her eyes had him continuing. "Short in a system. One of the kids had trouble keeping on course." The words minimized the frantic scramble to find a lost fighter with no active transponder. "Everyone's fine," he added, shrugging off anything else.

A grunt told him she knew there was more to the story.

Changing topic, his chin gestured to the unopened containers of food in a delivery bag. "Should have eaten," he remarked, picking up a box and looking at the cold shrimp lo mein in it. Mentally calculating the number of hours it had probably been sitting there, he sighed sliding it back on the table. He might be dumb enough to barrel into the dead of space to find a needle in a haystack, but he wasn't stupid.

Heaving himself up, he snagged the bag and headed to the kitchen. Pitching it in the trash, he shut off the overhead light and the laundry room light on his way out after scanning the room to make sure nothing was out of place. Detouring to the office, he shut down that light before making his way back to the living room. Killing two lamps, he eased back down, forcing himself to remain calm. "You ready to get some sleep?" he asked her, stifling a half faked yawn. "Gotta be back on base in under ten hours," he added.

A shrug met his question. "You can go," she said.

Jack froze contemplating the response. The unbidden memory of the last time he saw her with a gun appeared in his head, causing his stomach to roll in protest. The certainty that she wanted to die at that time screamed in his head.

Swallowing hard, he focused his attention to her, trying to ignore his own fear that she was the same now. Reading the tension still in her body, his eyes flickered to the gun laying on the table top. Deciding that he needed to continue to go lightly for right now, he settled his gaze on her in a speculative mode. "When did you begin to sound like me?"

A snort mixed with mild amusement answered him.

"No, I'm serious," he continued his voice light, but his gaze boring into her's trying to figure out what had her so wired. When her head dropped to avoid his probing eyes, he mentally cursed. "What's going on Sam?"

"Nothing," she huffed out with a breath. Running a hand through her hair, she added, "Everything." Dropping a hand, she tried to plaster a half hearted smile on her face. "Unknown sounds, place," she offered, trying to minimize it all. "Delivery guy," she added, wincing. "This afternoon," she trailed off, her teeth worrying her lips. "All just a little too much."

"Delivery guy?" Jack plucked out of the mix, his eyebrows raising in question.

Reading the silent question if he needed to go look for a body somewhere, she shook her head. "He just surprised me," she explained softly, remembering his sudden appearance beside her. "I was in the backyard," she offered, her eyes drifting toward the window, "and he was just there. Guess I didn't hear the doorbell so he came around. Sorta lost it at him." A self incriminating look passed over her face. "He didn't mean anything," she added, her voice low.

Jack nodding slowly, making a mental note to call tomorrow to make sure he wasn't going to cause trouble for her later or that she wasn't leaving anything out. That could at least explain the gun, lights and hesitancy to go to sleep.

"And I guess," Sam continued after a few minutes, "it made me realize I don't want to go back."

"Don't have to decide right now," Jack said, shrugging and ignoring the possible implications in her words. When the look on her face told him that she wasn't happy with his response, he sighed. "Look," he added, deciding to take the most obvious meaning and run with it. "You're still on medical leave. Hammond said you would have time yet. It's," he paused squinting to read his watch, "0314 and it's already been a helluva day."

She deflated at his words. "You're right."

Shoving himself upright, he held out a hand. "Bed?" he asked, tipping his head toward the back of the house. Watching as she unfolded herself and stretched from sitting there for too long, a wave of relief passed through him as she slipped her hand into his. Pausing a moment, he caught her eye and tipped it toward the coffee table. "You ready to put that back in the gun safe?"

The low haunted tone underlying his voice struck her. Looking from him to the gun and back, her eyes widened realizing what he must have thought when he saw her with it. Tightening her grip, she whispered, "I wouldn't," she stopped, her eyes dropping to his backup weapon and shaking her head. Picking it up, she held the grip out to him.

Jack fought off the shudder of relief that wanted to run through his body as he took the weapon. Automatically checking to ensure the chamber was clear and the safety on, a breath slipped out as he took her hand back. "Come on," he said, starting them down the hallway, turning off lights as they went.

***SG1***SG1***


	36. Chapter 36

Please read AN at end and… Thank you.

***SG1***SG1***

The sound of his phone ringing penetrated Jack's conscious. Groaning, he slowly drug a hand toward the nightstand to get ahold of the offending object. "O'Neill," he grunted into it.

"Jack."

Jack's eyes darted open hearing the tension in Jackson's voice. "Daniel?"

"We can't find Sam. Teal'c and I got back late last night. Didn't want to wake her, so we waited until this morning to go see her. She's not at her house, it's a mess, and she's not answering her cell."

Jack sank back into the mattress. "She's here," he replied, glancing over and meeting sleepy blue eyes.

"Oh thank God," Daniel breathed, nodding toward Teal'c. Seeing a corresponding slump in the Jaffa's body, he focused back on the phone. "She okay?" A grunt and the rustle of covers met his question.

"Hey Daniel." Sam's voice drifted through the line. "You guys okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he answered, waving off any concern. "It was a pretty boring trip," he added. "You were, uh, doing some redecorating," he noted, seeing breakables placed in front of the windows and larger pieces of furniture in the way of doors. Scanning the place, he noted that no one was going to get any access without making noise.

A grimace passed Sam's features as she threw an arm over her eyes giving him a noncommittal sound. "You off rotation for a while?"

"A week," he replied, watching as Teal'c began to move the breakable items back to where they belonged. "I've got to catch up on some reports and Teal'c told four he'd do some training with them." Looking down, he added, "You going to stay there for a bit?"

Unconsciously, Sam looked toward Jack, noting he was staring at the ceiling. Fatigue caused his face to seem older than it should. "Not sure how long," she said softly. "He might get tired of all the drama," she added, trying to keep her voice light but failing. Brown eyes turned to meet her's.

Surprise at her response flashed over Daniel's face. A questioning look from Teal'c had him shaking his head to tell him he wasn't sure. Before he could ask what she meant, Jack's voice came through the line saying "call you later" before it went dead.

Staring at the now dormant cell phone in his hand, a frown pulled on Daniel's forehead. Teal'c calling his name had him raising his eyes and shaking off the confusion. "She's going to be there a bit," he offered. "Come on, let's move this stuff back and then you can spring for breakfast."

***SG1***SG1***

Watching Jack as he slipped from the bed, Sam sat up and wrapped her arms around her bent knees. When he moved to the dresser without saying anything, her stomach rolled. "Jack?" she called softly.

Shoving the drawer shut, a sigh passed through his body. "Shower," he grunted. Reaching the bathroom door, he paused but did not look at her. "Stay, go. Up to you. I'll be here," he said, his voice low, resigned.

Sam's throat clogged with emotion as the door closed. She had no doubt that his words were for more than physically staying with him. He was granting her absolution should she not feel the same way, not want the love he had confessed to her yesterday. He was offering her a quiet exit.

Wiping away a stray tear, she lowered her head onto her knees. The pain underlying his tone told her she had hurt him with her doubt. Like so many times, he had absorbed it and twisted it to be some defect of his own. She grimaced at the thought. He deserved better. Throwing back the covers, she stood.

***SG1***SG1***

Sighing into the phone, George tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "No, it has to be like this. There needs to be a note in Major Carter's file that she is under my sole authority." Listening, a grimace crossed his features before a flicker of annoyance took its place. "We've already been over that. There was no proof of any wrong doing and now, technically, Major Carter is no longer under his command." Sitting up, he gripped the arm of the chair. When he continued, his voice held a bite to it. "You said whatever it takes. I'm telling you that this is what it is going to take. Put the damn condition in her file and be happy about it."

Grunting a goodbye, Hammond slowly put the phone down and picked up an ink pen. Signing the orders under his hand, he fought off the sorrow at knowing he would be leaving the SGC in a few short weeks. Not to retire as he had wanted, but to be in the political quagmire that he had fought so hard to stay out of in the past. Glancing down at the picture of Jack O'Neill on the file below his hand, a snort escaped him. "You owe me, Jack," he murmured, closing the file and setting it aside.

***SG1***SG1***

Taking a steadying breath, Jack paused with his hand on the bathroom doorknob. Taking in another breath, he had to brace himself for the emptiness that could be waiting for him on the other side. Fighting off the tremor of fear that he wasn't sure there were enough pieces of him left to do that, he removed the emotions from his face and opened the door.

Stepping in the bedroom, his eyes scanned it. His shoulders dropped at the lack of another person there. Closing his eyes, he swallowed the bitter sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him.

"I made coffee."

Jack startled at the words, his eyes darting toward the bedroom door. Staring at her, he scanned her face, trying to read what her being there meant. "Black, one sugar," he finally said, his voice thick with emotions that had nothing to do with the beverage.

A sound that she knew how he drank it left Sam. Watching the sorrow seep from his body, she fought off the urge to go to him. He needed to know what he was getting in to first. "I'm sorry if I made you think I didn't want this," she said, her voice thick. "I'm just," she stopped, looking away, shaking her head. "Most of the time, I'm better, really I am," she said, glancing back at him. "Not one hundred percent, but better. But then something throws me back." A grimace passed over her face. "And I'm a mess again until I can fight back." A humorless chuckle passed her lips. "Can't guarantee that you won't come home again to something like last night. Daniel and Teal'c are moving furniture back," she added, telling him how extreme it could be.

A shrug indicating he could care less if she rearranged the entire house.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about work," she offered, softly, looking away. Shaking her head, she sighed. "It hurts to think about going back, yet the thought of what can happen if I don't scares me," she confessed. Shaking her head again, a shuddered breath escaped. "Still time for that one," she said tightly, watching his head bob slowly in agreement.

She wet her dry lips nervously before she continued. "I haven't even begun to deal with the physical part," she paused, her nervousness reflecting on her face and in the hands that fluttered around her body. "I don't know if I can," another sigh escaped her. Squaring her shoulders, she looked at him. "Sex could be a problem."

"Okay," he replied, quiet acceptance in the tone.

Taking a few steps forward, she locked eyes with him. "I never want to run from you," she said. "Never want to be without you," she amended. A bittersweet sad smile etched itself in her face. "But I can't promise you that it won't feel like I'm pushing you away sometimes. Doubting you. I don't mean to, I really don't." A shrug escaped her. "I know you hate clichés but it really isn't you, it's me."

A smirk briefly passed over his face before his features softened, his eyes probing her to see what else she felt she needed to say.

Dropping her head for a few seconds to gather courage, she asked him the question that scared her. "Still want me to stay?"

"I'll always want you with me, but it's your choice, Sam," Jack said gently.

"It's not." A slow shake of her head reinforced her words. "There's no choice because I won't survive without you in my life."

Taking a step towards her to close the distance, Jack reached up and cupped her head, his thumb brushing down her cheek. Pulling her closer, he laid his forehead against hers, holding her steady. "Then stay," he replied, his tone telling her it was a simple solution.

Swallowing the emotions that wanted to overtake her, Sam stood in awe that this man wanted her to stay despite everything that had happened; despite how confused and confusing she was. Despite the pain she had been an unwilling party to cause him; the pain she had experienced herself. Despite the uncertainty of her ability to come the rest of the way back and the uncertainty of what it meant for them as a couple. Despite all of that, he still wanted her with him.

Closing her eyes briefly, she finally spoke. "Okay," she whispered, her arms wrapping around him. "I can do that."

The end (of this one)

***SG1***SG1***

AN2: So, my friends, I leave Jack and Sam (and you) in this place: together and facing whatever may come. Hopefully this brings you a little emotional closure for now. As you can tell from Sam's confessions here and Jack's in the past couple sections, there is still more road to travel for our intrepid pair.

When the opening scene popped into my head, I never dreamed it would lead to the emotional journey it has. I have been and continue to be humbled by the support and kind words with each chapter. As I said early on, for anyone on this type of journey in their life, you have my utmost respect and support. I hope I have been able to help others know a little bit of your journey and reinforced for you that you are not alone and there is hope for the future.

So, until next time, I wish each of you peace and joy.


End file.
